Andrea Bennett - Two Cousins of Azov

‘And Olga is—’

‘God’s gift to me! My child, my daughter!’ He raised his hands heavenward, fingers curled.

‘Ah. Of course, I remember now.’ Sveta’s face wrinkled. ‘But how is she involved?’

‘She’s not! She’s not involved in anything. She’s not in my life! I didn’t realise… I tried not to think! I put her to the back of my mind, when they went. But Albina asked me… at the dacha , she said, “Did she die?” And I thought – no, of course she didn’t die! How could you think that? She just went away.’

‘Yes?’ Sveta was confused.

‘So why did I act like she was dead?’ Gor shouted. ‘It didn’t have to be forever, did it? Why didn’t I write to her, phone her: go and see her in the holidays?’

Sveta’s mouth opened to speak, but he carried on.

‘I’ll tell you why: because I was a coward! Because it would have hurt too much: because I would have felt everything, and suffered every time we said goodbye. I would have had to pretend that I was strong! And I couldn’t do it! So I put her out of my mind, and turned my back. It was all too painful. Just like Tolya, just like Baba, just like families…’

Sveta’s bottom lip protruded as she scanned the sky. ‘That’s so sad, Gor. So very sad. But it doesn’t have to be like that. We can make happiness as well as misery. You made a mistake, but it’s not too late—’

‘Save your gentleness, Sveta. It is very much too late. There is nothing left in my life. Nothing to share, with anyone. I am a shell, a thief with nothing to offer. I lie to myself and I—’

The earth shivered. Albina was bounding towards them, moon-boots snagging in the grass, floundering in the mud.

‘It’s all right, malysh ! I’ve found him!’ Sveta waved. She turned to Gor. ‘What do you mean – a thief?’

Albina flung herself to the ground next to them, panting and red-faced, before Gor could answer.

‘Why are you sitting in a field?’ Her voice held an edge of scorn. ‘We were worried about you, you know!’

‘Hush, milaya . Gor is feeling bad.’

‘Aaah?’ She turned to look into his face, her hair wiggling like worms in the wet air.

‘Not feeling bad. I am bad! Oh yes. The more I think about it, the more squalid I become: mean – ridiculous—’

‘What?’ Albina was incredulous.

‘Listen,’ he spoke with slow deliberation, ‘these people: my cousin, my wife, my daughter… they were my treasures, my responsibility, all these three. And I failed them. I forgot them. I conjured them away, out of my life. Even you, my dear friends: you who cared for me. How did I repay you? I let you run into a burning building, Sveta, and I let you run about on a roof, Albina. I put you in harm’s way, while you strove to protect me.’ His yellow teeth shone in a sickly grin. ‘My shame is complete, and absolute. I am a failure as a human. What is a little theft against that?’

‘Theft?’ Albina pushed herself up to crouch next to Gor, her eyes wide, considering. The smell of mud and salt and weeds blew through her hair.

‘Money. It took over my mind: I let it. After all, it was money, not love, so I fretted over it. Just money.’

‘You stole some money?’ Albina’s smile was gleeful.

‘Oh yes, I who lectured you on the importance of being a good student and getting good grades. I am a common thief.’

‘Fantastic!’

‘Gor, you are never common. But tell us – a thief, really?’

‘Did you rob a bank?’

Gor hesitated. ‘Do you really need the detail?’

‘An orphanage?’ she snorted.

He sighed. ‘No. Not an orphanage. I abused the trust of those who respected me… I—’ He raised his sorrowful eyes to gaze at Sveta and shrugged with a defeated air. ‘I took the Magic Circle money. I could almost laugh now. But… I was desperate.’

‘Ah?’ Sveta’s eyebrows corrugated her forehead. ‘Magic Circle?’

‘I am the treasurer. I meant to borrow it, you see, to invest. I was desperate. I lost my life savings – to inflation. There, in the bank.’

‘Inflation?’ Sveta looked doubtful.

‘They keep adding noughts to the rouble bills. Doesn’t it make you wonder what happens to the roubles in old savings accounts? I can tell you; wipe-out. I had nothing. I sold things off to make ends meet, but I struggled. Then it came to me… the Magic Circle interest account: I could invest it, quadruple the money, replenish my savings, and replace the principal. If I played the market right…’

‘Not PPP Invest?’ whispered Sveta. ‘Tell me you didn’t—’

‘The very same. It’s almost funny, isn’t it? The PPP pyramid.’

‘Oh Gor!’ Sveta pressed her cheeks, shaking her head. ‘You silly!’

Albina frowned and surveyed the horizon with a serious eye. ‘An unwise investment. How much did you lose?’

‘About… about a million roubles.’

She brightened. ‘Oh, that’s not so bad then.’

‘It seemed like everything – like the end of everything. I was so wrapped up in it… so wrapped up in money! The day I stole it… the day I went to the bank… was my cousin’s birthday. That’s why I forgot it! Don’t you see? I was wrapped up in money, and I forgot about him – for weeks! If I’d only remembered, I’d have known he was sick. I could have helped! My greed killed him, as surely as if I’d stuck a dagger in his belly!’

‘No, no really, this is ridiculous. First a thief and now a murderer! Gor, this is not you!’

‘He’s dead?’ Albina’s face paled. She leant forward, putting her arm around Gor’s shoulder as he huddled on the patch of sandy mud. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Sveta blotted her eyes on the back of her bandages and sniffed hard. ‘No matter what has happened, not matter what you say you are, Gor, I believe you are good, and we are here to help you.’ She put her arm around the other shoulder. ‘We are your friends. We will sort all this out. We will not abandon you.’

Gor sat head down, nodding gently to himself, dry-eyed, his back bent with the weight of his thoughts, as the drizzle sheened their skin. High above, a gull hovered on the air.

‘Ahoy!’

The cry came from the direction of the Vim. Sveta raised her head. A figure was stumbling towards them, hopping over pot-holes and long grasses. Someone in a house coat, with lank hair and glasses. She looked cross.

‘What are you doing out here? Elderly citizen: really, sitting on the wet ground? Citizen patient – you should know better! Child, you too! Are you all mad? Matron has seen you from the tower – and she is very distressed. You must come in at once! At once, she said!’ The administrator pointed towards the dull grey tower on the end of the building. They saw a figure at the window move away into the shadows.

‘Oh dear,’ said Sveta ruefully, ‘we’d better go. Come, Gor.’

They rose as one, and as one, each arm in arm, they made the journey back to the hulk of the building. Mud oozed through Sveta’s toes and she shivered. The shaggy dog watched them as they straggled back through the yard, thumping its tail in greeting.

‘So, Sveta,’ said Gor softly as they reached the bottom of the entrance steps, ‘go and make yourself ready. I should speak to Matron about my cousin, but I don’t have the strength. At this moment, I can only think of going home. We will wait for you here.’ He could barely lift his feet, one after the other, up the crumbling entrance steps.

‘Well, Gor, I’m afraid… Matron hasn’t yet signed me out,’ Sveta said in a small voice. She glanced up at the doorway where an orderly with a blanket was pushing through the glass, eyes fixed on her. ‘And I don’t think she will now.’ She turned to Gor. ‘Tomorrow is another day.’