Ha Jin - A Free Life

Shubo suggested that Nan get a karaoke machine, which might attract more customers and make the Gold Wok a lively spot where a lot of people would gather in the evenings, especially those professionals who, after speaking English all day long at work, needed to unwind some in a Chinese-language environment. "To make this place popular, you need to put an accent on atmosphere," he said to Nan.

"I don't want to turn this place into bedlam. I'm afraid of crowds, you know." Nan smiled and refilled Shubo's teacup.

"Then how can you attract more business?"

"We have enough customers."

"If more people come, you'll make more money."

"God, you're such a party animal," Nan said in English. Seeing his friend flummoxed, he added, "Never heard that expression, huh? Write it down in your notebook-a party animal."

"You're an awful man."

Shubo knew many people in the Chinese community here, most of whom were lonely souls and would have come in and sung the old-time songs and opera snatches with which they had grown up. But Nan wouldn't buy a karaoke machine, because most of his clientele were Americans who might dislike a noisy Gold Wok. Besides, he hated noise. Once he had dined in a Taiwanese restaurant where some well-dressed college students sang so loudly that his ears kept buzzing the next morning and he never set foot in that place again. In addition, he was reluctant to rub shoulders with the Chinese professionals here, some of whom might look down on him. In Nan 's eyes they were just clever snobs, full of themselves. Once they began singing at this restaurant, they might want to drag on into the small hours. He couldn't possibly keep this place open that late for them. He joked with Shubo that if he promised to come every night, he, Nan, would install a karaoke machine. That was impossible, since two nights a week Shubo had to go to a part-time job in Atlanta. Later, Nan explained to his friend that he ought not to create more work at the moment so that Pingping wouldn't be stressed. Shubo smiled, saying to Nan, "You're a model husband."

Niyan said, "Yes, you must learn from Nan."

Knowing about Pingping's pregnancy, Janet often came to the Gold Wok to see her. She also talked a good deal about Hailee, who could walk now. But Janet was worried: the child was pale and flaccid, as if shrinking. Sometimes Hailee cried wheezily as if in pain. Although Dave didn't come to the Gold Wok as often, the Wus had seen him holding Hailee in the jewelry store or walking with her in the plaza, always leading her by the hand and taking short and slow steps. Besides asking Pingping questions about parenting, Janet seemed afraid Hailee would grow up lonely. She said to Pingping, "When your daughter's old enough, can you let her play with Hailee?"

"Don't be silly," said Pingping. "We're friends. So they will be friends too. But I'm afraid my baby not healthy."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know, I feel terrible these days."

"You'll be fine. Try to think positive. We all hear the patter of tiny feet."

Janet was puzzled when Pingping told her that Nan was eager to have a daughter, because she and Dave had thought Nan disliked babies, especially girls, which was why, they believed, he had refused to be Hailee's nominal father. Pingping couldn't explain Nan 's change either, but she felt it was probably because he was getting older and their life was relatively stable now.

DICK phoned one evening in May and said to Nan in a cracked voice, "The old man died." He sounded drunk and hoarse.

"Who's dead?" asked Nan.

"Sam."

"Reelly! When did it happen?"

"Yesterday afternoon he had a heart attack and died soon after they rushed him to the hospital. I'm going to New York tomorrow to attend his funeral."

"Yes, you should go. Tell Min Niu I'm sorry about Sam."

"I may not see Min. Oh, didn't I tell you he was no longer Sam's boyfriend?"

"No, you didn't tell me. What happened?"

"He left Sam a few months ago to marry a woman, but nobody knows his whereabouts exactly. I heard he was teaching at a college in Hong Kong."

"I can't believe zis."

Though surprised that Min Niu was a bisexual, Nan made no further comment. He told Dick to have a safe trip and not to grieve too much since Sam had passed away without much suffering. After he hung up, he couldn't help but wonder if Min Niu had used Sam without genuine love for the poet. Without Sam's sponsorship and paying his tuition, Min couldn't possibly have come to America. Then after Min had earned his M.A. from NYU, he left Sam to start the kind of life he had probably desired all along. Nan suspected that Min could be that kind of schemer.

Sam's death grieved Nan in a peculiar way. He hadn't known the poet well enough to feel very attached to him, but the loss saddened him nevertheless. Sam, who could have helped him in his writing, had left a small hole in Nan 's life. His passing made Nan feel more isolated. He couldn't stop wondering whether Sam had read his poems before he died. Perhaps not.

Dick returned on Monday, having to teach the next morning. He came to the Gold Wok for a late lunch on Wednesday afternoon. He didn't look grief-stricken. His gray eyes radiated a soft light, and he kept smiling mysteriously. Nan went on gazing at his animated face as Dick talked about how Sam, prior to his death, had planned to buy an apartment in Brooklyn for his stepson and how he had still dreamed of visiting Tibet. When Niyan brought over his order, Bang Bang Chicken, Dick said to Nan, "My book was taken by a New York press, thanks to Sam."

"Congratulations!" Nan was happy for him. "How did this happen?"

"Sam called the president of Four Continents and sent him my manuscript personally. After reading it, the publisher told Sam he would print it. Now that Sam is dead, he's all the more eager to honor his word."

"A good deed. Sam gave you a big hand."

"It's a miracle. Four Continents runs a better poetry series than my former press."

"See, I said you would find a publisher soon. Now you won't have any problem wiz your pretenure review."

"Right."

Chewing a piece of chicken, Dick changed the subject and began talking about Bao Yuan, who had also attended Sam's funeral. Nan was excited to know that Bao was quite a success in the art world, having sold many of his paintings. Dick said with a grin, "He told me that he has a fiancee in China."

"He's engaged?"

"Yes, he went back for the engagement two months ago. He was very happy and invited you and me to visit his studio." "Did zer Chinese gahvernment let him go back?" "Obviously they did. I don't know how he worked that out." "So he remembered me?" "Yes, very fondly. He said you were brilliant."

"You're jahst pulling my leg." Nan laughed with some bitterness that misshaped his face into a sad expression, as if he had a sudden pain in his chest. He added, "A brilliant cook, maybe. Jahst now you said he has a studio-where's zat?"

"On a mountain in Tennessee."

"So he's a professional now?"

"Yes, and quite rich. His paintings are selling well."

Dick relayed that Bao had moved to Tennessee half a year before and begun teaching a small group of local amateur painters. One of them was a wealthy lawyer who owned a piece of land on the mountain, so the man had a studio built there for his teacher. Also, this way his fellow students could have a place to stay when they gathered to take lessons from Bao. Dick's explanation piqued Nan 's curiosity. Never had he thought Bao, formerly a mere sponger, would make it in America. Perhaps that fellow had changed; perhaps he had become a diligent artist.

Nan and Dick decided to visit Bao together. The Gold Wok didn't open until noon on Sundays, and there wouldn't be many customers until late in the afternoon. So Nan asked Shubo to stand in for him so that he could go to Tennessee with Dick the next weekend.