Cecelia Ahern - If You Could See Me Now

Inventing imaginary men and dancing around fields at six thirty on a Sunday morning. Benjamin couldn’t help but laugh, and admire Elizabeth for her sense of fun and energetic embrace of life. She never seemed to be afraid of what anyone thought. As he continued down the winding road, his view of her became clearer. On Elizabeth’s face was a look of pure happiness. She seemed like a completely different woman.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Elizabeth felt giddy with delight as she drove back to town with Luke and Ivan. They had spent the past two hours chasing and catching what Ivan insisted she call Jinny Joes, then when they were tired and out of breath, they had collapsed in a heap in the long grass, breathing in the fresh, early morning sea air. Elizabeth couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so much. In fact, she didn’t think she had ever laughed so much in her life.

Ivan seemed to have so much boundless energy, with an appetite for all things new and exciting. Elizabeth hadn’t felt excited in a very long time. It wasn’t a feeling she associated with her adult life. She hadn’t felt the tingle of anticipation in her stomach since she was a child; she hadn’t looked forward to anything so much she felt she would burst if it didn’t happen right here, right now. But being with Ivan brought all those feelings back. Time went so fast when she was with him, whether they were leaping around fields or simply sitting in each other’s company in silence as they so often did. She always wished for time to slow down when she was with him and when he left her, she always felt she wanted more. She had caught many dandelion seeds that morning and among her many wishes had been the wish for their time spent together that day to be longer and for the wind to keep up so she could hold on to the moment with Luke as well.

She likened it to a childhood crush, such strong almost obsessive feelings, but more, it had depth. She felt attracted to everything about him, the way he talked, the way he dressed, the words he used, his apparent innocence. Yet he was filled with a deep knowledge of wise insights. He always said the right things, even when she didn’t want to hear them. The darkness lifted and she could suddenly see beyond. When he breezed into the room, he brought clarity and brightness with him. He was walking hope and she could tell that things for her could be ...not fantastic or wonderful or happily ever after, but that they could be OK. And that was enough for Elizabeth.

He filled her head every moment; she recounted their conversations over and over. She asked him question after question and he was always so open and honest in his answers. But then later while lying in bed, she would realize she knew no more about him than before, despite his replies to every question. Still, she sensed that they were very similar beings. Two solitary people blowing around in the breeze like dandelion seeds carrying each other’s wishes.

Of course she felt frightened by her feelings. Of course it went against the grain of her every belief, but as much as she tried, she couldn’t stop her heartbeat from quickening when his skin brushed against hers, she couldn’t stop herself from seeking him out when she wandered outside. She couldn’t prevent him from invading her thoughts. He was welcoming himself into her arms even when they weren’t open, he was dropping by her home uninvited, yet she couldn’t stop herself from holding out her arms and opening her door time and time again.

She was attracted to his presence, to how he made her feel, to his silences and his words. She was falling in love with him.

On Monday morning Elizabeth found herself walking into Joe’s with a spring in her step, humming the same song she’d been humming for the last week and couldn’t seem to get out of her head. It was eight thirty and the café was crowded with German tourists who had stopped for their breakfast before heading back to the confines of the coach, which would take hours before delivering them to the next town. The café was noisy with chatter. Joe was rushing around collecting plates and cups, bringing them to the kitchen and returning with plates full of Irish breakfasts that his wife had prepared.

Elizabeth signaled to him for a coffee and he quickly nodded his head in acknowledgment, having no time for gossip today. She looked around for a seat and her heart quickened at the sight of Ivan in the far corner of the room. She couldn’t control the smile that broke onto her face. She felt the excitement rushing around her body as she wound her way through the tables to get to him. Elizabeth was overwhelmed by the sight of him. There was definitely something in the air.

“Hello,” she breathed, noticing the change in her voice, and hating herself for it.

“Morning, Elizabeth.” He smiled. His voice was different too.

They both sensed it, sensed something and just stared at each other.

“Kept you a table.”

“Thanks.”

Smiles.

“Can I take a breakfast order?” Joe asked her, pen and pad in hand.

Elizabeth usually didn’t eat breakfast, but by the way Ivan was looking through the menu she thought she could just be a few minutes late to the office for a change.

“Can I’ve a second menu please, Joe?”

Joe glared at her. “Why do you want a second menu?”

“So I can read it,” she stated.

“What’s wrong with the one on the table?” he said moodily.

“OK, OK.” She backed off, leaning closer to Ivan to share the menu.

Joe eyed her suspiciously.

“I think I’ll have the Irish breakfast,” Ivan said, licking his lips.

“I’ll have the same,” Elizabeth said to Joe.

“The same as what?”

“The Irish breakfast.”

“OK, so one Irish breakfast and a coffee.”

“No.” Elizabeth’s forehead wrinkled. “ Two Irish breakfasts and two coffees.”

“Eatin’ for two, are ye?” Joe asked, looking her up and down.

“No!” Elizabeth exclaimed and turned around to Ivan with an apologetic look on her face when Joe had walked away. “Sorry about him, he acts oddly sometimes.”

Joe placed the two coffees on the table, eyed her suspiciously, and hurried off to serve another table.

“Busy in here today.” Elizabeth barely even looked away from him.

“Is it?” he asked, not moving his eyes from hers.

A tingle ran through Elizabeth’s body. “I like it when the town’s like this. It brings it to life. I don’t know what Ekam Eveileb is like but here, you get sick of seeing the same people all the time; tourists change the scenery, give you something to hide behind.”

“Why would you want to hide?”

“Ivan, the whole town knows about me. They practically know more about my family history than I do. During the summer, this town is like a big powerful tree, strong and visually beautiful.” She tried to explain. “But in winter, it’s robbed of its leaves, standing bare, with nothing to cover you or give you privacy. I always feel like I’m on display.”

“You don’t like living here?”

“It’s not that. It’s just, it needs some livening up sometimes, a real kick in the behind. I sit in here every morning and dream of pouring my coffee all over the streets, to give it the buzz it needs to waken the place up.”

“Well then, why don’t you?”

Elizabeth frowned. “What do you mean?”

Ivan stood up. “Elizabeth Egan, come with me and bring your coffee cup.”

“Bu—”

“No buts, just come.” With that, he walked out of the café.

She followed him in confusion, carrying her cup outside the door of the café.