John Irving - The Cider House Rules

'Curly Day was the first boy I circumcised,' Homer Wells announced-just to change the subject from Fuzzy Stone. 'Doctor Larch was there when I did it,' Homer said, 'and a circumcision is no big deal-it's really easy.' Wally felt his own penis inch toward itself like a snail. Candy felt a cramp knot in her calf and she stopped swinging her legs off the edge of the dock; she drew her heels up to her buttocks and hugged her knees. 'Curly was the first one,' Homer said. 'I made it a little lopsided,'he confessed.

'We could drive up to Boothbay and see how he's doing,' Wally suggested.

What would we see? Candy wondered. She imagined Curly peeing all over the Cadillac again, and telling them again that he was the best one.

'I don't think that would be a good idea,' Homer said.

He went with Wally back to Ocean View and wrote Dr. Larch a long letter-his longest so far. He tried to tell Larch about the drive-in movie, but the letter degenerated into a critique of the movie itself, and so he tried to change the subject. {329}

Should he tell him about Herb Fowler carrying all the prophylactics? (Although Dr. Larch approved of everyone using prophylactics, he would hardly have approved of Herb Fowler.) Should he tell Larch that he had learned the real purpose of the drive-in? Wasn't it to tease oneself and one's date into a state of sexual frenzy -which neither of you were allowed to act upon? (Dr. Larch would certainly not think highly of that.) Should he tell Dr. Larch what Grace Lynch had said and done, or how he dreamed about her-or how he imagined he was falling in love, or already had fallen in love, with Candy (which he knew was forbidden)? And how do I say, 'I miss you'? he wondered-when I don't mean, 'I want to come back!'?

And so he ended the letter in his fashion; he ended it inexactly. 'I remember when you kissed me,' he wrote to Dr. Larch. 'I wasn't really asleep.'

Yes, thought Dr. Larch, I remember that, too. He rested in the dispensary. Why didn't I kiss him more- why not all the time? In other parts of the world, he dreamed, they have drive-in movies!

He always used more ether than he should have before the annual meeting of St. Cloud's board of trustees. He'd never quite understood what a board of trustees was for, and his impatience with the routine inquiries was growing. In the old days, there'd been the Maine State board of medical examiners; they'd never asked him any questions-they never wanted to hear from hi:nn. Now it appeared to Wilbur Larch that there was a board of trustees for everything. This year there were two new board members who'd never before seen the orphanage, and so the meeting had been scheduled to take place in St. Cloud's-the board usually met in Portland. The new members wanted to see the place; the old members agreed they should refresh themselves with the atmosphere.

It was a perfect August morning, with more indications {330} of September in the air's crispness than there were indications of the stifling carry-over of July's humidity and hazy heat; but Larch was irritable.

'I don't know, “exactly,” what a drive-in movie is,' he said crossly to Nurse Angela. 'Homer doesn't say, “exactly.” '

Nurse Angela looked frustrated. 'No, he doesn't,' she agreed, going over the letter again and again.

'What do you do with your cars when you're watching the movie?' Nurse Edna asked.

'I don't know,' Dr. Larch said. 'I assume that if you drive into something to see the movie, you must stay in your cars.'

'But what do you drive into, Wilbur?' Nurse Edna asked.

'That's what I don't know!' Larch shouted.

'Well, aren't we in a lovely mood?' Nurse Angela said.

'Why would you want to bring your car to a movie in the first place?' Nurse Edna asked.

'I don't know the answer to that, either,' Dr. Larch said tiredly.

Unfortunately, he looked tired during the trustees meeting, too. Nurse Angela tried to present some of the orphanage's priorities for him; she didn't want him to get bad-tempered with anyone on the board. The two new members seemed in an awful hurry to demonstrate that they already understood everything-and Nurse Angela detected Dr. Larch looking at these younger members with something of the look he had formerly reserved for Clara, in the days when Larch would discover that Homer's cadaver hadn't been put away properly.

The new woman on the board had been appointed for her abilities at fund-raising; she was especially aggressive. She'd been married to a Congregationalist missionary who'd committed suicide in Japan, and she had returned to her home state of Maine with a zeal for putting her considerable energies to work for something {331} 'doable'. Japan had not been at all 'doable,' sbe kept saying. Maine's problems, by comparison, were entirely surmountable. She believed that all Maine needed-or lacked-was organization, and she believed every solution began with 'new blood'-a phrase, Nurse Angela observed, that caused Dr. Larch to pale as if his own blood were trickling away from him.

That's an unfortunate expression for those of us familiar with hospital work,' Dr. Larch snapped once, but the woman-Mrs. Goodhall-did not look sufficiently bitten.

Mrs Goodhall expressed, albeit coldly, her admiration for the severity and the duration of Dr. Larch's 'undertakinG' and her respect for how much experience Larch and his assistants had with administering St. Cloud's; perhaps they all could be invigorated by a younger assistant. 'A young intern-a willing toiler, and with some new ideas in the obstetrical field,' Mrs. Goodhall suggested.

'I keep up with the field,' Dr. Larch said. 'And I keep up with the number of babies born here.'

'Well, then, how about a new administrative assistant?' Mrs. Goodhall suggested. 'Leave the medical practice to you-I'm talking about someone with a grasp of some of the newer adoption procedures, or just someone who could handle the correspondence and the interviewing for you.'

'I could use a new typewriter,' Dr. Larch said. 'Just get me a new typewriter, and you can keep the assistant – or give the assistant to someone who's really doddering around.'

The new man on the board was a psychiatrist; he was rather new at psychiatry, which was rather new in Maine in 194-. His name was Gingrich; even with people he had just met, he had a way of assuming he understood what pressure they were under-he was quite sure that everyone was under some pressure. Even if he was correct (about the particular pressure you were under), and {332} even if you agreed with him (that there indeed was a certain pressure, and indeed you were under it), he had a way of assuming he knew other pressures that preyed upon you (which were always unseen by you). For example, had he seen the movie that began with the Bedouin on the camel, Dr. Gingrich might have assumed that the captive woman was under great pressure to marry someone -although it was clearly her opinion that all she wanted was to get free. His eyes and introductory smile communicated a cloying sympathy that you perhaps did not deserve-as if he were imparting by the imposed gentleness of his voice and the slowness with which he spoke, the assurance that everything is much more subtle than we can suppose.

The older members of the board-all men, all as elderly as Larch-were intimidated by this new man who spoke in whispers and by this new woman who was so loud. In tandem, they seemed so sure of themselves; they viewed their new roles on the board not as learning experiences, or even as an introduction to orphanage life, but as opportunities for taking charge.

Oh dear, Nurse Edna thought.

There's going to be trouble, as if we need any, Nurse Angela thought. It wouldn't have hurt to have a young intern around, or an administrative assistant, either; but she knew that Wilbur Larch was protecting his ability to perform the abortions. How could he accept new appointees without knowing the person's beliefs?