Nora Roberts - Sacred Sins

He was already in and shrugging his six-foot lineman’s frame out of his coat. He was seventy-two, Tess thought as she glanced at the wild mane of white hair and leathered face. Seventy-two and he had more energy than the men she dated. And certainly more interest. Maybe the reason she was still single and content to be so was because she had such high standards in men. She poured him three fingers of scotch.

He looked over at the desk piled with papers and folders and notes. That was his Tess, he thought as he took the glass from her. Always one to dig in her heels and get the job done. He didn’t miss the half-eaten sandwich either. That was also his Tess. “So.” He tossed back scotch. “What do you know about this maniac we’ve got on our hands?”

“Senator.” Tess used her most professional voice as she sat on the arm of a chair. “You know I can’t discuss this with you.”

“Bullshit. I got you the job.”

“For which I’m not going to thank you.”

He gave her one of his steely looks. Veteran politicians had been known to cringe from it. “I’ll get it from the mayor anyway.”

Instead of cringing, Tess offered her sweetest smile. “From the mayor, then.”

“Damn ethics,” he muttered.

“You taught them to me.”

He grunted, pleased with her. “What about Captain Harris? An opinion.”

She sat a moment, brooding as she did when gathering her thoughts. “Competent, controlled. He’s angry and frustrated and under a great deal of pressure, but he manages to keep it all on a leash.”

“What about the detectives in charge of the case?”

“Paris and Jackson.” She ran the tip of her tongue along her teeth. “They struck me as an unusual pair, yet very much a pair. Jackson looks like a mountain man. He asked typical questions, but he listens very well. He strikes me as the methodical type. Paris…” She hesitated, not as sure of her ground. “He’s restless, and I think more volatile. Intelligent, but more instinctive than methodical. Or maybe more emotional.” She thought of justice, and a sword.

“Are they competent?”

“I don’t know how to judge that, Grandpa. If I went on impression, I’d say they’re dedicated. But even that’s only an impression.”

“The mayor has a great deal of faith in them.” He downed the rest of his scotch. “And in you.”

She focused on him again, eyes grave. “I don’t know if it’s warranted. This man’s very disturbed, Grandpa. Dangerous. I may be able to give them a sketch of his mind, his emotional pattern, but that isn’t going to stop him. Guessing games.” Rising, she stuck her hands in her pockets. “It’s all just a guessing game.”

“It’s always just a guessing game, Tess. You know there are no guarantees, no absolutes.”

She knew, but she didn’t like it. She never had. “He needs help, Grandpa. He’s screaming for it, but no one can hear him.”

He put a hand under his chin. “He’s not your patient, Tess.”

“No, but I’m involved.” When she saw the frown crease his brow, she changed her tone. “Don’t start worrying, I’m not going to go overboard.”

“You told me that once about a box full of kittens. They ended up costing me more than a good suit.”

She kissed his cheek again, then picked up his coat. “And you loved every one of them. Now I’ve got work to do.”

“Kicking me out?”

“Just helping you with your coat,” she corrected. “Good night, Grandpa.”

“Behave yourself, little girl.”

She closed the door on him, remembering he’d been telling her the same thing since she was five.

The church was dark and empty, but it hadn’t been difficult for him to deal with the lock. Nor did he feel he’d sinned in doing so. Churches weren’t meant to be locked. God’s house was meant to be open for the needy, for the troubled, for the reverent.

He lit the candles, four of them-one for each of the women he’d saved, and the last for the woman he hadn’t been able to save.

Dropping to his knees, he prayed, and his prayers were desperate. Sometimes, only sometimes, when he thought of the mission, he doubted. A life was sacred. He’d taken three and knew the world looked on him as a monster. If those he worked with knew, they’d scorn him, put him in prison, detest him. Pity him.

But flesh was transient. A life was only sacred because of the soul. It was the soul he saved. The soul he must continue to save until he’d balanced the scales. Doubting, he knew, was a sin in itself.

If only he had someone to talk to. If only there were someone to understand, to give him comfort. A wave of despair washed over him, hot and thick. Giving in would have been a relief. There was no one, no one he could trust. No one to share this burden. When the Voice was silent, he was so alone.

He’d lost Laura. Laura had lost herself and taken pieces of him with her. The best pieces. Sometimes, when it was dark, when it was quiet, he could see her. She never laughed anymore. Her face was so pale, so full of pain. Lighting candles in empty churches would never wipe away the pain. Or the sin.

She was in the dark, waiting. When his mission was complete, only then would she be free.

The smell of votive candles burning, the hushed silence of church, and the silhouettes of statues soothed him. Here he might find hope and a place. He’d always found such comfort in the symbols of religion, and the boundaries.

Lowering his head to the rail, he prayed more fervently. As he’d been taught, he prayed for the grace to accept whatever trials were ahead of him.

When he rose, the candlelight flickered over the white collar at his throat. He blew them out, and it was dark again.

Washington traffic could tear at the nerves- especially when you’d woken up sluggish, primed yourself with coffee, then handled back-to-back appointments. Tess inched along behind a Pinto with a faulty exhaust, and simmered through another red light. Beside her a man in a big blue GMC revved his engine. It disappointed him when she didn’t bother to glance over.

She was worried about Joey Higgins. Two months of therapy and she wasn’t any closer to the real problem, or more accurately, the real answer. A fourteen-year-old boy shouldn’t be clinically depressed, but out playing third base. Today she’d felt he’d been on the verge of really opening up to her. On the verge, Tess thought with a sigh. But he hadn’t yet crossed the line. Building his confidence, his self-esteem, was like building the pyramids. Step by agonizing step. If she could just get to the point where she had his full trust…

She fought her way across town while concern for a sullen young boy with bitterness in his eyes weighed on her. There were so many other things. Too many other things.

Tess knew she didn’t have to sacrifice her lunch hour and hand deliver the profile to Captain Harris. She had been under no obligation to work on it until two A.M. either, but found it impossible not to.

Something pushed at her-instinct, hunch, superstition, she couldn’t have said which. All she knew was that she was involved with the faceless killer as deeply as with any of her patients. The police needed whatever assistance she could give to help them understand him, and needed to understand him in order to catch him. He had to be caught so he could be helped.

As she pulled into the station’s lot she took a quick scan. No Mustang. But then, she reminded herself as she stepped out of her car, that wasn’t why she’d come. Then again, she wasn’t sure why she’d agreed to go out with Ben Paris, since she considered him arrogant and difficult, and her workload was jamming up with the extra time she was taking on the homicides. She knew if she put in a couple of hours that evening, she could have things running fairly smoothly again. Several times that day she had thought about phoning him and begging off.