Николас Спаркс - The Choice

An hour later, seated on Travis’s deck with Molly and Moby lying at their feet, Travis finally gave in to the inevitable.

“What’s going to happen next?” he asked.

Gabby rotated the water glass in her hands. “I’m not sure,” she said in a low voice.

“Do you want me to talk to him?”

“It’s not that simple.” She shook her head. “I’ve been trying all day to figure it out, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to do, or even what I’m going to say to him.”

“You’re going to tell him about us, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I really don’t.” She turned to Travis, her eyes filled with tears. “Don’t get mad at me. Please don’t. Believe me when I say that I know how this makes you feel, because it makes me feel the same way. In the last few days, you’ve made me feel . . . alive. You make me feel beautiful and intelligent and wanted, and no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to tell you how much that’s meant to me. But as intense as all this has been, as much as I care about you, we’re not the same people, and you’re not facing the same kind of decision that I am. For you, it’s easy—we love each other, so we should be together. But Kevin is important to me, too.”

“What about all those things you said?” Travis asked, trying not to sound as scared as he felt.

“He’s not perfect, Travis. I know that. And no, things aren’t great between us right now. But I can’t help thinking that it’s partly my fault. Can’t you see that? With him, I have all these expectations, but with you . . . I don’t have any. And if you reversed the equation, would any of this have even happened? What if I had expected you to marry me, but with him, I just allowed myself to enjoy being in the moment? You wouldn’t have given me the time of day, and most likely I wouldn’t have wanted you to.”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Her smile was pained. “That’s what I was thinking about today, even though it hurts me to say it. I love you, Travis, I really do. If I thought of this as a weekend fling, I’d put it behind me now and then go back to imagining a future with Kevin. But it’s not going to be that easy. I have to make a choice between the two of you. With Kevin, I know what to expect. Or at least until you came along, I thought I did. But now . . .”

She paused, and Travis could see her hair moving slightly in the breeze. She hugged her arms tightly to her body.

“We’ve only known each other for a few days, and while we were on the boat, I found myself wondering how many other women you’d taken out like that. Not because I was jealous, but because I kept asking myself what brought those relationships to an end. And then I started wondering whether you would feel the same way about me in the future as you do right now, or whether this will just end up like all your previous relationships. As much as we think we know each other, we don’t. Or at least, I don’t. All I know is that I fell in love with you, and I’ve never been more frightened about anything in my entire life.”

She stopped. Travis stayed silent, letting her words penetrate before saying anything.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “Your choice is different from mine. But you’re wrong if you think this was just a fling for me. I might have started out thinking along those lines, but . . .” He reached for her hand. “That’s not how it ended up. Spending time with you showed me what I’ve been missing in my life. The more time we spent together, the more I could imagine it lasting in the future. That’s never happened to me before, and I’m not sure it’ll ever happen again. I’ve never been in love with anyone before you came along—not real love, anyway. Not like this, and I’d be a fool if I let you slip away without a fight.”

He ran a hand through his hair, drained.

“I don’t know what else I can tell you, other than that I can imagine spending the rest of my life with you. I know that sounds crazy. I know we’re just getting to know each other, and even admitting what I just did might make you think I’m nuts, but I’ve never been more sure about anything. And if you give me a chance—if you give us a chance—I’m going to live the rest of my life proving to you that you made the right decision. I love you, Gabby. And not just for the person you are, but for the way you make me think that we can be.”

For a long moment, neither of them said anything. In the darkness, Gabby could hear the crickets calling from the foliage. Her mind was whirling—she wanted to run away, and she wanted to stay here forever, her warring instincts a reflection of the impossible bind she’d gotten herself into.

“I like you, Travis,” she said earnestly. Then, realizing how it sounded, she struggled on. “And I love you, too, of course, but hopefully you already know that. I was just trying to tell you that I like the way you talk to me. I like the fact that when you say something, I know that you really mean it. I like the fact that I can tell when you’re teasing or telling the truth and when you’re not. It’s one of your more endearing qualities.” She patted his knee. “Now will you do something for me?”

“Of course,” he said.

“No matter what I ask?”

He hesitated. “Yeah . . . I guess.”

“Will you make love to me? And not think it might be the last time it ever happens?”

“That’s two things.”

She didn’t dignify his answer with a response. Instead, she held out her hand to him. As they moved toward the bedroom, she broke into the tiniest of smiles, finally knowing what she had to do.

Part Two

Fifteen

February 2007

Travis tried to shake free of those memories from nearly eleven years ago, wondering why they’d resurfaced with such clarity. Was it because he was now old enough to realize how unusual it was to fall in love so quickly? Or simply because he missed the intimacy of those days? He didn’t know.

Lately, it seemed he didn’t know a lot of things. There were people who claimed to have all the answers, or at least the answers to the big questions of life, but Travis had never believed them. There was something about the assurance with which they spoke or wrote that seemed self-justifying. But if there were one person who could answer any question, Travis’s question would be this: How far should a person go in the name of true love?

He could pose the question to a hundred people and get a hundred different answers. Most were obvious: A person should sacrifice, or accept, or forgive, or even fight if need be . . . the list went on and on. Still, even though he knew that all these answers were valid, none would help him now. Some things were beyond understanding. Thinking back, he recalled events he wished he could change, tears he wished had never been shed, time that could have been better spent, and frustrations he should have shrugged off. Life, it seemed, was full of regret, and he yearned to turn back the clock so he could live parts of his life over again. One thing was certain: He should have been a better husband. And as he considered the question of how far a person should go in the name of love, he knew what his answer would be. Sometimes it meant a person should lie.

And soon, he had to make his choice as to whether he would.

The fluorescent lights and white tile underscored the sterility of the hospital. Travis moved slowly down the corridor, certain that even though he’d spotted Gabby earlier, she hadn’t seen him. He hesitated, steeling himself to head over and talk to her. It was the reason he’d come, after all, but the vivid parade of memories earlier had drained him. He stopped, knowing a few more minutes to collect his thoughts wouldn’t make any difference.