Лиана Мориарти - Nine Perfect Strangers

Tony held up the bottle. “Refill?”

Frances looked at her glass, considered. “No, thank you.”

He went to refill his own glass, changed his mind, and put the bottle back down.

“I must be transformed,” said Frances. “Normally I’d say yes.”

“Me too,” said Tony.

He got that decisive, focused, I’m going in look men got on their faces when they’d decided it was time to kiss you.

Frances thought of that first kiss at Natalie’s sixteenth birthday party, how incredible and glorious it was, and how that was the boy who ended up telling her that he preferred smaller breasts. She thought of Gillian telling her to stop acting like the heroine of one of her own novels. Tony lived in Melbourne and was no doubt very settled in his life there. She thought of how often she’d moved for a man, how she’d been prepared to pack up her life and move to America for a man who didn’t even exist.

She thought of Masha asking, “Do you want to be a different person when you leave here?”

She said to Tony, “Normally I’d say yes.”

75

One week later

“So, I’m not pregnant,” said Jessica. “Never was pregnant. It was all in my head.”

Ben looked up from the couch. He picked up the remote and turned off Top Gear.

“Okay,” he said.

She came and sat down next to him and put her hand on his knee and for a moment they sat in silence and didn’t say a word, but somehow they both knew what it meant.

If she’d been pregnant, they would have stayed together. There was enough love left to stay together for a baby.

But she wasn’t pregnant, and there wasn’t enough love left to try again, or for anything else, except an inevitable, amicable divorce.

Two weeks later

The house smelled of gingerbread and caramel and butter. Carmel had cooked all her daughters’ favorite foods for their homecoming.

She heard the sound of the car pulling into the driveway and went to the door.

The car doors flew open and out tumbled her four little girls. They knocked her to her knees with their embraces. She buried her nose in their hair, the crooks of their arms. They burrowed into her, and instantly began to fight over her like she was a favorite stuffed toy.

Lizzie got elbowed in the eye by one of her sisters and wailed. Lulu screamed at Allie, “Let me have a turn hugging Mummy! You’re taking all of her!” Sadie grabbed at Carmel’s hair and tugged, bringing tears of pain to her eyes.

“Let your mother stand up!” snapped Joel. He never did well on long-haul flights. “For Christ’s sake.”

Carmel managed to stagger to her feet.

Lulu said fiercely, “I am never ever leaving you again, Mummy.”

Joel snapped, “Lulu! Don’t be so ungrateful. You just had the holiday of a lifetime.”

“No need to get cross with her,” said Sonia. “We’re all tired.”

Watching her ex-husband’s new girlfriend criticize him reminded Carmel of the euphoria she’d experienced after drinking that drug-laced smoothie.

“Go inside, girls,” said Carmel. “There are treats.”

The girls ran.

“You look great ,” said Sonia, who looked gray-faced and jet-lagged.

“Thanks,” said Carmel. “I’ve had a really nice break.”

“Have you lost weight ?” asked Sonia.

“I don’t know,” said Carmel. She honestly didn’t know. It no longer seemed important.

“Well, I don’t know what it is, but you just look transformed, you really do,” said Sonia warmly. “Your skin looks great, your hair … everything.”

Carmel thought, Damn it, I’m going to become your friend, aren’t I?

She realized that Joel wouldn’t even notice any difference in her. You never changed your appearance for men, you changed it for other women , because they were the ones carefully tracking each other’s weight and skin tone along with their own; they were the ones trapped with you on the ridiculous appearance-obsession merry-go-round that they couldn’t or wouldn’t get off. Even if she’d been a perfectly toned and manicured gym junkie, Joel would still have left her. His “lack of attraction” had nothing to do with her. He hadn’t left her for something better, but for something new.

Joel said, “We got seated right near the toilets on the flight home. Bang, bang, bang, went the door all night. I never slept at all.”

“Unacceptable,” said Carmel.

“I know,” said Joel. “I tried to get us upgraded on points but no luck.”

Carmel registered the upward lift of Sonia’s eyes. Yes, definitely friends.

“So, I’ve been thinking it might be good if you could help with some of the chauffeuring around to after-school activities this year,” said Carmel to Joel. “I wore myself out trying to do everything on my own last year and I want to keep up this new exercise routine I’ve got going.”

“Of course,” said Sonia. “We’re co-parents!”

“My mouth feels disgusting,” muttered Joel. “I think it’s the dehydration.”

“Send me their schedules,” said Sonia. “We’ll get it all worked out. Or, if you want, we could have a coffee together, talk it through?” She looked nervous, as if she’d overstepped.

“That sounds good,” said Carmel.

“I set my own hours, so I can be really flexible,” said Sonia. The enthusiasm bubbled up in her voice. “I’d love to help out with their ballet, any time. I always dreamed of having a little girl and doing her hair for ballet and, well, as you know, I can’t have children of my own, so I’m never—”

“You can’t have children?” interrupted Carmel.

“I’m sorry, I thought you knew that,” said Sonia, with a sideways glance at Joel, who was busy running his finger around the inside of his mouth.

“I didn’t know that,” said Carmel. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s fine, I’ve fully accepted it,” said Sonia, with a second glance at Joel that told Carmel it was not fine for Sonia, but it was just great for Joel. “But that’s why I’d love to help with ballet. Unless you want to keep that for yourself, of course.”

“You’re very welcome to ballet,” said Carmel, who was not a ballet mum and could never manage those sleek ballet buns to the satisfaction of her daughters or their teacher, Miss Amber.

“Really?” Sonia clasped her hands as if she’d been given the most precious gift, and the joyous gratitude in her eyes made Carmel want to cry with gratitude too. The girls weren’t going to have to be confused by the arrival of a half sibling and Carmel was going to get out of all things ballet. Miss Amber would love Sonia. Sonia would volunteer to help out doing hair and makeup at the recitals. Carmel was permanently off the hook.

Later today Carmel would tell Lulu to never ever correct anyone who said how much she looked like her mummy when she was out with Sonia.

“I’ll research the best calendar-sharing apps.” Sonia took out her phone from her handbag and tapped herself a note.

Carmel experienced another burst of euphoria. She might have lost a husband, but she’d got herself a wife . An efficient, energetic young wife. What a bargain. What an upgrade.

She’d be there for poor Sonia when, in ten years or so, Joel decided he was due for his next upgrade.

“Can we talk about ballet another time?” said Joel. “Because right now, I really need to get home for a shower.” He made a movement toward his car.

“We need to say goodbye to the girls!” said Sonia.

“Of course,” sighed Joel. It seemed like it had been a long holiday.

“Was it paleo?” Sonia whispered to Carmel, as they headed inside the house. “Five: two? Eighteen: six?”