Adam Silvera - They Both Die at the End

I make sure no cars are coming from up the block.

Rufus returns with a discarded newspaper and hands it to me. “Best I can find.”

“Thanks.” I use the newspaper to scoop up the bird’s body and its severed head. I walk toward the community garden opposite the subway station, set right in between the basketball court and the playground.

Rufus appears beside me on his bike, pedaling slowly. “What are you doing with that?”

“Burying it.” I enter the garden and find a corner behind a tree, away from the spot where community gardeners have been planting fruit trees and flowers and making the world glow a little more. I kneel and place the newspaper down, nervous the head is going to roll away. Rufus hasn’t commented on it, but I feel the need to add, “I can’t just leave the bird out there to be tossed into a trash can or flattened by cars over and over and over.”

I like the idea of a bird that died so tragically ahead of its time resting amid life here in the garden. I even imagine that this tree was once a person, some Decker who was cremated and had asked to have their ashes packed into a biodegradable urn with a tree seed to give it life.

“It’s a couple minutes after four,” Rufus informs me.

“I’ll be fast.”

I take it he’s not the bury-a-bird type. I know many people won’t agree or understand this sentiment. After all, to most people, a bird is nothing compared to an actual human being, because actual human beings put on ties and go to work, they fall in love and get married, and they have kids and raise them. But birds do all of this too. They work—no ties, you got me there—and mate and nurture baby birds until they can fly. Some of them become pets who entertain children, children who learn to love and be kind to animals. Other birds are living until their time is up.

But this sentiment is a Mateo thing, meaning it’s always made others think I’m weird. I don’t share thoughts like these with just anyone, rarely even with Dad or Lidia.

Two fists can fit in this plot, and I’m shuffling the bird’s body and head off the newspaper and into the hole right when a flash goes off behind me. No, the first thing I thought wasn’t that an alien was beaming down warriors to take me out—okay, fine, it was. I turn to find Rufus aiming his phone’s camera at me.

“Sorry,” Rufus says. “Not every day you see someone burying a bird.”

I scoop the soil over the bird, smoothing it flat before standing. “I hope someone is this kind to us when it’s over.”

4:09 a.m.

Yo, Mateo is too good . Definitely not suspicious of him anymore, it’s not like he’s got it in him to jump me. But I’m mad shocked to meet someone so . . . pure? I wouldn’t say I’ve only ever surrounded myself with assholes, but Malcolm and Tagoe are never gonna bury a bird in their lives, let’s be real fucking clear about that. Beating down that bastard Peck tonight proves we’re not innocent. I’ll bet you anything Mateo has no idea how to make a fist and couldn’t imagine himself getting violent, not even when he was a kid and dumb shit was forgiven and written off because he was young.

There’s no way I’m telling him about Peck. I’ll take it to my grave today.

“We out to see who first?”

“My dad. We can take this subway.” Mateo points. “It’s only two stops downtown, but it’s safer than walking.”

Two stops downtown would be a quick five-minute bike ride for me, and I’m tempted to just meet him there, but my gut is telling me this Mateo kid will screw up and leave me hanging outside the train station. I carry my bike down the stairs by its handlebars and seat. I roll my bike around the corner while Mateo cautiously hangs back a bit, and I catch him peeking before following me, like when I went to that haunted house thing in Brooklyn with Olivia a few years ago—except I was a kid. I don’t know what he’s expecting to find, and I’m not asking either.

“You’re good,” I say. “Coast is clear.”

Mateo creeps behind me, still suspicious of the empty corridor leading to the turnstiles. “I wonder how many other Deckers are hanging out with strangers right now. A lot are probably dead by now. Car accident or fire or shot or fallen down a manhole or . . .” He stops himself. Dude really knows how to paint a picture of tragedy. “What if they were on their way to say bye to someone close to them and then—” Mateo claps. “Gone. It’s not fair. . . . I hope they weren’t alone.”

We get to the MetroCard vending machine. “Nope. Not fair. I don’t think it matters who you’re with when you die—someone’s company isn’t gonna keep you alive once Death-Cast hits you up.” This has gotta be taboo for a Last Friend to say, but I’m not wrong. Still feel a little bad when it shuts Mateo up.

Deckers get some perks, like free unlimited passes for the subway, you just gotta bother the teller with some form. But the “unlimited” part is bullshit because they expire at the end of your End Day. A few weeks ago the Plutos claimed we were dying so we could score free passes for our adventure to Coney Island, thinking the dude would give us a break and let us through. But nah, he had us waiting for confirmation from Death-Cast servers, which can take longer than waiting for an express train, so we just bounced. I buy an unlimited MetroCard, the non-Decker, I-still-got-tomorrows edition, and Mateo copies.

We swipe our way in to the platform. This could be our last ride for all we know.

Mateo points back at the booth. “Is it crazy to think the MTA won’t need any station staffers in a few years because machines—maybe even robots—will take over their jobs? It’s sort of happening already if you think about . . .”

The roar of the approaching train drowns Mateo out a little at the end there, but it’s fine, I get what he’s saying. The real victory here is catching a train instantly. Now we can safely rule out falling onto the exposed tracks, getting stuck while rats run by us, and straight chopped up and flattened by the train—damn, Mateo’s grimness is already rubbing off on me.

Before the doors even open, I see one of those train takeovers going down, the ones where college kids host parties on trains to celebrate not getting the alert Mateo and I got. I guess dorm parties got old, so they’re wilding out on the subway instead—and we’re joining them, dammit. “Let’s go,” I tell Mateo when the doors open. “Hurry.” I rush and wheel my bike in, asking someone to make room for us, and when I turn to make sure my back tire isn’t keeping Mateo from getting in, I see he’s not behind me at all.

Mateo is standing outside the car, shaking his head, and at the last second before the doors close he darts into the empty car ahead of mine, one that has sleeping passengers and isn’t blasting a remixed version of “Celebration.” (It’s a classic anthem, but let’s retire it already.)

Look, I don’t know why Mateo bitched out, but it’s not gonna ruin my vibe. It’s a party car—I wasn’t asking him to go bungee jumping or skydiving. It’s far from daredevil territory.

“We Built This City” comes on, and a girl with two handheld stereos hops onto the bench seat to dance. Some dude is hitting on her, but her eyes are closed and she’s just straight-up lost in her moment. In the corner some dude with a hood over his face is knocked out; either he’s had a really good time or there’s a dead Decker on this train.

Not funny.

I lean my bike against an empty bench seat—yeah, I’m that guy whose bike gets in everyone’s way, but I’m also dying, so cut me some slack—and step over the sleeping guy’s feet to peek into the next car. Mateo is staring into my car like some kid who’s been grounded and forced to watch his friends play from his bedroom window. I gesture for him to come over, but he shakes his head and stares down at the floor, never looking up at me again.