Cecelia Ahern - Flawed

Juniper looks at me in surprise, a mouth full of cereal. She chews slowly, and I can tell she’s trying to think.

I know it’s unfair of me to bring it up so loudly in front of everyone, but she is up to something and what she said about Logan has really hurt me. Finally, I’m making friends and she’s taking away from the thrill I should be feeling. My heart is racing as I watch her eat her sugary cereal; it’s making me angrier and angrier.

“What are you talking about?”

“For the past two weeks I’ve gone into your room at midnight most nights, and you haven’t been there.”

She laughs as if I’m ludicrous, which annoys me. I don’t like people thinking I’m crazy. Not now. Not after seeing Angelina Tinder lose her mind. I don’t want that to happen to me. Mary May looks up from her paperwork. Mom and Dad watch us with interest.

“Fight, fight, fight,” Ewan chants, before Juniper kicks him under the table.

“Maybe I was in the bathroom.”

“You weren’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I checked.”

“Okay, stalker.”

I don’t like how she looks at me.

“Is this true, Juniper?” Dad asks, coming over to the table.

“You’re going to give me shit when you know Celestine was leaving the house most nights to meet Art?”

Mom looks at Mary May in panic. “ Before the branding. Juniper, please clarify,” she says sharply.

“Before the branding,” she says as though she’s a scolded child.

“What you both used to be able to do before and what you can do now is different, Juniper. If people see you and think that you’re Celestine, she will get into trouble. Like the hair,” Dad says, looking at Mary May angrily.

“So I can’t live my life because Celestine can’t?”

“Celestine can live her life, so watch your mouth, young lady,” Dad raises his voice, which startles us all.

“Anyway, I haven’t been sneaking out,” she says, eyes down, and I know she’s lying.

“Are you calling me a liar?” I ask.

She glares at me. “I don’t need to call you anything. Stick out your tongue, Celestine.”

“You stupid, little…” I pick up my oatmeal and hurl it at her.

Mom and Dad dive on both of us, separating us. Juniper is sent upstairs to change her oatmeal-covered clothes.

“Go on, take another hour to get dressed like you always do,” I shout after her.

“Celestine, stop,” Mom admonishes me.

Mary May takes out her notebook.

“What?” I snap. “Fighting with siblings isn’t allowed, either? What do I get as punishment, extra pumpkin seeds for dinner?” I stand up and make my way to the sink. As I reach past Mary May to get the cloth behind her to clean the oatmeal, she must think I’m going for her and brings her hand back and slaps me hard across the face with her leather glove. The pain stuns me as much as the shock of it.

“How dare you!” my dad yells, rushing over to her, but then he stops right in front of her as though there’s a force field stopping him from getting close, which I guess is exactly what there is. She’s untouchable. She is what I thought I used to be.

My eyes prick with tears, my face stinging, but I won’t let Mary May see me cry.

Mom rushes to my side, “My baby, my poor baby.” She hugs me while over her shoulder Mary May looks at me menacingly with cold blue eyes. Mom pulls away and takes the cloth it is now obvious that I was reaching for, though I don’t see a hint of regret in Mary May’s face. “I’ll do this,” she says, her voice trembling with anger. “A mother can help her daughter. Now, is there anything else I can do for you this morning, or is that all?”

Mary May seems to be unmoved by it all, maybe she’s even enjoyed it. “I understand that Celestine has a party tonight. Curfew breaking is considered a very serious breach of the rules. Celestine would have to go before the Guild court to decide her punishment, but punishments usually bleed into the rest of your family. Simply put, if you break the rules, your family will be punished. Just ask your friend Angelina Tinder; ask her where her boys have been this week.”

I think of the silence in their house when I visited, how there were no signs of their presence, no sounds of their playing. I swallow.

Mom looks at me; her fear is clear. “They were taken into temporary foster care for one week.”

“I won’t be late,” I say quietly. I couldn’t cope with Ewan being taken away from us.

Mary May gathers her things to leave. “By the way, Judge Crevan tells me we will soon be recruiting an old friend of yours. Art Crevan is to become a new member of the Whistleblowers, and I’ve been honored to be asked to personally train him myself.” She gives me a look, a satisfied twinkle in her eye, before she closes the door behind her, leaving me shivering in fear.

“Art couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Working for the Guild is the last thing he’d ever do. He wants to go to university. I’m going to study mathematics; he’s going to study science. That’s what we planned.”

Dad sits on my other side as Mom applies cream to my face to stop the bruising from coming up.

Dad sighs. “Oh, Celestine, I’m sorry.” He kisses my forehead. “Try not to worry. Last I heard, they still don’t even know where Art is. Crevan has put a lot of manpower into finding him, but there’s been nothing yet.”

“I hope he got away,” I say, for the first time realizing Art might be right, maybe we can’t make us work.

“Me too.” Dad smiles sadly. “Now put it out of your mind. I know that’s hard, but you have to look forward. Let’s think of tonight. New beginnings. New friendships.”

I nod, trying to ignore the throbbing in my cheek.

“What was all that noise?” Juniper says, entering the kitchen. “Dad, did you shout?”

She has taken far less time to dress than I expected, and as soon as I see her, I suck in air. She is wearing my clothes. Pink skinny jeans and a cream crop top that I threw out last night. I’d tried it on, but it revealed the F brand at the base of my spine. I can never wear it again. I threw all those clothes out so I’d never see them again, never be reminded of the life I had to leave behind, the person I used to be. And now she’s wearing them. It all looks unusual on her, out of place.

“What?” She looks at me self-consciously, angry and embarrassed at the silence that has greeted her. Wearing it is retribution for my calling her out earlier, but it has backfired. Even Mom and Dad are uncomfortable with what they see. “You’re wearing my clothes. What am I supposed to do?”

I watch Juniper walk across the kitchen confidently in my clothes, in the crop top that would reveal both my chest and spine brands, in flip-flops that would reveal my foot brand. Reminders, rubbing it in my face.

Today Juniper must get the bus to school. She was quite happy with the chauffeuring, but now that I can’t attend any longer, she’s back to getting the bus. I was worried for her, hoping she wouldn’t get into any trouble on the bus, but now I couldn’t care less.

“I need some air,” I say quietly, feeling dizzy.

“Hold on.” Mom holds me back at my shoulders as Juniper steps outside into the full glare of the media. There’s a small, amused smile on her lips. “They’ll think she’s you.”

I look outside to see Juniper being surrounded by the press. She can barely move forward they’re so much in her face. I bite my lip to hide a smile, then slip outside. Perhaps Mr. Murray was correct about being able to slip into the cracks.

FORTY-THREE

LOGAN’S HOUSE IS on the other side of town, in an equally leafy neighborhood in a nice part of the suburbs. I blare the music and lower the window to feel the wind in my face. I sing loudly, feeling free. As long as I have friends who will support me and be friends with me for who I am, I can do this, I can live this life. It’s not what I wanted, it’s not what I planned for in my carefully thought-out plans of yesteryear, but it’s the hand that I’ve been dealt, and I will make as much of it as I can. I sing along to the radio, feeling happy, feeling like maybe I don’t even need to worry about outing Crevan’s act in the chamber. I can live this life. I can be happy.