Эдвард Докс - Pravda ['Self Help' in the UK]

Masha sat down beside Isabella

It was obvious that Gabriel was angry from the instant he reappeared in the doorway. It was also clear that he did not wish to confront any one individual—and was feeling the weakness of this—and so he addressed the room at large, raising his voice to compensate.

“I can’t believe you lot. I can’t believe you were all smoking. I just can’t believe it. My friend is pregnant and you’re all sitting there smoking in her face.”

He remained for a moment on the threshold. But his self-consciousness as he stood there—sixteen, acne, too much wet-look gel in his hair, a face of aggrieved incredulity—his self-consciousness undermined the vehemence with which he spoke. Worse, he sensed this and felt compelled to raise the stakes.

“My God, you people are… are… bloody unbelievable.” He wanted to risk saying “fucking,” but something held him back; it felt like a cliché to do so on his sixteenth birthday. “I mean, at the very least you could have shown me some respect, even if you are too rude to give a toss about my friends.”

“Gabriel, please.” Masha returned to her tea, which, in contrast to Nicholas, or by way of obscure counterstrike, she prided herself on drinking when almost cold. “You sound like something off the television,” she added. “Sit down.”

“And asking her all those rancid questions and treating her like she is some kind of a freak. God, it’s disgusting. Just because she is an unmarried mother. Wake up, people, it happens.”

“Climb down off your cross for a few minutes, Gabriel, and have some more birthday cake.” This from Nicholas, who was actually smirking. “Seriously. Take a break. It must be agony up there all year. You can pop back up this evening. Don’t worry, we’ll get you some fresh nails.”

“Dad… just… just…” Gabriel held his hands to his ears and shook his head as though trying to rid himself of some terrible pain. “Just shut up.”

But as ever, Nicholas’s needle was exacting and precise as well as cruel. “It’s fairly obvious that the only person who thinks your friend is a freak, Gabriel, is you. You’d imagine she was about to give birth to some new child of Zeus the way you’re fidgeting around her. The rest of us couldn’t care less if she was married, crippled, half Kazakh, or half pig. Look at us—your mother is a romantic old Marxist, I’m a lazy anarchist, your sister is a spiky little revolutionary, and your grandfather won’t admit to anything. We don’t give a damn. For God’s sake, sit down. Have something to drink if you want. You are allowed.”

“You’re a bloody fascist,” Gabriel muttered.

Gabriel was in the mood to have an individual fight with his father now. And these could be truly horrific. And above all else, Isabella did not wish to jeopardize the evening. She could restrain herself no longer. It was the first time ever that she had asked: “Dad, now that Samantha is gone, can I have a cigarette? And can you give one to Gabriel too? If you haven’t guessed, we both smoke. And he’s got really bad withdrawal.”

Masha laughed out loud.

Max began to shake silently. “Now that is an interesting question.”

Even Zhanna’s face betrayed amusement.

Gabriel slumped back down, shooting his sister a dark look.

Isabella continued, a sarcastic smile hovering on her lips. “And don’t give us all the not-in-my-house crap, please, Dad, because it really is pointless. We can just go down to the shops and buy them and smoke them all over the rest of the world if we want. It’s legal. And you can’t seriously be worried about the damage to the curtains. It’s like a bloody diesel convention in here as it is.”

For once Nicholas did not know what to say.

Instead Masha spoke, her voice hesitant and kindly. “No, Is, no… not just because it’s this house; but because they are so bad for you and I don’t want to encourage it. I’d feel awful.”

“Hypocrisy reigns supreme.” This from Isabella with raised brows and a look, which invited her brother to join in.

As always, Gabriel accepted his sister’s olive branch and stepped back into the ring, though this time without real anger. “Apparently nine out of ten of the anarchists who were”—Gabriel made a sneering face—“on the barricades in Paris, on the barricades burning tires—nine out of ten anarchists are firmly against smoking.”

Though as precocious as brand-new sixth-formers (which is what they were), the twins were a fearsome team when they got going. Which also made Masha secretly proud. She was smiling.

It was Nicholas’s turn to shake his head. “Jesus, two minutes ago you were bawling at us to stop smoking. Now all you want to do is join in.”

“We learn our consistency off you, Dad,” Isabella said. “You are our beacon.”

But Gabriel was still sore with his father. “That was different,” he said. “We all have a choice.”

“Oh yes, sorry, I’d forgotten. The little baby Zeus.” Max cut in. “How about this?”

All eyes turned to him except Nicholas’s. Even when Grandpa Max moved his head, Isabella thought, it was as if something of incredible importance were happening.

Max let the silence hang in the air with his cigar smoke. “You are both allowed to have a cigarette—one of my special ones—if you agree to spend half an hour talking to your Grandpa Max while you have it. But”—he lowered his head while keeping his eyes on both the twins—“this is a one-off occasion, because it’s your birthday, and as such does not represent a precedent.”

Isabella had the sense that her grandfather had been enjoying the entire day for reasons that she could not work out. Less to do with what was being said, and more to do with some obscure and fragile agency between all the people in the room that he alone understood.

A few minutes later Masha left, taking with her the tea and her ferocious, convoluted demands on existence. Nicholas followed, bound for his study with his packet of cigarettes and a compact disk of harpsichord music that he had been carrying around with him all weekend, as if hoping someone somewhere would buy him a CD player. Max addressed Zhanna in Russian too fast for either twin to understand. She nodded and rose silently. Isabella watched her brother watching Zhanna as she walked. There was silence as the room realigned itself. The rest of the house retreated—their father’s step on the creaking stairs, the kitchen door closing downstairs on their mother’s incessant radio. And for a moment or two, now they were alone with him, Isabella experienced a strange feeling toward her grandfather: a feeling of closeness and yet a simultaneous feeling of the impossibility of closeness; calmness descending, decks clearing, silence, and yet still no clear sense of him as real, present; the calmness of a dense fog on a motionless sea. She wondered if her brother felt it too.

“Zhanna will bring us my very best cigarettes,” Max said, and his eyes told them both to relax, as if he could stretch half an hour into years if he wished, or shrink a year into a minute and still have twenty-nine left over.

Gabriel stopped the last of his sulk and sat back in the chair across the fireplace previously occupied by Sam. Isabella kicked off her shoes, folded her legs, and perched on the sofa, her fingers kneading at the thick socks on her feet.

Like the bluish smoke from his Cohiba Especiales (“Fidel’s favorite,” as their mother had explained three dozen times), all the stuff they both knew and half knew continued to wreath about him—the myths, truths, legends, told to them mostly by Masha, of Max’s life and work, of his membership in the Cambridge Apostles at university (“a serious secret society at a serious university, not this silly business you get now”). And all these stories that they knew and half knew, believed and half believed, mingled with all the other things that they had seen and half seen over their years: the endless winter-dark coldness between their father and their grandfather (Isabella had never once witnessed them alone together); the intense formality between Max and their mother (Gabriel could feel his mother recalibrating her tone even before she spoke to him, always of “the situation in Moscow,” and never in Russian); the time, when they were very little, he had left the dinner table to take a telephone call and then run, physically run, straight out of the house with the keys to their father’s car—Andropov dead, they learned the next day.