O Chin - Now That It's Over

Picking up the room key from the bedside table, Ai Ling took another glance at Wei Xiang before leaving. A short run to the beach; she aimed to be back at the hotel before 8.30am, before everyone was up.

They had walked to the beach from the restaurant the night before, after bidding good night to Cody and Chee Seng, who had wanted to return to the hotel to rest before heading out later to check out the bars and dance clubs along Bangla Road. Since it was still early, Wei Xiang suggested a stroll to enjoy the evening breeze. Walking with no destination in mind, they came to a quiet stretch of Patong Beach.

“The moon is hanging really low tonight,” Wei Xiang said, nodding towards the sea, where the moon was hovering above the dark sweep of the water. Ai Ling dug her toes into the warm sand, the trapped heat engulfing her feet. Wei Xiang, with his arm around Ai Ling’s shoulders, pulled her closer to him.

“Are you okay? You seem distracted,” Wei Xiang said. Ai Ling broke away and walked to the edge of the water.

“I’m okay. Just tired, after all the rushing about the whole day,” Ai Ling replied. Wei Xiang trailed behind, giving her the space he could sense she wanted. Ai Ling stared up at the moon, feeling the tension slowly easing out of her.

“You want to head back to the hotel now? To rest early?” Wei Xiang asked.

“No, I want to stay here for a while,” Ai Ling said.

“Sure, as long as you want.”

“Don’t you like the sea at night?”

“I do. The sound of the waves is very calming. I could stay here and fall asleep to the sound.”

“Do you want to?”

“What?”

“Stay here and sleep on the beach?”

“No, I’m just saying. I don’t think that would be safe. Who knows what could happen? We might get robbed.”

“Worse, we might get swept up by the waves and cast out into the sea while we sleep.”

“Yeah, right. Cast out into the sea.”

Ai Ling chuckled and reached for Wei Xiang. They walked farther down the beach, passing other couples lying on the sand or hidden in the shadows, dark moving silhouettes. They nearly tripped over a pair of lovers; the woman let out a cry of annoyance. They apologised and walked away quickly, suppressing their laughter.

“Come on, let’s do it here,” Wei Xiang said, slipping his arm around Ai Ling’s waist, pushing into her for a kiss.

“No, let me go,” Ai Ling said, shaking him off.

“Come on, we’ll be making love under the moon. So romantic.”

“No, it’s not! Silly man.”

Ai Ling laughed and skipped across the warm sand. Wei Xiang caught up with her and they walked on. The lights and sounds from the bars, cafes and ice-cream shops near the beachfront had faded away, leaving them in near-absolute silence and darkness, except for the waves and the bright moonlight that made the sand glow with a bluish luminescence. Ai Ling looked around her and, for an instant, felt the sharp thrill of solitude, of being separated from everyone else. She relished this sensation much deeper than she expected.

“It’s really dark here. Perhaps we should head back,” Wei Xiang said.

“No, it’s good here. Let’s stay for a while more.”

They came face to face with a jagged wall of rocks and Ai Ling began to climb it, without checking first with Wei Xiang, who followed. They found a spot among the rocks, overlooking a small inlet that was surrounded by huge boulders and jutting rock formations. Slightly out of breath from the climb, they sat and looked out into the sea. For some time, they were deep in their own thoughts, not speaking. The night heaved around them, holding them still.

The longtail boats anchored a short distance away from the shore were bobbing in the gentle waves. Shading her eyes from the sunlight, Ai Ling peered out to the horizon where the sky dissolved into the sea, into a deeper shade of blue. She fixed her gaze at the dividing line, which seemed so infinite, so far away.

Already there was a small crowd of people on the beach. Young parents with toddlers playing near the water; a few old men casting their fishing rods from the breakwater, handmade cigarettes dangling from their mouths; morning joggers, flushed from the exertion of running on sand. The food hawkers had already set up their stalls along the pavement beside the beach, the smell of frying oil carried into Ai Ling’s nose. She felt nausea rise up her throat and suppressed the urge to throw up; her morning sickness was worsening. Removing her shoes, she stepped onto the cool sand of the beach. The receding tide had smoothed out the surface, leaving behind dark trails of seaweed and crushed seashells. Ai Ling picked up the carcass of a tiny crab and examined its exoskeleton. A distant cry of a child broke her concentration; a small Caucasian boy was sitting at the edge of the water, stricken at being overcome by the waves. A young woman ran towards him, extending her arms, laughing.

Ai Ling walked into the surf. Her first contact with the cold water sent a chilling pulse of electricity up her spine. She sank her feet into the wet sand; the waves pulled away for a moment before sweeping over her feet again. She stood stock-still, enjoying the pleasure of the water and the alternating exposure to the cool air. She lifted her head to the sun.

She should have told Wei Xiang about the pregnancy last night when she’d had the chance. Yet her old fears had held her back. She was after all still in the early stages, only six weeks along. She had grown suspicious after a spate of vomiting in the mornings; the doctor later confirmed the fact. She knew she would have to keep the news to herself for the time being, until… until when? She did not know. After the last miscarriage, she had become more fearful of the way life could take away indiscriminately. There would certainly be, she knew, another chance to tell Wei Xiang. She had to be patient and wait out her anxiety.

The wavelets chugged at her feet, stronger and more pressing now. The sea birds, which had been resting on the wooden poles impaled along the shoreline, had taken to the sky and were wheeling in the air, their screeching loud and maddening. Ai Ling looked up at them, specks of darkness against the bright sunlight. The wind had picked up as well, tousling Ai Ling’s hair and sweeping it across her face.

Yes, it was the right thing to do for now, keeping the pregnancy from Wei Xiang, Ai Ling assured herself one more time before taking another step into the sea, the water coming up to her calves.

The tide drew in and they could hear the splash of the waves against the rocks. Wei Xiang and Ai Ling sat on the sandy ground, leaning against each other. Ai Ling could feel the warmth emanating from his body and wrapped her hands around him, nestling in the heat. Wei Xiang turned to smile at her, his face half in shadow. Ai Ling caught a flash of moonlight in his eyes—alert, watchful.

“You have been so quiet these days,” Wei Xiang said.

“Am I?”

“Yes, you are. It’s like you’re thinking so many things. Care to share some with me?”

“No, I’m not thinking about anything.”

Wei Xiang pressed against her, and Ai Ling’s body tensed up. “You’re really cold,” he said. “Why don’t we head back to the hotel? You can have a hot shower.”

“Sure. But let’s sit for a while more. Then we’ll head back.”

Looking out into the black mass of the sea, Ai Ling pictured her thoughts slipping out of her mind and joining the darkness around them, seeping into the night. If she were to give up her thoughts now, would her mind be lighter, carrying nothing? She had always felt much freer in the dark where she could entertain any thoughts or memories that crossed her mind, without feeling hounded or burdened by them, as if their hold over her were greatly weakened in a different state. She felt almost at peace. At this moment, sitting here with Wei Xiang, a sense of calmness welled up inside Ai Ling, a brief, transient state—she was aware of its fleeting nature—that could be broken at any time. She held firm to the fragile moment.