Tatsuhiko Takimoto - Welcome to the NHK!

“No, I’m not lonely….”

On that warm, sunny day, I had gone on the date with Misaki. It unfolded as wholesomely as a date between middle school kids in the countryside would have.

We took the train into the city. There were large crowds, so we nearly lost sight of each other. Neither of us owned a cell phone; so, if we were separated even once, it would be the end of everything. In this large city, we never would be able to find each other again. We had to be careful.

Even so, Misaki was wandering heedlessly. I, too, was mostly just plodding along. “Where should we go?” I asked.

“Somewhere.”

“What about lunch?”

“We just ate together, didn’t we?”

“What about a movie?”

“Okay.”

We watched a movie. It was an astounding Hollywood action flick. Someone was being blown away by bombs, and he swung his arms around in circles as he floated high up into the sky. Then, he died. I longed to be like him.

“That was very interesting. Do you think I should buy the informational pamphlet?” [33] At movie theaters in Japan, they often sell official pamphlets with information about the movie.

Misaki was blown away by the thousand-yen price tag, though, so she didn’t end up buying it. “Why are they so expensive?!”

“That’s the price they usually are, isn’t it?”

“Hm, really?” It seemed that she hadn’t known.

When we exited the movie theater, we were once again at a loss over what to do.

“Where should we go?”

“Somewhere.”

“What about lunch?”

“We just ate, didn’t we?”

We kept walking aimlessly. We had no place to go, and I didn’t know what to do. Misaki felt the same way, and we both were troubled by it.

Eventually, we arrived at a needlessly large city park. There were a lot of people there, of course—and in the very center was a large fountain. Pigeons fluttered around us.

Seated on a bench, I was dazed. We chatted amiably until sunset. Finally, we ran out of conversation topics; when only our restless silence remained, Misaki pulled her secret notebook from her bag.

“Let’s walk toward our dreams!”

I responded, “It doesn’t matter anymore. This stuff isn’t going to change anything.”

“Don’t say such negative things.”

“Even if I try to believe these lies, in the end, there’s nothing I’d be able to do.”

“Actually, they’ve made me quite normal.”

“What part of you?”

“You don’t think I seem normal?” she asked.

“You’re strange”, I stated. “You’ve always been strange. Ever since I first saw you, I thought you seemed rather off.”

“Really…”

We both grew silent.

In front of us, a pigeon waddled by. Misaki tried to catch it. Naturally, the pigeon escaped. She repeated her attempt several times; after they all failed, she simply stared at the fountain in front of us.

Then, she said, “Satou, when it comes to you and me, and the idea of which of us is more worthless, you must be more worthless then I am, right?”

I agreed with her completely.

“Well, that’s why. That’s why you were selected for my project, Satou.”

It seemed she had finally decided she wanted to discuss the heart of the matter. At this point, though, it really didn’t make any difference, as nothing was going to change. At least, that was my conviction.

Misaki was smiling a fake smile that would have made anyone seeing it nervous. It was an uncertain, manufactured smile that touched only her lips, unnaturally pulling them upward.

She began, “The initial premise is that there’s no way anyone could end up liking someone like me.”

“You really think that?”

“It’s been like that since I was born. It was so bad that my mother and father hated me, and it was even worse with other people.”

I didn’t have any response.

“My uncle and aunt took me in, but I just create problems for them, too. Their relationship is getting worse, and they say they want to divorce soon. It’s all my fault, and I’m really sorry about it.”

“You’re just thinking about it too much.”

“No, I’m not”, she said. “I probably was born useless, and normal people won’t have anything to do with me. Eventually, everyone starts hating me and, because of me, everyone starts feeling bad. I have actual evidence that what I’m saying is true.”

Misaki rolled up her sleeves. Holding out her arms, she made me look at them. Many, many sad scars from old burns marred her white skin.

“It was my second father. I don’t even remember his face. He drank continuously. While he drank, his mood would improve—but even when he was in a good mood, he always was getting angry at me, burning me with cigarettes.” She said all this, her bright smile unwavering.

“I was even scared of school and couldn’t go. Of course, I was scared… There was no way I could fit in with everyone else. I was terrified. Because if they were normal people, they were absolutely sure to start hating someone like me.”

“What about the people at your church?”

“Those are good people. Everyone there is pretty normal, and they’re forking their hardest. So, of course, they won’t have anything to do with me.”

I didn’t say anything.

“Finally, I was able to find someone more worthless than I was: A really worthless person. A totally worthless person—the kind you can’t find just anywhere. Someone who can’t look people in the eye when speaking, who is unbearably afraid of others. Someone who lives among the dregs of society, a person whom even I could look down on.”

“Who was it?”

“Satou.” Her words were exactly what I expected.

Then, Misaki pulled a sheet of scrap paper from her bag and handed it to me. It was the second contract.

I felt unsure what I should do. The sun was nearly beneath the horizon, and the number of people walking around the park had shrunk considerably.

Misaki handed me a marker and a vermilion ink pad [34] Used to put a family stamp/seal on documents. The Japanese use these seals more often than signatures. , saying, “A thumb print will be fine.

“After all, someone like you, Satou, might start liking me, right?” she asked. “I mean, you’re even more worthless than I am, after all. As I’ve been carrying out this plan for such a long time, you should be my prisoner by now, right? Please, be nice to me, and I’ll be nice to you, too.”

“No. This won’t work.”

“Why?”

“It’s no use. Nothing’s changed. This agreement just makes everything more painful. On top of that, it’s too empty.” I got up and returned the marker and ink.

I tried to be enthusiastic. “You’ll be fine, Misaki! This is just a momentary lapse of confidence. Have a rubdown with a dry towel, and train your mind and body! If you do that, these stupid thoughts will disappear. A cute girl like you will be able to have a great life! Don’t look down! Look up, and you’ll be okay!”

Then, I ran away.

The contents of the contract had seared themselves into my brain.

Defining Satou Tatsuhiro as party Aand Misaki Nakahara as party B, the two parties agree to the following:

Awill not start to hate B.

In fact, Awill start to like B.

Awill never change mind.

Awill never have a change of heart.

When one party is lonely, the other always will be at his or her side.