Andrea Bennett - Two Cousins of Azov

Sveta swivelled on the bed and eased her feet to the floor in a decisive movement.

‘What are you doing, Mama?’

She threaded her bandaged hands through the sleeves of her gown. ‘Foreboding! That’s what it is! This building is full of it! I’m going to look for Gor.’

‘But what if Matron sees you?’

‘I don’t care if Matron sees me! I’ve been waiting for Matron all day.’ She stood so that Albina could knot the belt at her waist. ‘I’m beginning to think she’s a myth. Slippers, please.’

Albina shrugged and stretched under the bed for the slippers.

They marched on soft feet down the corridor, Albina opening the doors and Sveta hopping through. Glancing over their shoulders, they skipped past the nurses’ station and eased down the stairs. It was easy: no one paid attention. They heard the echo of the mini-cinema, and headed for the entrance hall and its confluence of corridors.

The administrator was arguing with a visitor, hunched and dripping over the counter.

‘I cannot give out confidential information!’ she roared. ‘How much clearer do I have to be?’

There was no option to scuttle unnoticed across the hall, so they set out at a march, backs straight and heads high. They nearly made it.

‘One moment! Citizen… Woman! Patient! Where are you going? You can’t go through there!’ The administrator was outraged.

Sveta did not stop. ‘I have lost my friend. He came this way. I have to find him.’ They made directly for the door to Gagarin wing.

‘I know you! You were here on Friday! You’re the citizen who burnt her hands!’

‘Uh-huh!’ nodded Sveta with a smile, waving her hands and still making for the door.

‘You’re looking for that man, aren’t you?’

They slowed.

‘The tall, dark, miserable one?’

They stopped.

‘You won’t find him.’ The administrator pushed her glasses back up her nose triumphantly. ‘He ran out of the door half an hour ago.’

Albina and Sveta swapped glances.

‘He hasn’t gone. He wouldn’t do that,’ whispered Sveta.

She took Albina’s arm and they swerved for the entrance door.

‘Hey! You can’t go outside! Matron will—’

It slammed behind them.

The little car stood forlorn in the car park, door open and keys in the ignition. There was no sign of Gor.

‘Something terrible has happened! Look, the seat covers are all wet. He wouldn’t leave it like that. There’s evil at work here!’

They called his name, voices carried on the breeze to the edges of the estuary. The only reply came from the wind whistling around the corner of the building, blowing salt and drizzle on them from the sea.

‘Has he been kidnapped, Mama?’

‘Kidnapped? Well… Who knows in this crazy world! We must search for him. You go that way, malysh , quick, scout around, look for clues, but keep away from the water. I’ll go around the other side. If you need me – scream.’

Albina nodded earnestly.

Sveta lurched towards the building, the open flats and sea beyond, while Albina headed along the drive towards the road, following the edge of the creek. At the top of the entrance steps a dark, dripping figure watched them.

Sveta’s progress was slow, hampered by treacherous slippers that were quickly water-logged. She rounded the building and found herself in the back yard. Here were the kitchens, warm scents of cutlets and buckwheat streaming through the door to lie heavy on the damp air. Voices came, the sounds of people carrying on their afternoon patter. A dog sat in the yard, well-fed and shaggy, ignoring two bright-eyed cats churning in a bin beside it. It yawned as Sveta stepped over uneven paving stones and through a broken wooden gate, out to the grass and mud of the world beyond.

She spotted a tall figure in the distance, clambering over tussocks of sea grass, wobbling towards the lone tree that stood stark against the sky.

‘Gor! Gor Papasyan! Come back!’

He didn’t hear. She bumped and stumbled across mud streams, old wooden buckets, rotten car parts, ancient broken nets, bones bleached white by the sun. ‘Gor! Wait!’ she shouted into the wind.

The figure stopped, but did not turn.

Sveta panted. Her slippers had disappeared into the mud, and the bottom of her gown slapped wetly against her calves. Her bandaged hands were smeared brown and gritty, and her hair fell into her eyes. She squinted up at the figure by the tree. It was looking out at the water, watching as the light began to fade. The wind whistled in her ears.

‘What are you doing?’ she bellowed.

He turned, his gaunt face twisting.

‘I… I needed some air.’

‘Air? Huh!’ She gathered up the flapping hem of her nightie to clamber over the last mud-dune and reach Gor’s side. ‘Well, there’s plenty of air.’

He stumbled backwards as she stood to face him.

‘What’s wrong? You didn’t come back!’

‘I… oh Sveta, I’m sorry, look at you! Running out here… worried about me. And I… He… Oh it’s too much!’

‘It’s just mud! I’ll get over it. But you—’ She looked into his face.

‘Sveta, don’t! I’m not worth your concern! I am a failure, not a human being!’ He threw himself to the ground, shrinking before her eyes, hands grasping tufts of grey grass as he knelt in the mud and growled out the words.

‘Is it your cousin?’

He shook his head. ‘I’ve… I’ve gone wrong. It’s all wrong. So many… I don’t know… what to do.’

‘Is it… is it to do with the… the shameful thing, you once mentioned? The thing about you… that you said I don’t know. Tell me?’

‘Ha! Just one shameful thing? Just one, you think?’ He looked up, baring his teeth in a grimace fuelled by laughter and tears, and spat into the mud. ‘Dear Sveta, curl your toes! This will be the end of our friendship. I don’t even know where to start.’

‘Start with whatever comes out first.’ She crouched down next to him and took his hand. ‘We’ll make sense of it.’

‘My cousin has… gone.’

‘Gone?’

‘He is dead.’

‘Ah!’ Sveta nodded slowly. ‘I’m so sorry, Gor.’

‘Not as sorry as I! I didn’t want to come, you see; I troubled over the petrol – no, really! Any excuse to avoid… finding out. And finally I came, to spout platitudes and say sorry, and ask if he needed cake. And his room was empty! He’s gone.’ The words came out clipped, staccato. ‘Without me. I wasn’t there with him! After all that time…’

‘You weren’t to know.’ She reached out to him and squeezed his fingers, but he pulled away, eyes trailing to the pine tree swaying with the moaning wind.

‘I should have known! Mama told me to look after him. She told me to be kind. But I failed. I even forgot his birthday! I never forget his birthday! It is the one thing… I failed him. Not once but many times. No surprise to you, surely?’

‘Oh no, Gor. You’re being hard on yourself. You did your best—’

‘No Sveta, I did the bare minimum!’ He pushed away her hands as his eyes blazed. ‘Forget kind words. I did what I could get away with. I did not love him as I should have.’

He pressed his hands to his mouth and closed his eyes.

‘But that’s human nature! Heaven knows, you can’t choose your family! But… we do our duty. I’m sure you did too.’

‘Ah, family duty? I assure you I have not done my duty. I have failed, Sveta! In everything! Do you understand? In e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. The people I should have loved and protected… My Marina!’

‘Marina?’

‘My wife. Beautiful, sweet little Marina. She chose me, you know. I was too shy, when I was young, to ever… But she picked me out, and she loved me, she really loved me… But what happened? After a while, I didn’t notice. I was busy, always busy with the stupid things in life; loans and savings accounts! And when she left, for better love, I sneered – who needs love, eh? And who deserves it? Not me! I buttoned up my skin, and pretended she had never been. Just like Olga.’