Iris Murdoch - Under the Net

The police moved us on at about six a. m. This is the hour when, for some reason, one begins to be a menace to law and order. These things I learnt in days when I was even less successful than I am now. After a rest in Trafalgar Square, which is another place where the police don't like one to lie down, Mars and I presented ourselves at Mrs Tinckham's shop just as it was opening. There, under the scandalized gaze of half a dozen arched and prickling cats, the hero of Five in a Flood consumed a large bowl of milk, and I borrowed a pound. Finn opened the door for me at Goldhawk Road and led me straight to the bed which he had vacated. I slept again for a long time.

I woke up and it was the afternoon. I woke with a dull and oppressed consciousness, as when a holiday is over and there is an accumulated pile of work waiting to be done. I pulled myself out of bed. It was raining. I stared for a while at this phenomenon. Changes of weather always take me by surprise, nor can I when the climate is set one way at all bring to my imagination what it is like for it to be set the other. I had quite forgotten about rain. I opened the window. Then for about four minutes I did some diaphragmatic breathing. To do this one opens the lungs to their fullest extent, placing the hands on the lower ribs and slowly expanding the diaphragm; one holds the breath while counting eight at moderate speed and then releases it quietly through the mouth with a low hissing sound. It is unwise to do this for too long as it may induce unconsciousness. I was taught diaphragmatic breathing by a Japanese who claimed that it had transformed his life, and although I cannot say that it has transformed mine, I can recommend it as being harmless and conceivably beneficial, particularly for someone who is as suggestible as I am.

I got dressed and put my head cautiously round the door to look for Finn. I was in no hurry to confront Dave, who I feared might have some heavy remarks to make about the Mars episode. Finn, who had heard me getting up, was hovering about and came at once. I asked him if he would go and buy some horse meat for Mars, but it turned out that he had already done this. Finn doesn't like dogs, but he is a considerate man. Then he handed me a bunch of letters. The only one of these which was of any interest from the point of view of the present story was one which contained a cheque for six hundred and thirty-three pounds ten. For a moment or two I stared at the cheque in bewilderment, wondering who could have made such an odd mistake. Then I drew out of the envelope a typewritten sheet on which were listed the names: Little Grange, Peter of Alex, Hal Adair, Dagenham, Saint Cross, Queen's Rook. They were like names out of history. At the foot of the statement Sammy had written--You put it down and you pick it up! Suggest you back Lyrebird next time out. I blushed. When Finn saw me blushing he left the room. Perhaps he thought I had a letter from Anna. But there was no letter from Anna.

Sammy's honourable behaviour put me in a fever to settle the question of Mars. I strode at once into the living-room, where Dave was sitting at the typewriter and Finn was leaning thoughtfully in the doorway. Dave was writing an article for Mind on the incongruity of counterparts. He had been working for some time on this article, which he wrote sitting in front of a mirror, and alternately staring at his reflection and examining his two hands. He had several times tried to explain to me his solution, but I had not yet got as far as grasping the problem. He stopped tapping as I came in and looked at me from under his eyebrows. Finn sat down unostentatiously, like someone taking his place at the back of the court. Mars, who had been lying on the rug, gave me an ecstatic welcome. When this was over I led off quickly.

'Perhaps it was a bad idea,' I said, 'but the question is, what to do now. I want you and Finn to help me to write a letter.'

Dave stretched out his legs. I could see he was not going to be hurried into omitting anything. 'How you are an amateur, Jake!' he said.

I thought this was just a bit unkind 'Let us be practical,' I said.

'The first thing, I suppose, is to let Starfield know in whose hands Mars is and for what purpose he was taken. It seems pointless to conceal our identity. Sammy would guess it anyway as soon as we announced our terms.'

'In answer to that,' said Dave, 'I have two observations.

Primo, that I do not like this use of we. I am not a thief of this dog. Secundo, that naturally Finn and I have already informed Starfield by telephone of the identity of the kidnapper.'

'Why?' I asked him, amazed.

'Because,' said Dave, 'as should be obvious to a blackmailer of even mediocre ability, it was advisable that Starfield should if possible be prevented from alerting the police. That our information in fact restrained him from doing so is suggested by the fact that you are still at large. I notice that you took the trouble to get your picture into all the papers.'

I sat down. When I saw how much Dave relished my predicament I lost the misgivings which I had been beginning to have about inconveniencing him by my antics.

'I appreciate your concern for me,' I said coolly. You overlook the fact that this premature revelation makes it pointless for me to spring on Sammy the proposal to exchange Mars for the typescript. By now Sammy could have had the thing photostated am hundred times over.'

You are naive,' said Dave. 'Can you imagine that he would not have done it already? For one like Starfield a thousand typists toil day and night. Not for more than a minute would he let an important document exist in one copy.'

'I'm sure from the way he spoke that there was only one, in the afternoon anyway,' I said.

'You cannot know,' said Dave, 'and in any case what was certain was that the police could lay their hand on you blindfold.

When will you learn not to travel in taxis?'

I didn't think that I would really have been so easy to catch, but I let that pass. 'Well, then,' I said, 'as a result of your well- meaning move we shall have to modify our proposal. The proposal now is that we exchange Mars, not for the typescript, but for a document guaranteeing me a suitable compensation for its use.'

'You are raving,' said Dave, 'and it is clear that you have not thought the thing out at all.' He pushed his typewriter aside and cleared a space in front of him on the table.

'We must first analyse the situation,' he said. 'Let us consider it under two headings: one, what are your powers, and two, how will you use them. It is useless to consider two until you have first considered one, isn't it? You must be logical, Jake. All right?'

'All right,' I said. I felt as the victims of Socrates must have felt. It was impossible to hurry the man.

'Under one,' said Dave, 'I distinguish two questions: A, how urgently does this Starfield need this dog, and B, how far is this Starfield legally in the wrong about your translation. Now perhaps you can tell us what you know about A?' Dave looked at me, affecting to expect that I had special information about it.

'I've no idea,' I said.

'No idea!' cried Dave, simulating surprise. 'So in fact, for all you know, this Starfield may not need the dog for weeks or months? Or perhaps he is not yet sure whether he will use the dog at all?'

'I read in a Gallup poll,' said Finn, 'that the public are sick of animal pictures.'

'In any case,' said Dave, 'it is not clear that Starfield will be in a hurry. And meanwhile he can afford to let you keep the dog. Think of the money that will save him! How many pounds of meat a day did you say it needed, Finn?'

'One and a half pounds a day,' said Finn.

'Ten and a half pounds of meat a week,' said Dave, 'not counting extras.'

We all turned and looked at the enormous carnivore. It was fast asleep.