Beatrice Sparks - Go Ask Alice

When we left I didn’t know whether I felt better about what I’ve done because so many other people are caught up in the same thing or worse because everybody’s going crazy at once. But to tell you the truth, I really don’t think the kids can be blamed for screwing up, at least not entirely. The adults don’t seem to be doing much better. In fact, I can’t think of one person I’d like to see as President except Dad who’d never get elected with me for a daughter.

Well, I got blasted out of the water again today. Someone put a joint in my purse and I was so scared. I had to cut my next class and take a cab over to Dad’s office.

I just don’t understand why they won’t leave me alone! Why are they hassling me like this? Does my existence make them nervous? I really think it does. I really think they are trying to wipe me off the face of the earth or send me to the nut house. It’s like I’ve uncovered a giant spy ring and I can’t be allowed to live anymore! Dad said I have to be strong and adult. He talked to me for a long time and I’m really grateful that he cares, but I know he doesn’t understand their motivations any better than I do. Besides he doesn’t know about Richie and Lane and all the rest. He said the whole family is behind me. But what good does that do when the whole world is against me? It’s like Gramps’ dying. Everybody feels really terrible about it, but nobody can do anything, including me!

I’ve managed to get myself into the study grind again, which helps. At least it keeps my mind off you know what.

Gran is sick, but Mom thinks it’s just the letdown. I hope so, because she really looks terrible. Oh, I almost forgot. Dad has gotten permission for me to use the university library, and today I went over for the first time. It’s really fun. I felt very sophisticated and a lot of the kids think I’m a coed. Isn’t that funny?

I met a boy in the library today. His name is Joel Reems and he’s a freshman. We studied together, then he walked me over to Daddy’s office. Daddy was busy, so we sat on the front steps of his building and waited for him. I decided to not pretend to Joel, but just to tell the truth about myself and let him take it or leave it (well, almost all the truth). I told him I was only sixteen and just had library privileges because of my dad.

He’s really a very sweet guy, because he just laughed and said that it was all right because he hadn’t planned to ask me to marry him this semester anyway. When Dad came out, he sat on the steps for a while and the three of us talked like we had known each other always. It was great! Before Joel left he asked me when I’d be studying again and I said that I spent my entire waking hours studying, which seemed to please him.

Dear Daddy, I guess I should be mad at him but I’m not! He went and looked up Joel’s record and told me all about him. I really got a kick out of the idea of Dad sneaking around the files getting information for me. Anyway Joel is an accelerated student who is in the university though he’s only eighteen years old, barely. His dad is dead and his mother works in a factory and he works a seven-hour shift every day at the school as a janitor. He works from midnight till seven every morning, then his first class is at nine on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. What a schedule!! Dad warned me not to interfere with his studies, and I said I wouldn’t. However if he wants to walk me from the library to Dad’s office every afternoon (even Saturdays) I can’t see what that could hurt, can you?

Joel did walk me to Dad’s office. And it was almost like a date! Our words scrambled out all over each other and we laughed and chattered both at the same time. (It was very chaotic and very lovely.) Joel says he’s never had much time for girls and he doesn’t understand how I seem to know so much about him. I told him that women were very perceptive, that’s all. And crafty!

Joel walked me over to Dad’s office again tonight and it wasn’t my idea but. Dad invited him over for dinner tomorrow. Mother said it’s fine with her, and I know she’s anxious to meet him because Daddy has been teasing me about him.

I raced home from school and helped Mom clean the house like the King of the World was coming, and I made sure we had all the ingredients for orange yeast rolls, my one specialty. I can’t wait! I can’t wait!

Joel just left and it was a fantastic evening. I don’t know why I say that because he and Daddy spent most of the time together. I guess it’s because his dad died when he was seven, but they really had a nice relationship. Even Tim seemed fascinated while they talked, particularly about Joel’s educational possibilities. (I think Tim is starting to think about college. Already!)

My orange rolls were perfection, even Gran said she couldn’t have made better, and Joel ate seven! Seven! And he said he’d have taken a pocketful home for breakfast if there had been any left over. Of course if there had been any left over I’m sure he wouldn’t have mentioned it. He’s pretty reserved. I think I’ll ask Mom if I can make him a batch and have him pick them up at Dad’s office.

Oh Diary, guess what? Dad had absolutely the most wonderful news to tell us at dinner! (And he did it very nonchalantly.) He’s going to try to get Joel a scholarship. He says he’s pretty sure he can do it, but it will take time and he doesn’t want me to say anything until it’s all settled. I hope I can keep my big mouth shut. I’m not very good at that kind of thing.

P.S. Things seem okay at school. Nobody’s talking to me, but nobody’s hassling me either. I guess you can’t have everything.

Gran’s house was sold today and they’ve decided just to have the movers pack all her things and put them in storage. She broke down and cried when she heard the news. It’s the first time I’ve really seen her cry. I guess Gramps’ being gone and now the house which she lived in almost all her life, makes everything seem so final.

I wonder if Joel really likes me? I wonder if he thinks I’m cute or pretty or attractive? I wonder if I seem like the kind of girl who would mean something serious to him? I hope he likes me because I like him a lot. In fact, I think I really love him…

Mrs. Joel Reems

MRS. JOEL REEMS

Mr. and Mrs. Joel Reems

Dr. and Mrs. Joel Reems Doesn’t that look lovely!

Mrs. Larsen just called and said that Jan had promised to baby-sit but she called at the last minute and cancelled, which sounds just like Jan. Oh well, I guess I can study there as well as I can here. Gotta pack my things together.

See ya later.

P.M. Dear Diary,

I’m really dragged and tired and sad and worn out and fed up.

Jan came by about a half an hour after Mrs. Larsen left and said she wanted to baby-sit because she needed the break. But I couldn’t let her because she was stoned and Mrs. Larsen’s baby is only four months old. But she wouldn’t leave so finally I had to call her parents and ask them to come and get her. I told them she was sick, but by the time they got there she was really grooving. She had the stereo on loud enough to wake the baby who was wet and crying anyway, but I didn’t dare even change her because I wasn’t sure what Jan might do. She was so high her mom and dad had to practically pull her out to the car, and they were both crying and asking me not to tell her parole officer.