Cecelia Ahern - P.S. I Love You

“Me too!” Denise's eyes widened. “Since when did people start going out so young?”

Sharon began to laugh. “Denise, the people aren't getting younger, we are getting older, I'm afraid.”

Denise thought about that for a while. “Well, it's not like we're old old, for God's sake. I mean, it's not exactly time for us to hang up our dancing shoes and grab our walking sticks. We could stay out all night if we wanted to, we just . . . are tired. We've had a long day . . . oh God, I do sound old.” Denise rambled on to herself as Sharon was too busy watching Holly, head down, kicking a stone along the path.

“Holly, are you OK? You haven't said a word in a while.” Sharon was concerned.

“Yeah, I was just thinking,” Holly said quietly, keeping her head down.

“Thinking about what?” Sharon asked softly.

Holly's head shot up. “Gerry.” She looked at the girls. “I was thinking about Gerry.”

“Let's go down to the beach,” Denise suggested, and they slipped out of their shoes and allowed their feet to sink into the cool sand.

The sky was clear black and a million little stars twinkled down on them; it was as if someone had thrown glitter up into a massive black net. The full moon rested itself low over the horizon, reflecting its beam and showing where the sea met the sky. The girls sat in its path along the shore. The musical water gently lapped before them, calming them, relaxing them. The air was warm but a small cool breeze brushed past Holly, causing her hair to tickle her skin. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and filled her lungs with fresh air.

“That's why he brought you here, you know,” Sharon said, watching her friend relaxing.

Holly's eyes remained closed and she smiled.

“You don't talk about him much, Holly,” Denise said casually, making designs with her finger in the sand.

Holly slowly opened her eyes. Her voice was quiet but warm and silky. “I know.”

Denise looked up from drawing circles in the sand. “Why not?”

Holly paused for a while and looked out to the black sea. “I don't know how to talk about him.”

She thought for a while. “I don't know whether to say 'Gerry was' or 'Gerry is.' I don't know whether to be sad or happy when I talk about him to other people. It's like if I'm happy when I talk about him, certain people judge and expect me to be crying my eyes out. When I'm upset when talking about him, it makes people feel uncomfortable.” She stared out to the black sea sparkling in the background and her voice was quieter when she spoke again. “I can't tease him in conversation like I used to because it feels wrong . I can't talk about things he told me in confidence because I don't want to give his secrets away, because they're his secrets. I just don't quite know how to remember him in conversation. It doesn't mean I don't remember him up here,” she tapped the side of her temples.

The three girls sat cross-legged on the soft sand.

“John and I talk about Gerry all the time.” Sharon looked at Holly with glittering eyes. “We talk about the times he made us laugh, which was a lot .” The girls laughed at the memory. “We even talk about the times we fought. Things we loved about him, things he did that really annoyed us.”

Holly raised her eyebrows.

Sharon continued, “Because to us, that's just how Gerry was. He wasn't all nice. We remember all of him, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.”

There was a long silence.

Denise was the first to speak. “I wish my Tom had known Gerry.” Her voice trembled a little.

Holly looked at her in surprise.

“Gerry was my friend too,” she said, tears pricking in her eyes. “And Tom didn't even know him at all. So I try to tell him things about Gerry all the time just so he knows that not long ago, one of the nicest men on this earth was my friend and I think everyone should have known him.”

Her lip wobbled and she bit down on it hard. “But I can't believe that someone I now love so much, who knows everything else about me, doesn't know a friend that I loved for ten years.”

A tear ran down Holly's cheek and she reached out to hug her friend. “Well then, Denise, we'll just have to keep telling Tom about him, won't we?”

They didn't bother meeting up with their holiday rep the next morning, as they had no intention of going on any tours or taking part in any silly sports tournaments. Instead, they got up early and took part in the sun bed dance, running around trying to throw their towels on the sun beds to reserve their positions for the day. Unfortunately, they still hadn't managed to get up early enough. (“Don't those bloody Germans ever sleep?” Sharon had given out.) Finally after Sharon had sneakily thrown a few towels away from some unattended beds, the girls managed to get three beds together.

Just as Holly found herself nodding off she heard piercing screams and a crowd ran by her. For some reason, Gary, one of the holiday reps, thought it would be a really funny idea to dress in drag and be chased around the swimming pool by Victoria. Everyone around the pool cheered them on as the girls rolled their eyes. Eventually Victoria caught Gary and they both managed to fall on top of each other into the swimming pool.

Everyone applauded.

Minutes later as Holly was taking a quiet swim a woman announced into a microphone attached to her head that she was going to begin aqua aerobics in the pool in five minutes. Victoria and Gary, helped by the Barbie Brigade, ran around all the sun beds dragging everyone up and forcing them to take part.

“Ah, would you ever fuck off!” Holly heard Sharon scream at one of the members of the Barbie Brigade as she tried to drag her into the pool. Holly was soon forced out of the pool by the approaching herd of hippopotami who were about to dive in for their aqua aerobics session.

They sat through an incredibly annoying half hour session of aerobics with the instructor yelling out the movements into the headpiece. When it was finally over they announced a water polo tournament was about to take place, so the girls immediately jumped up and headed over to the beach for some peace and quiet.

“You ever hear from Gerry's parents, Holly?” Sharon asked as she and Holly lounged on their inflatable rafts in the sea.

“Yeah, they send me postcards every few weeks telling me where they are and how they're getting on.”

“So they're still on that cruise?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you miss them?”

“To be honest, I don't really think they feel like they're part of me anymore. Their son's gone and they have no grandchildren, so I don't think they feel we have any connection anymore.”

“That's bullshit, Holly. You were married to their son and that makes you their daughter-in-law.

That's a very strong connection.”

“Oh, I don't know,” she sighed. “I just don't think that's enough for them.”

“They're a bit backward, aren't they?”

“Yeah, very . They hated me and Gerry 'living in sin' as they said. Couldn't wait for us to get married. And then they were even worse when we did! They couldn't understand why I wouldn't change my name.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Sharon said. “His mum gave me an earful at the wedding. She said it was the woman's duty to change her name as a sign of respect to her husband. Imagine that?

The cheek of her!”

Holly laughed.

“Ah well, you're better off without them being around anyway,” Sharon assured her.

“Hello girls.” Denise floated out to meet them.

“Hey, where have you been?” Holly asked.

“Oh, I was just chatting to some bloke from Miami. Really nice guy.”