Кристиан Новак - Dark Mother Earth

He turned to look at me. Now he knew why I’d asked him to come. If I wanted them to give me back my dad, I had to have somebody to trade. And it couldn’t be me, because then I’d end up dead, and Dad would be back among the living, so we’d miss each other. I wasn’t scared by the idea of going in, but it couldn’t be me. Simple. So it had to be Dejan now, I reckoned, and then later I’d return with somebody else and bring him back. I’d bring somebody old, somebody who was fixing to die soon enough anyway, or a bad person nobody liked. I knew this was a big favor to ask, but I’d swear on my life that from that day forth I’d be Dejan’s servant once it was all over—I’d do his homework for him and keep his bedroom clean. Of course, I could have traded my granny for Dad. I loved my granny, but I had the feeling she’d be willing. She already had her name engraved on Granddad Matjaž’s headstone, with the dates: 1913–19__ . Uncle would tease her that he wouldn’t be paying for another headstone if she lived beyond the year 2000, and she’d snap, “I’ll be glad to be gone. I’m nothing but a burden anyway.” Sometimes she told me she’d be dying soon, and she’d look me straight in the eyes. I thought she wanted to see how I felt about it, so I’d hug her and say she was never going to die. That cheered her up, and she’d pat my head and give me grated apple with sugar and cinnamon. So that’s why Dejan was here.

“Listen. Strip down and stand in the water here. Hold on to this stick, and I’ll pull you back up when they come. The water ain’t that deep here.”

He stared at me frozen, then began moving slowly backward. His back was against the wooden wall of the mill. Now, on top of my own breath, I heard his. The socks were snagging on splinters.

“Come on, let’s do this. The sooner we do it, the sooner we can head home. See? We’ll all have our sodas together at the Sunday soccer game, just like you said.”

“Quit it, stop.”

The sweeter my voice, the more he inched away. I grabbed his sleeve.

“Come on, we agreed. It ain’t deep around here, not, like, over your head.”

Dejan tried pulling away, but I managed to grab him by one arm. I just wanted to explain.

“Wait, wait.”

Dejan lunged to run, but he tripped and fell onto the wooden board closest to the water’s edge. I let go of his arm. I stood over him so he couldn’t get up unless I stepped back. A weird feeling, I can only barely remember it. I stood over him and looked at him; he was no longer my equal, but a means to an end. It felt like his existence didn’t matter as much as mine.

“I’ll come back for you,” I said calmly, leaning forward to push him into the river.

At that moment, a force pulled me up into the air and threw me down so I hit the ground flat on my back.

“What? Are you crazy? You goddam sonofabitch!” roared a voice from the darkness above me. Dejan’s dad. He lifted his son into his arms, hugged him close, and whispered something I didn’t hear. He grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, still holding Dejan, and pulled us back a good ten feet from the riverbank.

“Crazy… plumb crazy…” He sobbed and panted over and over, and Dejan and I eyed each other in the dark.

He held us tight and set off for his house. He must’ve heard Dejan sneaking out and followed him. I knew what it must have looked like to him, as if I actually intended to kill his son.

Strangely, I felt warm in his sturdy grip. He carried us through the dark village all the way to their house, stopping only a few times to catch his breath, never letting us out of his arms. When he opened the front door, Dejan’s mother was in the hallway, gaping aghast at her husband, then her son, then me. Someone had woken her, and she couldn’t tell whether the world she’d woken up to was the same one she’d gone to sleep in hours earlier. Dejan’s dad put me down, but he didn’t let go of Dejan. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket. We looked at each other in the hush of the hallway, in the middle of the night. Dejan’s mom fetched two blankets, one for Dejan, one for me.

“Where were they?” she asked.

“By the Mura, at the old mill,” said his dad. His eyes were open very wide; they were red with rage and relief.

“Mother o’ God.” Dejan’s mother covered her mouth with both hands. She said she’d put Dejan right to bed and they’d take me home, but his father said he wasn’t leaving Dejan alone and we’d all go together. I stopped shivering. As we left the house, I glanced at the wall clock. It was two o’clock in the morning. I’d never been awake this late, not even when we celebrated New Year’s.

Dejan’s father had to ring and ring our bell before a light came on. My mother called to my sister, and after a while there was a voice behind the locked door.

“Who is it?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just Đura Kunčec here. Open up, everything’s okay!”

My mother and sister peered out with the same expression of terror on their faces.

“What’s going on?! Where were you?!” yelled Mom when she saw me.

I walked past her into the house, and the Kunčeces came in after me, silent. We sat in the kitchen.

“I found them by the Mura, at the old mill.”

“The Mura? When?”

“A half hour ago. Your boy and mine.”

“He made me do it!” hollered Dejan with a voice that rang through our cold, empty house. He sobbed, and his father hugged him and quieted him.

Mom turned to me.

“Matija, tell me what you were doing there. This minute.”

I said nothing and stared at the floor. They wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Have you lost your mind? What’s wrong with you? What am I supposed to do with this child?” Her voice gave way to sobs.

Dejan’s mother said: “But that’s not all. There’s something else you need to know…”

They sent Dejan to the car, though it was freezing cold outside, and I was told to go to my room. Our eyes met as he was leaving, and I could see he was done with me.

I got out of my wet clothes, lay down, and pulled up the covers. I could hear what they were saying in the kitchen. Dejan’s dad tried to speak softly, but his voice was so deep that he couldn’t keep it in check. He said that I’d tried to talk Dejan into jumping into the water, and that I was going to push him in when he refused. Dejan’s mother interrupted, agitated and loud. She cried wildly that she was afraid for her boy, that he was her only child. Her husband tried to interrupt, but she couldn’t stop until she’d said she was sorry, but Dejan and I couldn’t spend time together after this.

Mom kept asking them to forgive her, saying how ashamed she was. They left without saying goodbye. I quickly switched off my light and pretended to be asleep. My mother and sister came into the room anyway, turned on the light, and sat me up.

“Don’t hate me,” I repeated, but Mom didn’t reply.

“Tell me what you were doing there. You are not going to sleep till you tell me what you were doing,” she said, furious.

I looked her in the eyes and said nothing. The first slap didn’t surprise me as much as the second one, from my sister. Then the third, and more, came from my own hand. Mom grabbed my wrist and spat, “You’re gonna tell me what was going on out there, or I’ll beat you into the dark, dark earth.”

“We was out looking for Daddy.”

My mother and sister, shocked, stared off in opposite directions. Something might’ve snapped in them if their gazes had met.

“We went looking for him because I think they’re holding him in the land of the dead. So I was going to trade Dejan for him. But I was going to come back for Dejan, and…”

“Listen up, now.” She held me tighter. “You won’t find him. He’s dead and he’s gone. There’s no place on Earth you’ll find him, so stop looking. You’ve got me, and you’ve got your sister, and he’s looking down on you from heaven, and looking after you, but he can’t help you if you don’t help yourself! Act like a normal boy, otherwise… Otherwise they’ll take you… They’ll think I ain’t looking after you like I should, and they’ll take you away, understand? Stop looking for him!”