Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

“Hiya,” she whispered.

“Oh hello, Holly, what are you doing here?” he said uneasily, as though she had caught him doing something naughty.

“I'm just waiting for a computer,” she explained. “I'm finally looking for a job,” she said proudly.

Even saying the words made her feel like less of a vegetable.

“Oh right.” He turned to face his computer and shut down the screen. “You can use this one so.”

“Oh no, you don't have to rush for me!” she said quickly.

“Not at all. I was just doing some research for work.” He stood up from his chair and made room for her to sit down.

“All the way over here?” she said, surprised. “Don't they have computers in Blackrock?” she joked. She wasn't quite sure what exactly it was that Richard did for a living, and it would seem rude to ask him after he'd worked there more than ten years. She knew it involved wearing a white coat, wandering around a lab and dropping colorful substances into test tubes. Holly and Jack had always said he was making a secret potion to rid the world of happiness. She felt bad now for ever saying that. While Holly couldn't imagine ever being truly close to Richard, and he would probably always drive her crazy, she was coming to realize he had his good qualities. Like giving her his space at the library computer, for one.

“My work brings me everywhere,” Richard joked awkwardly.

“Shush!” the librarian said loudly. Holly's audience once again looked up from their books. Oh, so now she was supposed to whisper, Holly thought angrily.

Richard said a quick good-bye, made his way over to pay at the desk and slipped quietly out of the room.

Holly sat down at the computer and the man beside her smiled strangely at her. She smiled back and glimpsed nosily at his computer screen. She looked away quickly and nearly gagged at the sight of the porn on his screen. He continued to stare at her with a scary smile on his face while Holly ignored him and became engrossed in her job-hunting.

Forty minutes later she shut down the computer happily, made her way to the librarian and placed her ten euro on the desk. The woman tapped away on the computer and ignored the money on the counter. “That's fifteen euro, please.”

Holly gulped as she looked down at her note, “But I thought you said it was five for twenty minutes.”

“Yes, that's right,” she smiled at her.

“But I was only online for forty minutes.”

“Actually, you were on for forty-four minutes, which cuts into the extra twenty minutes,” she said, consulting her computer.

Holly giggled, “But that's only a few minutes more. It's hardly worth five euro.”

The librarian just continued to smile back at her.

“So you expect me to pay?” Holly asked, surprised.

“Yes, that's the rate.”

Holly lowered her voice and moved her head closer to the woman. “Look, this is really embarrassing, but I actually only have the ten on me now. Is there any way I can come back with the rest later on today?”

The librarian shook her head. “I'm sorry, but we can't allow that. You need to pay the entire amount.”

“But I don't have the entire amount,” Holly protested.

The lady stared back blankly.

“Fine,” Holly huffed, taking out her mobile.

“Sorry, but you can't use that in here.” She pointed to the NO MOBILE PHONES sign on the counter.

Holly looked up slowly at her and counted to five in her head. “If you won't let me use my phone, well then I can't phone somebody for help. If I can't phone somebody, then they can't come down here to give me the money. If they don't come down here with the money, well then I can't pay you . So we have a little problem here, don't we?” she raised her voice.

The lady shuffled nervously from foot to foot.

“Can I go outside to use the phone?”

The lady thought about the dilemma. “Well, usually we don't allow people to leave the premises without paying, but I suppose I can make an exception.” She smiled and then added quickly,

“As long as you stand just in front of the entrance there.”

“Where you can see me?” Holly said sarcastically.

The lady nervously shuffled papers below the counter and pretended to go back to work.

Holly stood outside the door and thought about who to call. She couldn't call Denise and Sharon. Although they would probably rush home from work for her, she didn't want them to know about her failures in life now that they were both so blissfully happy. She couldn't call Ciara because she was on a day shift at Hogan's pub, and seeing as Holly already owed Daniel twenty euro, she didn't think it would be wise to call her sister away from work for the sake of five euro. Jack was back teaching at the school, Abbey was too, Declan was at college and Richard wasn't even an option.

Tears rolled down her face as she scrolled down through the list of names in her phone book.

The majority of people in her phone hadn't even called her since Gerry had died, which meant she had no other friends to call. She turned her back on the librarian so she wouldn't see that she was upset. What should she do? How embarrassing her situation was to actually have to call somebody to ask for five euro. It was even more humiliating that she had absolutely nobody to call. But she had to or the snotty librarian would probably call the police on her. She dialed the first number that came into her head.

“Hi, this is Gerry, please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Gerry,” Holly said crying, “I need you . . .”

Holly stood outside the door of the library and waited. The librarian kept a close watch on her just in case she ran off. Holly made a face at her and turned her back to her.

“Stupid bitch,” she growled.

Finally her mum's car pulled up outside and Holly tried to make herself appear as normal as she could. Watching her mother's happy face driving in and parking in the car park brought back memories. Her mum used to collect her from school every day when she was younger and she was always so relieved to see that familiar car come to rescue her after her hellish day in school.

Holly had always hated school, well, she had until she met Gerry. Then she would look forward to going to school each day so they could sit together and flirt down the back of the class.

Holly's eyes filled with tears again and Elizabeth rushed over to her and wrapped her arms around her baby. “Oh, my poor poor Holly, what happened, love?” she said, stroking her hair and casting evil glances in at the librarian as Holly explained the story.

“OK, love, why don't you wait out in the car and I'll go in and deal with her.” Holly did as she was told and sat in the car flicking through the radio stations as her mum confronted the school bully.

“Silly cow,” her mother grumbled as she climbed back into the car. She looked over at her daughter, who looked so lost. “Why don't we go home and we can relax?”

Holly smiled gratefully and a tear trickled down her face. Home. She liked the sound of that.

Holly snuggled up on the couch with her mum in Portmarnock. She felt like a teenager again.

She and her mum used to always cuddle up on the couch and fill each other in on all the gossip in their lives. She wished she could have the same giggling conversations with her now as she used to have then. Her mum broke into her thoughts, “I rang you last night at home, were you out?” She took a sip of her tea.

Oh, the wonders of the magical tea. The answer to all of life's little problems. You have a gossip and you make a cup of tea, you get fired from your job and you have a cup of tea, your husband tells you he has a brain tumor and you have a cup of tea . . .