Cecelia Ahern: If You Could See Me Now

“Luke, who’s Ivan?” Elizabeth asked, eyes darting around the room. “You know you can’t be bringing strangers home,” she said, worried.

“He’s my new friend,” Luke replied, zombie-like, not moving his eyes from the beefed-up wrestler body-slamming his opponent on the screen.

“You know I insist on meeting your friends first before you bring them home. Where is he?” she questioned, pushing open the door and stepping into Luke’s space. She hoped to god that this friend would be better than the last little terror, who had decided to draw a picture of his happy family in Magic Marker on her wall, which had since been painted over.

“Over there.” Luke nodded his head in the direction of the window, still not budging his eyes.

Elizabeth walked toward the window and looked out at the front garden. She crossed her arms. “Is he hiding?”

Luke pressed pause on his computer keypad and finally moved his eyes away from the two wrestlers on the screen. His face crinkled in confusion.

“He’s right there!” He pointed toward the beanbag at Elizabeth’s feet.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as she stared at the beanbag. “Where?”

“Right there,” he repeated.

Elizabeth blinked back at him. She raised her arms questioningly.

“Beside you, on the beanbag.” Luke’s voice became louder with his anxiety. He stared at the yellow corduroy beanbag with intensity, as though willing his friend to appear.

Elizabeth followed his gaze.

“See him?” He dropped the control pad and got quickly to his feet.

This was followed by a tense silence and Elizabeth could feel Luke’s hatred for her emanating from his body. She could tell what he was thinking: Why couldn’t she just see him, why couldn’t she just play along just this once, why couldn’t she ever pretend? She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked around the room to see if she really was missing his friend in some way. Nothing.

She leaned down to be on an even level with Luke and her knees cracked loudly in the silent room. “There’s no one else but you and me in this room,” she whispered softly. Somehow saying it quietly made it easier. Easier for herself or Luke, she didn’t know.

Luke’s cheeks flushed and his chest heaved faster. He stood in the center of the room, surrounded by computer keypad wires, with his little hands down by his sides, looking helpless. Elizabeth’s heart hammered in her chest. Please do not be like your mother, please do not be like your mother. She knew only too well how the world of fantasy could steal you away.

Finally Luke exploded and stared into space. “Ivan, say something to her!”

There was a silence as Luke looked into space and then giggled hysterically. He looked back at Elizabeth and his smile quickly faded when he noticed her lack of response. “Do you not see him?” he squealed nervously, then more angrily repeated, “Why don’t you see him?”

“OK, OK!” Elizabeth tried not to panic. She stood up back to her own level. A level where she had control. She couldn’t see him and her brain refused to let her pretend. She wanted to get out of the room quickly. She lifted her leg to step over the beanbag and stopped herself, instead choosing to walk around it. Once at the door, she glanced around one last time to see if she could spot the mystery Ivan. No sign.

Luke shrugged back into space, sat down, and continued playing his wrestling game.

“I’m putting some pizza on now, Luke.”

Silence. What else should she say? It was at moments like this she realized that reading all the parenting manuals in the world never helped. Good parenting came from the heart, was instinctive, and not for the first time she worried she was letting Luke down.

“It will be ready in twenty minutes,” she finished awkwardly.

“What?” Luke pressed pause and faced the window.

“I said it will be ready in twen—”

“No, not you,” Luke said, once again being sucked into the world of video games. “Ivan would like some too. He said pizza is his favorite.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth swallowed helplessly.

“With olives,” Luke continued.

“But Luke, you hate olives.”

“Yeah, but Ivan loves them. He says they’re his favorite.”

“Oh .. .”

“Thanks,” Luke said to his aunt, looked to the beanbag, gave the thumbs-up, smiled, then looked away again.

Elizabeth slowly backed out of the playroom. She realized she was still holding the phone to her chest. “Marie, are you still there?” She chewed on her nail and stared at the closed playroom door, wondering what to do.

“I thought you’d gone off to the moon as well,” Marie chuckled.

Marie mistook Elizabeth’s silence for anger and apologized quickly. “Anyway, you were right, Saoirse was headed to the moon but luckily she decided to stop off on the way to refuel. Refueling herself, more like. Your car was found blocking the main street with the engine still running and the driver’s door wide open. You’re lucky Paddy found it when he did before someone took off with it.”

“Let me guess, the car was outside the pub.” Elizabeth already knew the answer.

“Correct.” She paused. “Do you want to press charges?”

Elizabeth sighed, “No. Thanks, Marie.”

“Not a problem. We’ll have someone bring the car around to you.”

“What about Saoirse?” Elizabeth paced the hall. “Where is she?”

“We’ll just keep her here for a while, Elizabeth.”

“I’ll come get her,” Elizabeth said quickly.

“No,” Marie said firmly. “Let me get back to you about that. She needs to calm down before she goes anywhere yet.”

Inside the playroom, she heard Luke laughing and talking away to himself.

“Actually, Marie,” Elizabeth added with a weak smile, “while we’re on the phone, tell whoever’s bringing the car to bring a shrink with them. It seems Luke is imagining friends now.”

Inside the playroom, Ivan rolled his eyes and wiggled his body down further into the beanbag. He had heard her on the phone. Ever since he had started this job, parents had been calling him that and it was really beginning to bother him. There was nothing imaginary about him whatsoever.

They just couldn’t see him.

Chapter Two

It was a friday morning in June when I first became best friends with Luke. It was 9:15 a.m. to be precise and I happen to know exactly what time it was because I looked at my watch. I don’t know why I did, because I didn’t need to be anywhere by any specific time. But I believe there’s a reason for everything, so perhaps I checked my watch at that time just so I could tell you my story properly. Details are important in storytelling, aren’t they?

I was glad I met Luke that morning because I was a bit down after having to leave my old best friend Barry. Having to leave my best friends is all part of my job. It’s not a very nice part, but I believe in finding a positive side in everything, so the way I see it is, if I didn’t have to leave my best friends, then I wouldn’t be able to make new ones. And making new friends is my favorite part by far. That’s probably why I was offered the job.

We’ll get on to what my job is in just a moment, but first I want to tell you about the morning I first met my best friend Luke.

I closed the gate to Barry’s front garden behind me and I started walking with no particular direction in mind and eventually ended up beside a housing estate called Fuchsia Lane. It must have been called that because of the fuchsia growing all around the place. They grow wild here. Sorry, when I say “here” I mean a town called Baile na gCroíthe which is in County Kerry. That’s in Ireland.