Айрис Мердок - The Nice and the Good

Yours faithfully,

A Well-Wisher

Trembling violently Jessica fumbled with the other envelope and plucked the letter out of it. The letter read thus: Trescombe House Trescombe Dorset Oh my darling John, how I miss you, it seems an age till our lovely week-end arrives. I hate to think of you all lonely in London, but it won't be long until we are reunited. You are my property, you know, and I have a strong sense of property! I shall assert my rights! Don't be long away from me, my sweet, haste the day and the hour. Oh how heavenly it is, John, to be able to speak love to you, and to know that you feel as I do! Love, love, love, Your Kate P. S. Willy Kost sends regards and hopes to see you too.

Jessica sat down on the floor and concentrated her attention upon not dying. She felt no impulse to weep or scream, but it was as if her flesh were being dragged apart. Shock was more evident than pain, or perhaps pain was so extreme that it had brought her to the brink of unconsciousness. She sat quite still for about five minutes with her eyes closed and every muscle contracted to keep herself in a single piece. Then she opened her eyes and read the letter again and examined the envelope.

There was of bourse not the slightest doubt that this was a letter to John from his mistress. Quite apart from the tone of the letter, the reference to the significantly underlined week-end put this beyond question. They seemed to be on very happy, indeed ecstatic, terms. It was not the letter of a woman who was uncertain whether she was loved. The letter moreover had been written less than three weeks ago. The date on the envelope showed clearly and the letter itself was dated with day, month and year. So at this very recent time the affair had been for some while in existence, was in full swing. This then meant that John had lied to her.

Jessica got up from the floor. She went to the drawer which contained all the letters which John had ever sent her, and took out the postcard which lay on the top.

Forgive this in haste, I am most terribly busy in the office with various rather preoccupying matters. I am sorry not to have written. Could we meet on Monday, not of next week but of the week following? I shall look forward to that. If I don't hear otherwise I'll come to your place at seven. Very good wishes.. Various rather preoccupying matters, thought Jessica. Come to your place. How differently it read now. Of course she was not to visit him, she was never to visit him. Busy with his marvellous love affair he had coldly calculated what was the longest he could put her off for, what was the most he could make her put up with, without arousing suspicion. Monday, not of next week but of the week following. How carefully it was put so as to make a shabby offer sound less shabby. No doubt he would be just back from one of those lovely weekends. And he would look into her eyes, as he had done on the last occasion, and tell her in that grave sincere voice that he had no mistress.

Jessica began to walk up and down again, but very much more slowly. She debated, but very slowly, an impulse to lift the telephone at once and ring John's office. She debated it slowly because she knew that it was not urgent since she would certainly not do it, and because she knew that something else, and something very important, was happening inside her. It must be given time to happen properly, to gain authority over her. So John, the conscientious puritanical John, the just and righteous John, the John-God, had coldly lied to her. She was –not an object of concern to him at all, she was a person to be manipulated and deceived and put off the scent. She was perhaps, and this thought made Jessica pause for a moment in her slow perambulation, a positive danger to him, a danger to his new-found happiness, a nasty relic, a false note. I hate to think of you all lonely in London. Of course John would not have told the lovely lady about his obligations to poor Jessica. That would spoil things, that would never do. John had lied to the lovely lady as well.

Jessica said to herself aloud, 'It is all over now with John.

It is the end.' She paused again to watch herself. Still no screams, no tears, no tendency to fall down in a faint. There was a line of hardness in her, a rigid steely upright as thin as a wire but very strong. She was not going to die after all for John Ducane. She was his superior now. She knew, and he did not know she knew. She sat down on the bed. She felt very tired as if she had been for a long walk. She had been walking for days up and down her room, thinking about John, waiting for him to write, waiting for him to telephone. And all this time… Jessica settled two cushions behind her and sat upright and comfortable upon the bed. She fell now into a total immobility, she sat like an idol, like a sphinx. Her eyes scarcely blinked, her breathing seemed suspended, it was as if the life had been withdrawn from her leaving an effigy of wax. An hour passed.

Jessica moved and it was evening. She went to the window and looked out. A Siamese cat was walking slowly along the top of the railings. A West Indian newspaper boy was delivering the evening papers. A student was polishing his very old car. Two dogs who had just met were wagging their tails.

She turned away from the window and went to the mirror and said to her image softly several times 'Jessica, Jessica…'

Then she turned back to the table and took up the letter again, but this time it was to scrutinize only the P. S. Willy Kost.

'I was wondering when you'd turn up,' murmured Ducane. Richard Biranne was standing in Ducane's drawing-room and had not yet taken the chair to which Ducane had invited him. Ducane was seated beside the empty fireplace. The lamps were lit and the curtains were drawn upon a dark blue evening. The room smelt of summer dust and roses.

Biranne stood fingering the edge of the mantelpiece, swaying his body restlessly and twitching his shoulders. His long head was thrown back and averted and his narrow blue eyes glanced quickly at Ducane, surveyed the room, and almost coquettishly glanced again. A lamp was behind him, shadowing his face and lighting up his fuzzy crest of fair hair. He had arrived on Ducane's doorstep unannounced two minutes ago.

'Well?' said Ducane. He had adopted a cold almost lethargic composure to conceal his extreme satisfaction, indeed exhilaration, at Biranne's arrival.

The inspection with McGrath of Radeechy's 'chapel' had finally satisfied Ducane that Radeechy was, as far as the 'security aspect' was concerned, innocuous. He was certain that the necromantic activities were not a front. There was sincerity, there was evident faith, in Radeechy's pathetic arrangements; and if Radeechy had been up to anything else he would scarcely have risked attracting attention by nocturnal visits with girls. The suicide itself remained unexplained. But the glimpse of the chapel had been enough to persuade Ducane that such a man might well have suicidal prompting. What had come to Ducane in the course of that candle-lit occasion was an intimation of the reality with which Radeechy had been meddling: Of course Ducane did not believe in 'spirits'. But what-had gone on in that room, upon that altar, when the blood of the pigeons dripped down on to the black mattress, was not childish mumming. It was a positive and effective meddling with the human mind. Ducane could not get the smell of it out of his nostrils, and he knew that McGrath was right to say that it was not only the smell of decomposing birds. Radeechy had discovered and had made to materialize about him a certain dreariness of evil, a minor evil no doubt, but his success might very well have set him on the road to suicide.