Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

The dads always say things under their breath to me when they think no one else is listening. For example, me and Barry went to Waterford on our summer holidays and we were lying on the beach on Brittas Bay and a lady walked by in a bikini. Barry’s dad said under his breath, “Getta loada that, Ivan.” The dads always think that I agree with them. They always tell my best friends that I told them things like, “Ivan told me to tell you to eat your broccoli,” and stupid things like that. My best friends know full well that’s not what I would say.

But that’s parents for you.

Nineteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds later, Elizabeth called Luke for dinner. My stomach was grumbling and I was really looking forward to the pizza. I followed Luke down the long hall to the kitchen, looking in every room as we passed. The house was quiet and our footsteps echoed. Every room was all white or beige and so spotless, I began to get nervous about eating my pizza because I didn’t want to make a mess. As far as I could see not only was there no sign of a child living in the house, there was no sign of anyone living in the house. It didn’t have what you’d call a homey feel.

I liked the kitchen though, it was warm from the sun and because it was surrounded by glass, it felt like we were sitting in the garden. Kind of like a picnic. I noticed the table was set for two people so I waited until told where to sit. The plates were big, black, and shiny; the sun shining through the window made the cutlery sparkle, causing two crystal glasses to make rainbow colors on the table. There was a bowl of salad and a glass jug of water with ice and lemon in the center of the table. Everything was resting on black marble place mats. Looking at how everything glistened, I was afraid even to get the napkins dirty.

Elizabeth’s chair legs squeaked against the tiles as she sat down and she put her serviette on her lap. I noticed she’d changed into a chocolate-brown tracksuit to match her hair. Luke’s chair squeaked and he sat down. Elizabeth picked up the giant salad fork and spoon and began to gather leaves and baby tomatoes onto her plate. Luke watched her and frowned. Luke had a slice of margarita pizza on his plate. No olives. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and shuffled nervously from foot to foot.

“Is something wrong, Luke?” Elizabeth asked, pouring dressing over her lettuce.

“Where’s Ivan’s place?”

Elizabeth paused, screwed the lid back on tightly, and put it back in the center of the table. “Now Luke, let’s not be silly,” she said lightheartedly, not looking at him. She was afraid to look.

“I’m not being silly.” Luke frowned. “You said Ivan could stay for dinner.”

“Yes but where is Ivan?” She tried to keep the soft tone in her voice while sprinkling grated cheese over her salad. She didn’t want this to become an issue. She would knock it on the head straightaway and there would be no more talk of invisible friends.

“He’s standing right beside you.”

Elizabeth slammed her knife and fork down and Luke jumped in his seat. She opened her mouth to silence him but was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. As soon as she left the room, Luke got up from his chair and took out a plate from the kitchen press. A big black one just the same as the other two. He placed a slice of pizza onto the plate, took out cutlery and a napkin, and placed it on a third place mat beside him.

“That’s your seat, Ivan,” he said happily and took a bite out of his pizza. A piece of melted cheese dribbled down his chin, looking like yellow string.

To be truthful, I wouldn’t have sat down at the table if it wasn’t for my grumbling stomach shouting at me to eat. I knew Elizabeth would be mad, but if I gobbled it up real fast before she returned to the kitchen then she wouldn’t even know.

“Want some olives on that?” Luke asked, wiping his tomato face on his sleeve.

I laughed and nodded. My mouth was watering.

Elizabeth hurried back into the kitchen just as Luke was reaching up to the shelf.

“What are you doing?” she asked, rummaging through a drawer for something.

“Getting the olives for Ivan,” Luke explained. “He likes olives on his pizza, remember?”

She looked across to the kitchen table and saw that it had been set for three. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Look Luke, don’t you think it’s a waste of food, putting the olives on the pizza? You hate them and I’ll only have to throw it out.”

“Well, it won’t be a waste because Ivan will eat them, won’t you, Ivan?”

“I sure will,” I said, licking my lips and rubbing my aching tummy.

“Well?” Elizabeth cocked an eyebrow. “What did he say?”

Luke frowned. “You mean you can’t hear him either?” He looked at me and circled his forefinger around his temple, signaling to me that his aunt was crazy. “He said he sure will eat them all.”

“How polite of him,” Elizabeth mumbled, continuing to rummage through the drawer. “But you better make sure every last crumb is gone because it’ll be the last time Ivan eats with us if not.”

“Don’t worry, Elizabeth, I’ll gobble it all right up,” I told her, taking a bite. I couldn’t face not being able to eat with Luke and his aunt again. She had sad eyes. Sad brown eyes and I was convinced that I was going to make her happy by eating every last crumb. I ate quickly.

...

“Thanks, Colm,” Elizabeth said tiredly, taking the car keys from the Garda.

“Saoirse was out of the car in less than five minutes and we found it straightaway,” he explained.

She circled the car slowly, inspecting the paintwork closely.

“There’s no damage done,” Colm said, watching her.

“Not to the car anyway.” She attempted a joke, patting the bonnet. She always felt embarrassed. At least once a week there was some sort of incident involving the Gardaí and although they were never anything but professional and polite about the situation she couldn’t help feeling ashamed. She would work even harder in their presence to appear “normal” just to prove that it wasn’t her fault, and that it wasn’t the entire family that was nuts. She wiped down the splashes of dried mud with a tissue.

Colm smiled at her sadly. “She was arrested, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth’s head shot up, now fully alert. “Why?” she asked in shock. They had never done that before. They had always given Saoirse a warning and then dropped her back to wherever she was staying. Unprofessional, she knew, but in such a small town where everyone knew everyone, they had always just kept their eye on Saoirse, stopping her before she did anything incredibly stupid. But Elizabeth feared Saoirse had been warned once too many.

Colm fidgeted with the navy blue Garda cap in his hands. “She was drunk driving, Elizabeth, in a stolen car, and she doesn’t even have a license.”

Hearing those words caused a shiver through Elizabeth’s body. Saoirse was a danger. Why did she keep protecting her sister? When would the words finally sink in with her? When would she learn to accept that they were right, that her sister would never be the angel she wished her to be?

“But the car wasn’t stolen,” Elizabeth stammered, “I told her that she c—”

“Don’t, Elizabeth.” Colm’s voice was firm.

She had to hold her hand across her mouth to stop herself. She took a deep breath and tried to regroup, tried to regain control. “She has to go to court?” Her voice was a whisper.

Colm looked down at the ground and moved a stone around with his foot. “Yes. It’s not just about her harming herself anymore. She’s a danger to others now.”

Elizabeth swallowed hard and nodded. “One more chance, Colm.” She gulped, feeling her pride disintegrating. “Just give her one more chance . . . please.” The last word pained her to have to say. Every bone in her body pleaded with him. Elizabeth never asked for help. “I’ll keep an eye on her, I promise she won’t be out of my sight for a minute. She’s going to get better, you know, she just needs time to work things out.” Elizabeth could feel her voice shaking. Her knees trembled as she begged on behalf of her sister.