Мариам Петросян - The Gray House

“And smokers were cut right out,” Ginger fumes. “Because, get this, he doesn't smoke! As if she couldn't just quit if it came to that.”

I still want to talk more about Mermaid, but can't work up the courage.

Blind wants to know when Rat is expected back from her foray into the Outsides. Rat is the House's principal Flyer, and he placed a large and expensive order with her. Ginger doesn't know when Rat will return. No one knows. Not even Rat herself. Black tries to find out where Rat sleeps when she's in the Outsides and generally how she manages to stay there for extended periods of time, but neither Ginger nor Fly can tell him anything about that because they, too, have no idea.

Ginger looks up to the ceiling.

“You used to have this wall with all those animals living on it,” she says out of the blue. “And you kept the door locked. And put snares behind it. Traps. Or so they said. I dreamed of that wall so often that at some point it became very important to see it for real. So I sneaked into your dorm through the window.”

“There are bars, and nothing to step on,” Noble whispers, not taking his burning eyes off her.

Ginger glances at him and chuckles.

“There were no bars back then, and there's this crumbly ledge along the wall. I followed it about halfway and got scared. I was stuck there for an eternity, unable to move. Until the seniors spotted me. It was horrible.”

“They picked you off,” I venture. “Fetched a stepladder and talked you down.”

“No. They stood below and watched. With interest. So I had to get going.”

“Yeah.” Humpback shudders. “They were good at that. Watching with interest, I mean. don't ask ...”

“Quiet!” I crawl closer, anticipating something very important to be revealed any second now. “Go on,” I urge Ginger. “So, what happened? You climbed in and ...”

“And there I was in your room,” Ginger says, half smiling, fiddling with the cigarette in her fingers. “At first I was just glad that I made it. That I was standing on a solid, dependable surface. Then I studied the wall. It turned out to be completely different from what I had imagined, but it was still so amazing. Like it was boundless, stretching out into infinity on both sides.” Ginger spreads her arms wide, demonstrating the vast expanse. “It's hard to explain. I didn't have much time, I knew you were going to be back soon, and I still had to make myself climb out of that window, travel along that horrible ledge, and slide down the drainpipe... I found this thick marker in the nightstand and drew a bird on the wall. It came out so ugly, so... insignificant. Spoiled the entire wall. It got me so depressed that I almost didn't notice how I crawled out. Cried myself to sleep that night.”

“And two days later you returned to paint it in,” Sphinx says. “To make it white. You signed it Jonathan . And then Jonathan started leaving us presents.”

“Oh god,” Humpback moans. “So Jonathan was you all along? And there we were, fiddling about with the traps and everything.”

“Now this , my friends,” I explain to my fingernails, “is what's commonly known as a shock to the system. When you suddenly find out what's behind an unsolved mystery. In the twilight of your years. The fastest way to a psychological trauma, I’ll have you know. You see, Black, we kept finding these ...”

“I get it,” Black interrupts me. “You don't need to spell it out.”

But he doesn't. Neither he, nor Noble and Alexander, nor Lary. The only ones who would get it are Vulture, Shuffle, Beauty, and Elephant. If we told them. But no one else.

Soft rustling. Humpback searches his pockets. Blind rummages in some hidden recesses as well. I unhook the earring. Our hands meet over the blanket. Humpback's palm cradles a small brass bell. Blind has a coin on a string. I'm holding the earring.

“To the foul-smelling pirate from Jo, the one flying across oceans,” I recite. “Except the note is long gone, of course.”

Ginger bites her lip.

“You've kept it! After all this time!”

“Those are gifts from Jonathan.” Sphinx laughs. “Treasure. If I'm not mistaken, Noble also inherited one. The seashell.”

Noble grasps at the shell, gripping it tightly. Looks almost obsessive doing it.

“Oh, and by the way,” I add. “Blind always ended up with the most gifts, for some reason. Some greedy people, such as myself, used to take offense.”

Ginger reddens. In her eyes I read a reproach, a plea to stop burrowing into the memories and a lot of other things that make my tongue freeze and my head receive belated insights concerning the real reasons certain people made an appearance in this room tonight.

“Interesting,” Black remarks, sipping his tepid tea and not looking at anyone in particular. “So Jonathan played favorites?”

Ginger blushes even deeper, but straightens up defiantly and shoots back, “He did. Still does. So?”

If I were Ginger I wouldn't be saying things like that, not under the heavy gaze of Noble's burning eyes. In fact, with him looking like that, which is inhumanly beautiful, I'd have probably lost the ability to speak altogether. But girls are mysterious creatures. If she thinks she likes Blind better, there's nothing anybody can do about it. After all, it's not for nothing Jonathan risked her life climbing the ledges and sneaking into other people's windows.

“I know this one solitaire,” Fly says, breaking up the awkward silence. “Dream a Little Dream, it's called. Almost never comes out, but if it does it means that your innermost desire will come true. Cool, huh?”

“Wicked,” I say. “Do it right now. I am full of innermost desires.”

Alexander passes the deck and pushes the cups out to the edge of the blanket. Fly begins dealing, stumbling through the rules. Ginger shivers and wraps the blanket tighter around herself, pulling in her bare feet.

“If you're cold, you can take my socks,” I say. “You can return them whenever. Next time you come here.”

She agrees and Alexander goes to the wardrobe to fetch the socks.

“How about my sweater?” Noble says plaintively. “It's really warm.”

“There,” Fly says, crestfallen, holding the last remaining card. “This always happens. didn't I say it never comes out right? I think it's designed that way, to keep you from getting bored.”

She turns to Noble.

“Can I have your sweater instead? I feel kinda cold too. Freezing, actually.”

Noble nods impassively.

“Sure.”

“What's your innermost desire?” I ask Fly. “The one that never comes out right?”

She waves the card at me.

“Get away! You can't say it, or it’ll never come true.”

Humpback and Lary yawn furtively. Ginger pulls on my socks.

“Nice place you have, guys,” Fly says. “But it's getting late. Anyone got the time?”

“Shhh!” everyone hisses, and Fly, startled, puts her hand over her mouth.

“What?” she mumbles into her palm. “What did I say?”

“That which you just mentioned should not be mentioned in front of Tabaqui,” Humpback says, shaking his head. “It really shouldn’t.”

“What was it I mentioned?” Fly whispers. “I don't remember.”

Humpback and Lary tap their wrists, miming nonexistent watches. Lary does it with a look of utter disgust on his face, probably channeling me. Now poor Fly's completely confused.

“What is it? Some kind of disease?” she asks.

This entire conversation, and especially the gestures accompanying it, do start to make me sick. Slightly. I do not appreciate my psychological peculiarities being put on display, and crawl farther under the bed. Then I put my hands over my ears. Now let them say whatever they want. By the way, a mere mention of a watch is never enough for me to fly off the handle, they're well aware of that. When I crawl back out they are already discussing something else, and getting ready to leave.