Даниэла Стил - All That Glitters

“Your mother is a strong woman, she’ll be fine.” She had no doubt of that. “What about you? How are you?”

“I’m shocked. I never thought she’d do this. I know she’s been unhappy and depressed since the baby. But not to this extent. She told me a week ago she wants out. I wanted to tell you when I saw you.”

“Can you work out some kind of decent arrangement for the kids?” Coco asked him. They were still so young.

“We’re trying. I think the last baby put her over the edge. It almost did me in too. He’s colicky, he cries all the time. I suggested a nanny, not a divorce. She wants both.” He looked hurt and she felt sorry for him. “If you want to make it work, you can. She doesn’t want to. She just wants out. It will be complicated with four kids and her in law school, and I’m busy.”

“Just like that? With four kids? No warning? No negotiation?”

“Not that I know of. She says she warned me, but she didn’t. Or I didn’t hear it. I feel like such a failure.” He had tears in his eyes.

“It’s not you, Sam. She’s been a mouse since you met her. And now she turns into a lion.” Tamar was twenty-eight, and coming into her own. She suddenly wanted independence and freedom, and everything she’d missed.

“She wants me to have custody, and she’ll have visitation. So she’s walking out on the kids too.” Coco was floored and would never have seen it coming. Not Tamar. “The irony is that I felt like I was drowning for a long time. We started having babies so quickly, which was what she wanted, and our families expected of us. She’s so adamant about anything religious, and she’s never been interested in the world or the community until now. I almost had an affair two years ago, with a girl who worked for me. I fired her so I didn’t do anything stupid. And now Tamar wants out. I’m not happy either, but I’m not walking out on her, or complaining about her religious convictions. I don’t blame her that we got married. I got pushed into it by my parents, but I’ve lived up to my side of the deal. We have nothing in common, and nothing to talk about. I love my kids, but I’m always running between them and my work, and trying to keep her happy. She complains all the time. And my mother expects me to keep my father’s business alive to honor him. What he created is antiquated and should be shut down. It made sense when he set it up, but now it doesn’t. It supported all of us, but it was a different time and he was a different man. He thought small. He was always afraid to do anything big. I’m much more interested in the investment side of the business, not the accounting, which was our bread and butter, but it’s stale now. There’s no magic or creativity to it.” He was trapped between the world he grew up in, and what he wanted to do himself, grow wings and fly. And Tamar and his mother were holding him back. After burdening him with four children by the age of thirty, now she wanted out. It seemed so unfair. “At least you followed your dreams. I never have,” he said. “And what am I going to do as a divorced man with four kids?” He looked woebegone, and Coco touched his hand.

“You’ll manage and do it well.” He was the best husband she knew, the best father, son, and friend. He covered all the bases, and had for years, with no one’s help. He thought the same of her. They had both managed in hard circumstances, with no support from their partners. Even Ian, who was a kind man, was not there when she needed him. Once Bethanie got sick, he had run away and she had to face it alone. He was still hiding in Marrakesh with his books and his dog, afraid to live. At least she had taken chances, even if she made mistakes and got hurt. The wounds healed. And she knew Sam’s would too.

“I don’t understand people,” Sam said, “how when things get tough, they just walk away, instead of putting some effort into it.” Walking away wasn’t his style or hers. But Sam had a lot on his back now, especially if he had to shoulder Tamar’s responsibilities and his own. “Maybe she’ll come to her senses, but I don’t think so.”

“Even if she does,” Coco said bravely, honest with him as she always tried to be, “then you’re stuck in a marriage you never wanted, with a woman I’m not sure you ever loved. You said you loved her, but you married her out of duty and respect for your parents, and for her. You can’t stay with someone for fifty years out of respect.”

“My parents did,” he said.

“They loved each other too. My mother always said not to play by other people’s rules and to think outside the box. I took it too far, and tried to win the unwinnable with impossible people. I knew Ian was damaged, even though I didn’t realize how extreme it was. And the warning signs were there with Nigel, but I closed my eyes. I knew he wanted a glamorous life and had no money. I just didn’t see or didn’t want to see that he was after mine, and every piece of ass that walked past him. And I knew Ed was married. There are a million men like him out there, cheating on their wives. It’s the oldest story in the world.”

“You were young then,” Sam said with a forgiving smile.

“I still knew, but I can’t afford to be stupid anymore, or blind. You were right, I get dazzled every time. There’s no substance there. It’s all sparkle with nothing behind it. Even now, I just spent six months playing with a sweet boy fresh out of kindergarten. I need to get serious about my life too. I should sell my house here. It’s too big and it makes no sense. It used to remind me of Nigel, now it reminds me of Ian. I need something that’s mine. And my parents’ apartment is depressing. I have to let go of that too. Growing up is hard,” she said, and he smiled.

They had been leading grown-up lives for a long time and taken on adult responsibilities while they were still children. “I’m coming to New York for three months, by the way. We have a new investor, who wants to set up an office there. I’m going to get him started. Maybe I’ll put my parents’ apartment on the market when I’m there. I’d like to keep the house in the Hamptons though, and take Bethanie there in the summer. I guess I need to figure out my life too.” It felt like she was starting from scratch after Ian, the interlude with Jimmy in Paris, and Bethanie getting sick. She’d gotten her degree, now what? And she hadn’t been serious about her business either, from the distance in the past year. Fortunately, Leslie had been there to run it and did it well. “I’m almost thirty, I feel like I need to act like an adult.” He smiled again.

“You’ve had a lot of curveballs thrown at you,” he said generously. “Your parents dying, Bethanie’s leukemia, bad men. All things considered, you’ve handled it pretty well. And I am thirty, and my life is a mess.”

“That’s not your fault either. And it’s not a mess. You got married too young, and married the wrong woman. Maybe you need a little more flash in your life, and I need a little less…until the next dazzler comes along and sweeps me off my feet.” But they both knew she wasn’t an innocent anymore. She hadn’t fallen for Dr. Jeff Armstrong’s game, no matter how seductive, handsome, and successful he was. His being married had stopped her cold, and he was one of the biggest narcissists she’d ever met. He had cured Bethanie, though, which was all she wanted from him. Bethanie had been checked regularly by the team of doctors that he had referred her to in Paris, and she was still healthy and free of the disease. She was cured, which was all that mattered to Coco.

“I have a couple of interesting clients here, for investments,” Sam said. “I’d like to cultivate a few more. Right now, they are mostly Americans living here. If you know of any prospects here, please let me know.”