Roger Curtis - Lights in a Western Sky

When Ma’d finished doing something at the desk we seemed to walk miles along the corridor. At the end there were magazines and toys scattered around and Chloe said they were the same ones as before. Ma said, ‘You do remember why we’re here, don’t you Johnny?’ and I said I did, and that pleased her. So she took superman out of her bag and gave him me. Then she watched me playing with him and got angry ’cause I made superman noises a bit loud and when people told me off she shouted at them.

It was Chloe who spotted the nurse coming towards us like before and I liked her yellow hair even more. I didn’t remember her name, but Chloe could. ‘Hello Miss Willetts,’ she said.

‘Mrs Tranter, Johnny… and Chloe. You see, I remember too,’ she said.

This remembering thing was making me uncomfortable.

‘Sorry to have kept you waiting,’ she said. ‘Dr Scundrel will see you now.’ It was the first time I’d heard doctors called by bad names.

‘Put superman in my bag, Johnny,’ Ma said. ‘You won’t be needing him.’

‘I want to keep him out,’ I said, and Carol said I could give him to her, but Ma wouldn’t let up.

‘Johnny, you’re not going to see the man clutching that toy, so put it in here.’

‘It’s alright, Mrs Tranter,’ the nurse said. The doctor won’t mind in the least. There’s a whole shelf of toys in there.’

But Ma wouldn’t stop. ‘Johnny, I won’t tell you again,’ she said.

So I did what she said. I don’t even like superman. I only brought him to annoy her. I like soft toys, like Chloe’s bunny, but Ma caught me nicking him before we left. Chloe wouldn’t have minded, though. She was kind to me today. ‘This is your big day,’ she said. ‘They’ll help you.’ ‘Why will they?’ I said, looking into her eyes. But she wouldn’t look at me straight, just turned away. When I ran round to look at her face she was crying.

The doctor didn’t seem quite as big as before. That nice nurse followed us in and I liked that because she smiled at me. Then she went out and closed the door and the room felt all cold.

‘Take a seat, Mrs Tranter. Johnny, you sit here by me,’ the doctor said. So I did, and he smelt a bit like the flowers in the shop we’d just passed. Better than Ma’s smell though, when she has her hot flushes. She’s always talking about a change, so maybe she should. ‘Now, Mrs Tranter,’ he said. ‘How have we got on? Did the tablets help Johnny?’

Ma said it was difficult to know as sometimes it seemed they did and other times I was as bloody-minded as ever. He stopped her there, which was a pity for her ’cause she was on the right track.

‘How about you, Johnny? Have they helped, do you think?’

‘Tell the man what you think, Johnny,’ Ma said.

‘Dunno really,’ I said.

Dunno really. Useful that. Use it a lot in class. That Miss Mabbs, likes asking questions – you know, for info, like. Dates, places and that. When she first started on me you could see she was embarrassed ’cause her cheeks went pink, though I was sorry when she gave up too soon. But we weren’t at school, and I’d promised Chloe to give it a go. So I told him they worked sometimes, and he looked at me real hard. I think he knew how horrible they were and that half the time I kept them under my tongue and spat ’em out when Ma wasn’t looking.

I don’t remember too much else, ’cause I was thinking again, except that the doctor said the new tablets would taste a bit better. I wanted to try one but the doctor said he didn’t have any on him.

Then he said, ‘Right, Johnny, there’s just one more thing you can do for me, then we’re through. Look out of the window and tell me what you can see.’

‘Look out of the window, Johnny,’ Ma said.

‘Two cows and a lot of people,’ I said.

‘I beg your pardon?’ he said. ‘I can see the two cows – just. And lots of grass and trees. But people?’

‘That’s how he is, doctor,’ Ma said.

‘Where are the people, Johnny?’ he said.

‘A bus just went by,’ I said, clever like.

‘Ah, I see. And we missed it. But that was far away – how do you know there were lots of people on it?’

‘Sick people like coming to hospitals,’ I said.

That seemed to set him thinking, and he began to get up, and he looked at Ma.

‘Well, fortunately they do. Mrs Tranter – a quiet word with you outside. Johnny, we’ll be back in just a moment. Here’s something to keep you busy.’

He pushed a comic into my hands. But I was still looking outside, and through a door window to the outside. Then I saw there was a key in the lock. Sod the comic, I thought, let’s see if it turns.

It was a cinch. As I opened it the sound of the birds came at me and the wind blew my hair. I remembered to close the door. Somehow getting out had made me think better.

Out on the grass everything seemed… well… clearer. People coming out and going in, not on top of me anymore, and that was nice ’cause I could choose what to do. Then I saw that nurse, with a coat on, but I knew it was her from the legs and the wiggling bum. So I got in behind her on the path with all the people going to the gate, keeping just behind, but she never turned, even with me thinking about her hard. I liked the yellow hair touching her shoulders and how she moved, not fat or anything, you know, straight and nice.

When we got to the bus stop that feeling came again, with people pressing in, like when I go into class. I saw her join the queue, and I stayed near but still she didn’t turn, maybe ’cause there were people between.

Buses come at you like elephants, except that they don’t have ears that flap and the people stay put. This one was a number five, the one we’d come on from the town, so I knew where we were going and that made me feel better. When it stopped I just climbed in with the rest.

The driver was not very nice. He said, ‘You waiting for Christmas, son? Do you want a ticket or not?’

I thought, hell, no money! Then I remembered the pound in my pocket Chloe’d given me for an ice-cream.

‘There!’ I said, banging it down.

‘Good,’ he said. ‘Ten pence change. Careful how you spend it.’

I said I would be.

She was sitting by the window. Didn’t see me, didn’t look up when I passed. She looked sad, like Chloe says I look when no-one’s around to annoy me, and I’m thinking about things. I thought first I’d sit next to her, but that could have ended it, ’cause I’m no great talker, so I went two seats behind, and after I’d sat down we got to the next stop and more people got on.

I knew when he got on where he’d sit, even though other seats were free. His hair was black, not brown like mine, and he had to bend his head. ‘Is this seat taken?’ he said.

I thought, silly bugger! Anyone could see that!

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll move my bag.’

Soon he was telling her he could see from her clothes she was a nurse. Then he asked her which hospital and she said Weatherden Hospital and he said he knew it. So she asked him why and he said his wife was treated there and then died of cancer.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, really kind like.

But he told her there was no need to be because that was two years ago and they’d done all they could. He said the staff there were just wonderful and that pleased her.

‘They’re a good bunch,’ she said.

‘But still overworked, I guess,’ he said. I liked the way he said the right things all the time.

I could have sworn he shifted nearer to her, moved his head closer to hers. Then someone rang the bell and people got off, but not them, and I was glad ’cause I was getting worried about where I was going. Then they started talking again.