Ha Jin - A Free Life

Nan was happy whenever Dick came. He admired his carefree manner, his devotion to poetry, and his seriousness about meditation. But Nan wouldn't try to write in English as Dick had advised, mainly because he was exhausted by his daily work, unable to gather his strength for such an endeavor. He was still unnerved by the lingering impact of the recession, which had lately forced another shop at the plaza out of business. The past summer his restaurant had made only $1,000 a month, and the Wus had had to withdraw money from their savings account to pay bills. Tammie had made much less than before too and complained a lot. Nan encouraged her to look for a more lucrative job elsewhere if she wanted, but she said things would come around, and she stayed. For that he was grateful. Although more people came to eat after the summer, the business wasn't as good as it should have been. Pingping had asked Janet to let her make more necklaces and earrings, but the jewelry store was faltering too and couldn't stock more inventory at the moment. What disconcerted the Wus most was that if someday they couldn't come up with $1,000 for Mr. Wolfe at the end of a month, they might lose their home. The fear made them more determined to pay off the mortgage as early as possible. After that, even if their restaurant didn't make enough, they could still have their home intact and manage to tide themselves over. Nan regretted having mailed Mr. Wolfe $1,500 a month for half a year. From now on he would send him exactly $1,000 each month and deposit more money in the bank. Once they saved enough cash, they would clear the mortgage with a lump sum. This way he could always have some savings for a rainy day.

Whenever Dick was around, Tammie was noticeably excited. She seemed very fond of him. Usually she was reticent, but with Dick she'd become voluble, explaining to him how the dishes were made and plying him with questions about his family, his students, and his writing. Dick would take the opportunity to learn some Chinese words from her. He'd laugh casually even though he was aware of her glad eyes. Seeing the change in Tammie, Pingping would shake her head, believing the waitress was too easily smitten with that man. But she didn't know how to broach the subject with Tammie, who sometimes still avoided speaking to her.

After Dick left, Tammie would ask Nan questions about that red-faced man. How did they meet? Where did his folks live? Had he had a lot of friends in New York? Had he always been so funny and upbeat? Wasn't it amazing that he had already become a big professor and published two books even though he couldn't be older than thirty-five?

Nan felt for Tammie, knowing what it was like when you fell for somebody, which often made you silly and act out of character. Love could be an addiction, if not a sickness. Nan and Pingping talked between themselves about Tammie's infatuation and knew the poor woman might get hurt. So one day Nan told her bluntly, "Actually Dick is gay."

"You mean, he doesn't like women?" She looked at him in disbelief, her large eyes glittering.

"Yes. I saw him wiz some men in New York. Most of his friends were gay."

"That's awful!"

"I'm afraid he may catch diseases if he isn't careful wiz too many boyfriends."

"He looks very healthy, though."

"Yes, I was just sinking aloud. He knows how to protect himself. Don't make too much of what I said."

For the rest of the day Tammie looked absentminded and remained quiet. Nan felt sorry for her, but it was better to stop her from daydreaming before she got hurt. Afterward, when Dick showed up, Tammie was no longer as vivacious as before.

"MOM, can you drive me to school tomorrow morning?" asked Taotao one afternoon the moment he stepped into the restaurant, carrying his heavy book bag on his back. Today he should have gotten off at Marsh Drive and stayed home, doing his homework.

"Why can't you take the bus?" his mother said.

"I don't want to."

"How come?"

"I don't like the bus anymore."

His parents knew there must be some reason he wouldn't say, so they demanded that he be forthcoming about it. Pressed time and again, Taotao confessed that he was afraid of two boys, Sean and Matt, who would twist his ears and pull his nose whenever they saw him on the school bus.

"Why do they do that?" asked his father.

"They're just assholes and won't stop bugging others."

"Then why not ignore them?"

"No," his mother interrupted. "He can't let others bully him like that."

"Mom, they do it to everyone." "Then why aren't the others scared?" "I'm new here."

"That's not an excuse. You have taken that bus for more than a year. I won't drive you, and you must help yourself."

The boy looked crushed, his mouth compressed and his eyes brimming with tears. His father told him, "You have to fight back by yourself."

His mother went on, "Do you want me to go with you on the bus tomorrow? I'll question the squirts and find out why they keep picking on you."

"No, Mom! I don't want you to do that. You'll make me look like a crybaby. "

"Then you'll have to confront them by yourself. From tomorrow on, when they pull your ears, you do the same to them."

"But you mustn't fight with them," added his father. "Just show them that you're not afraid. Understood?"

The boy didn't reply and began sniveling. Tammie came over, patted Pingping's upper arm, and pointed at two customers waiting at the counter. Pingping went up to them while Nan returned to the kitchen to cook the takeout they ordered.

Tammie stroked the boy's hair. "What's wrong, Taotao?" she asked.

"Everybody's so mean to me."

"Your parents just want to help you. Your mommy teaches you every day. Whose mommy does that? Come, be a big boy and stop crying."

Taotao made no reply. Tammie had overheard their exchange just now, so she went on, "You should listen to your parents. If you're afraid of those hoodlums, they'll bully you without a stop."

The next morning, on the school bus, Sean, whose father had just walked out on his mother, sat next to Taotao. Sean elbowed him whenever the bus turned, then flashed a grin fortified by a mouthful of braces, but Taotao ignored him and kept looking at his own new Velcro sneakers his mother had just bought for him at a rummage sale. Then Sean grabbed hold of Taotao's earlobe and twisted it. "Cute little thing," he said, pulling hard.

"Knock it off!" Taotao gave him a shove in the chest.

"Have a problem, munchkin?" Sean pushed him back and again cracked a metallic grin.

At that word Taotao was suddenly possessed by a fit of rage. "Don't call me that!" He punched Sean squarely in the cheek.

"Ow! You smashed my face, man! You made my gums bleed." Sean bent over and muffled his voice with his palm, and bloody saliva was oozing out between his fingers.

Matt, a red-haired fifth grader, jumped in, "Taotao, you crazy jerk! He was just having a bit of fun with you." "I've had enough of his shit!"

In fact, Taotao hadn't hit Sean that hard, but the braces had stabbed his cheek from inside and made it bleed. At the sight of the bloody drool, Taotao shivered, his heart kicking.

Mrs. Dunton stopped the bus and came over. "You did this to him?" she asked Taotao in a severe voice, her lipless mouth displaying her tiny teeth.

"He twisted my ears every day. Just now he called me names."

"I just said 'munchkin,' " Sean wailed, sniffing back some snot.

"But you pulled my ear."

Indeed, Taotao's earlobe was still red. Knowing Sean was a troublemaker, Mrs. Dunton just fished out a piece of tissue and handed it to him. "Here, wipe your face. You two will have a lot of explaining to do in the principal's office."

Taotao was criticized by the vice principal, the bearded Mr. Haber-man, who also wrote a letter to his parents, urging them to talk to their son and take steps to stop this kind of violence. Nan was disturbed and promptly wrote back to apologize and assure the school that Taotao wouldn't commit such an act again. He also agreed to let the boy meet with Mrs. Benson, a counselor at school, whom Sean must see as well. Nan blamed Pingping for encouraging their son to fight, but she wouldn't listen to him, saying, "I'm already a frightened mouse in this country. We don't need another wimp in our family. I'd rather disown him than have him intimidated by those little bullies."