Эд Макбейн: Love, Dad

In the library upstairs, the music stand had been knocked over and the charred remains of a manuscript were under the grate in the Franklin stove, where the pages had been used to start another fire. One of the stove’s tiles was cracked. Joanna’s flute case lay open on the floor. Someone had used the flute as a poker. The end opposite the mouthpiece was black, the hole clogged with ashes. It was the sight of the violated flute that infuriated them most, Joanna because the flute was her life, Jamie simply because he loved her. Eyes blazing, nostrils flaring as though she had at last caught scent of the elusive something they’d been stalking, Joanna threw open the bedroom door. Lissie was asleep on their bed, wearing only a T-shirt and cotton panties. In the ashtray beside the bed, there was a used condom.

“Wake up, Goldilocks,” Joanna said.

She sat up at once, blinked into the room, and then smiled and said, “Oh. Hi.”

“What the hell happened here?” Jamie said.

“Well, we invited some friends in, you know...”

“You had no right to do that.”

“It was just some...”

“Get off that bed!” Joanna said.

“This is where we live,” Jamie said. “This is our home ...”

“We were going to clean up,” Lissie said.

“When?” Joanna said. “We told you we’d be home tonight, we told you we’d be home around midnight, it’s two in the morning, when did you...?”

“You’ve made a pigsty of our home!” Jamie said. “Goddammit, Liss, what’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing’s the matter with me,” Lissie said, suddenly defiant. “We had a fight is what, okay? Sparky and his friends ran out of here...”

“I don’t give a damn about your fight,” Jamie said, taking a step toward the bed. “You’re not six years old, you had no right to...”

“Who the hell gave you permission to use this room?” Joanna said.

“That was Sparky’s idea.”

“Was it Sparky’s idea to leave a rubber in the ashtray? What was that? A little souvenir of your tender romance?”

“He left in a hurry.”

“Which is just the way you’re gonna leave!” Joanna said.

“Listen, you,” Lissie said heatedly, “why don’t you shut the fuck up? My father...”

“Lissie!” Jamie shouted.

“Where’d you get this rotten kid?” Joanna asked.

“My father and I are trying to talk here,” Lissie said. “If you’d...”

“Get dressed,” Joanna said. “Pack your things and get out. Take your boyfriend’s scumbag with you.”

“I don’t have to do what you...”

“Lissie, darling,” Joanna said sweetly, “you almost spoiled our wedding day, but that’s the last thing you’re ever going to spoil. Get out. And don’t come back till you’ve learned a little common decency and respect. If not for me, at least for your father.”

“I do respect my father.”

“And I respect Adolf Hitler! Get rid of her,” Joanna said, and stormed out of the room.

“You heard her,” Jamie said.

“Dad, you don’t know how terrible it was,” Lissie said, and suddenly began sobbing. She got off the bed, and went to him, and hugged him close, her face pressed against his chest, her tears wetting his shirt, and all at once he felt his anger dissolving. He held her tightly and said, “What happened, Lissie?”

“He was a junkie, Dad,” she said in a rush, sobbing, catching her breath, “half the kids here tonight were junkies. I didn’t know that, Dad, I wouldn’t have allowed him to invite them if I’d known. He said it would just be for a few drinks, they tried to turn me on, Dad, it wasn’t the first time, Dad, I just wouldn’t do it, I’d never stick a needle in my body as long as I live, you know that, Dad.”

“Yes, darling, I know that.”

She moved away from him abruptly, as though remembering she was still wearing only T-shirt and panties, and went quickly to the chair across the room, and took her dress from it, and pulled it over her head. Searching for her shoes and socks, she said, “I’ll clean up before I leave, Dad, I promise, it’s just that it happened so suddenly, the fight with him, and he... he was gone before I... before I knew what was happening.” She burst into tears again, and he went to her and embraced her again, and then brushed her hair away from her face, and she nodded, and sniffed, and then, still sobbing, said, “I guess everything has to end sooner or later, doesn’t it, Dad, but oh, God, oh, God!”

“Stop crying, Liss,” he said, and handed her his handkerchief. “Here. Blow your nose.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she said, and took the handkerchief. “God, I’m going to miss him, Dad.”

“You’ll get over it,” he said. “Dry your eyes.”

“I hope so, Dad. I mean, you don’t know what a trauma this is for me, Dad, He was the only one I had. When I realized I didn’t have a father anymore...”

“Didn’t have a father? Lissie...”

“You know what I mean, Dad. The distance between us and all.” She sat in the chair beside the dressing table, and pulled on her blue socks, and then began lacing the high-topped workman’s shoes. “Sparky was always there,” she said, “he was at least always there. And he respected me, Dad. I know that may sound strange, him hitting me and all...”

“Hitting you?”

“Yes, Dad,” she said, and looked up at him.

“Jesus, Lissie, why didn’t you tell me any of—?”

“I’m sorry, Dad but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could tell you, not when there were all those hard feelings between us.”

“Did you tell your mother?”

“Please don’t call her that, Dad, please! You have no idea how it hurts me to hear you calling her ‘your mother’ instead of ‘Mom.’ If you had any idea...”

“Lissie, it wouldn’t be right for me to refer to her as ‘Mom.’ We’re divorced now.”

“Yes, I know that, Dad, but couldn’t you please make the effort?”

“Lissie...”

“Knowing how much it means to me?”

She got up from where she was sitting, went to the dresser, and picked up Joanna’s silver hairbrush. As she began brushing her hair, she said, “Do you think Joanna would mind my using this?”

“You’ve used everything else,” Jamie said, “I think it’s a little late to be asking whether...”

“God, she didn’t have to say all those terrible things to me,” Lissie said, standing before the mirror and brushing her hair. “I mean, shit, it’s not as if I wanted any of this to happen, it just sort of got out of control.”

“You shouldn’t have invited those people here in the first place,” Jamie said.

“ I didn’t invite them, Sparky did.”

“You’re my daughter, not Sparky.”

“If I’m your daughter, then how could you allow Joanna to say all those horrible things to me? Without once standing up for me. I mean, Jesus, Dad, how could you do that to your own daughter?”

“Lissie... Joanna’s my wife.”

“So she’s your wife! I’m your daughter! Doesn’t that count for anything? I’m your flesh and blood! A six -year-old, great, that’s what she called me, a six -year-old.”

“ I was the one who...”

“Not that it should have come as any surprise. I mean, you’ve been telling me forever how immature I am. Or how thoughtless or careless or inconsiderate or whatever the hell. I guess it’s just never occurred to you how hurtful that can be. I mean, Dad, did it ever once occur to you that maybe you owe me a sincere apology? I mean, if you ever expect me to really forgive you.”