Nora Roberts - Sacred Sins

“Yeah, I remember.” He dropped his arm and turned on her. “I was playing craps and you came down and started bitching at me.”

“You’d lost twenty-five bucks.”

“I’d‘ve won it back, and twice that much, if you’d left me be.”

“You stole the money out of my purse.”

“Borrowed it, you cunt. Borrowed it.”

Ben jerked his head toward the door as the argument heated up. “Let’s get out of here.”

As the door closed behind him they heard a crash over the screaming.

“Think we should break it up?”

Ben looked back at the door. “What, and spoil their fun?” Something solid and breakable hit the door and shattered. “Let’s go get a drink.”

“Mr. monroe, I appreciate you coming by to talk with me.” Tess greeted Joey Higgins’s stepfather at the door to her office. “My secretary’s gone for the day, but I can fix us some coffee if you like.”

“Not for me.” He stood, uncomfortable as always in her presence, and waited for her to make the first move.

“I realize you’ve already put in a full day,” she began, not adding she’d put in one of her own.

“I don’t mind the extra time if it helps Joey.”

“I know.” She smiled, gesturing him to a chair. “I haven’t had many opportunities to speak to you privately, Mr. Monroe, but I want to tell you that I can see how hard you’re trying with Joey.”

“It isn’t easy.” He folded his overcoat on his lap. He was a tidy man, organized by nature. His fingers were neatly manicured, his hair combed into place, his suit dark and conservative. Tess thought she understood how inscrutable he would find a boy like Joey.

“It’s harder on Lois, of course.”

“Is it?” Tess sat behind her desk, knowing the distance and the impersonal position would make it easier for him. “Mr. Monroe, coming into a family after a divorce and trying to be a father figure to a teenage boy is difficult under any circumstances. When the boy is as troubled as Joey, the difficulties are vastly multiplied.”

“I’d hoped by now, well…” He lifted his hands, then laid them flat again. “I’d hoped we could do things together, ball games. I even bought a tent, though I have to admit I don’t know the first thing about camping. But he’s not interested.”

“Doesn’t feel he can allow himself to be interested,” Tess corrected. “Mr. Monroe, Joey has linked himself with his father to a very unhealthy degree. His father’s failures are his failures, his father’s problems his problems.”

“The bastard doesn’t even-” He cut himself off. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I know it appears that Joey’s rather doesn’t care, or can’t be bothered. It stems from his illness, but that isn’t what I wanted to speak with you about. Mr. Monroe, you know I’ve tried to discuss intensifying Joey’s treatment. The clinic I mentioned in Alexandria specializes in emotional illness in adolescents.”

“Lois won’t hear of it.” As far as Monroe was concerned, it ended there. “She feels, and I have to agree, that Joey would think we’d abandoned him.”

“The transition would be difficult, there’s no denying that. It would have to be handled by all of us in such a way that Joey understands he isn’t being punished or sent away, but offered another chance. Mr. Monroe, I have to be candid with you. Joey is not responding to treatment.”

“He’s not drinking?”

“No, he’s not drinking.” How could she convince him that the alleviation of one symptom was far from a cure? She’d already seen in their family therapy sessions that Monroe was a man who saw results much more clearly than he saw causes. “Mr. Monroe, Joey is an alcoholic, will always be an alcoholic whether he drinks or not. He’s one of twenty-eight million children of alcoholics in this country. One third of them become alcoholics themselves, as Joey has.”

“But he’s not drinking,” Monroe persisted.

“No, he’s not.” She linked her fingers, laid them on the blotter, and tried again. “He is not consuming alcohol, he’s not altering his reality with alcohol, but he has yet to deal with his dependency, and more importantly, the reasons for it. He is not getting drunk, Mr. Monroe, but the alcohol was a cover-up and an offshoot of other problems. He can’t control or blanket those problems with liquor anymore, and now they’re overwhelming him. He shows no anger, Mr. Monroe, no rage, and very little grief, though it’s all bottled inside of him. Children of alcoholics often take on the responsibility for their parent’s illness.”

Uncomfortable and impatient, Monroe shifted in his chair. “You’ve explained that before.”

“Yes, I have. Joey resents his father, and to a great extent he resents his mother because both of them let him down. His father with his drinking, his mother with her preoccupation with his father’s drinking. Because he loves them, he’s turned this resentment onto himself.”

“Lois did her best.”

“Yes, I’m sure she did. She’s a remarkably strong woman. Unfortunately, Joey doesn’t have her strength. Joey’s depression has reached a dangerous stage, a critical stage. I can’t tell even you what was discussed or what was said in our recent sessions, but I can tell you I’m more concerned than ever over his emotional state. He’s in such pain. At this point I’m doing little more than soothing the pain so that he can get through the week until I can soothe it again. Joey feels his life is worthless, that he’s failed as a son, as a friend, as a person.”

“The divorce-”

“Divorce batters the children involved. The extent of which depends on the state of mind the children are in at the time, the way the divorce is handled, the emotional strength of the individual child. For some it can be as devastating as a death. There’s usually a period of grief, of bitterness, even of denial. Self-blame is common. Mr. Monroe, it’s been nearly three years since your wife separated from Joey’s father. His obsession with the divorce and his part in it isn’t normal. It’s become a springboard for all of his problems.”

She paused a moment, and linked her hands together again. “His alcoholism is painful. Joey feels he deserves the pain. In fact, he appreciates it in the way a small child appreciates being disci-plined for breaking the rules. The discipline, the pain, makes him feel a part of society, while at the same time, the alcoholism itself makes Joey feel isolated from society. He’s learned to depend on this isolation, on seeing himself as different, not quite as good as everyone else. Particularly you.”

“Me? I don’t understand.”

“Joey identifies with his father, a drunk, a failure both in business and in family life. You are everything his father, and therefore Joey, is not. Part of him wants to cut himself off from his father and model himself on you. The rest of him simply doesn’t feel worthy, and he’s afraid to risk another failure. It’s gone beyond that even, Mr. Monroe. Joey is fast reaching a point where he’s too tired to bother at all with life.”

His fingers were clenching and unclenching. When he spoke, it was his calm, board of director’s voice. “I don’t follow you.”

“Suicide is the third highest cause of death among teenagers, Mr. Monroe. Joey has definite suicidal tendencies. He’s already playing with the idea, circling around it with his fascination with the occult. It would take very little at this point in his life to push him over the line-an argument that leaves him feeling rebellious, a test in school that makes him feel inadequate. His fathers ambivalent behavior.”

Though her voice was calm, the underlying urgency was communicating to him. Tess leaned forward, hoping to take it to the next step. “Mr. Monroe, I can’t stress how vital it is that Joey begin structured, intensified treatment. You trusted me enough to bring him here, to allow me to treat him. You have to trust me enough to believe me when I say I’m not enough for him. I have information here on the clinic.” She pushed a folder across the desk. “Please discuss this with your wife, ask her to come in and talk it over with me. I’ll rearrange my schedule so that we can meet any time it’s convenient. But, please, make it soon. Joey needs this, and he needs it now, before something pushes him over.”