Tatsuhiko Takimoto - Welcome to the NHK!

“Ah, this thrill, this blood-boiling, flesh-crawling thrill. I’m excited! My heart is pounding! Elementary school students nowadays are so cute. I’m clicking the shutter! Click! Click! Nice shot!

“Let’s call that wonderful elementary school student—she looks to be about a sixth-grade girl—let’s call her Sakura, for now. The second that Sakura turned back around to meet her friends, I couldn’t let that perfect diagonal, forty-five degree angle get away from me! Heh heh heh, are you listening, Yamazaki? Are you making sure to get photos of me, Yamazaki? Capture every last detail of my hideous lolicon appearance, or else I’ll just be a normal pervert.

“Whoa! More and more students are pouring out of the building. Look at those pretty girls, so full of life. I’m taking their pictures, taking their pictures, taking their pictures! Blow, spring breeze! Rise up, sudden wind! And lift up their skirts!

“Are you still there, Yamazaki? I’m looking into the digital camera’s finder, so I can’t tell if you’re there or not. You’re standing diagonally behind me, aren’t you, Yamazaki? Be sure to photograph my distasteful appearance. You understand, don’t you? Come on, Yamazaki, are you really listening? Hey, say something! I’m doing my best to get a panty shot of these little kids. You should be infected by my enthusiasm and doing your best, too. Are you listening? Hey, I said to say something! Oh well, whatever. We are committing a crime, after all. If you’re too scared to talk, that’s only natural. You have a soft voice, anyway.

“Hey, what do you know? Taking secret pictures is fun. And I am ugly now… . Hm, that’s right—I didn’t really want to become this sort of scum. When I was little, my dream was to go to Tokyo University and become a great scholar. I wanted to invent something that would help all mankind. And now, I’m a lolicon hikikomori! You should cry. Yeah, that’s right. Cry! Shed tears for my repulsive appearance!

“We wanted to smile casually and happily each day; we wanted to enjoy a normal, average, invigorating daily life. The incomprehensibly rough waves of fate have made it impossible, though—so, cry in despair! We really wanted to be useful to everyone, to be respected by everyone, to live in harmony with everyone. Now, though, we’re lolicon hikikomori—so, cry in despair! You must cry!

“Oh, I’m sad. I’m so sad. But the elementary school kids are cute. I’m excited.

“Ah. Ooh. My tears won’t stop. The finder is fogging up, so I can’t see too well. But I’ll keep taking pictures of these little girls—so, Yamazaki, you need to work hard to keep taking pictures, too. It’s sad, but let’s try hard. We can’t stop crying, but let’s do all we can. We’ll do our best to photograph the elementary school kids!

“Huh? What? Why are you suddenly tapping my shoulder? Is something wrong? Hey, hey, cut it out. We’re just getting to the good part.

“See? Look at that one, the short-haired girl wearing knee socks. She’s so cute; I want to take her home. Put her under my arm like take-out and carry her home. Eh? What a pain in the ass you are. I’m busy right now! Come on, what’s wrong with you, Yamazaki. If you tap me like that, the picture will blur. Hey, hey, you’re really annoying me. What happened to you, all of a sudden?”

“Satou! I said, Satou!”

“Shhh! Quiet, or we’re going to get caught!”

“What are you doing in a place like this, Satou?”

“It should be obvious. That short-haired girl…”

“The girl?”

“Taking secret pict—“

At that moment, I just happened to take my eyes off the finder. As I did, the palm resting on my shoulder entered the corner of my vision. Those slender, pliable fingers couldn’t possibly belong to a man….

I turned around.

Misaki was there. My heart started pumping at fifty times my normal pulse rate.

A gentle breeze was blowing.

Time stopped.

Somewhere along the way, Yamazaki had disappeared, only to be replaced by Misaki.

To make things worse, Misaki was decked out in her religious outfit—the plain, long-sleeved dress and white parasol. Dressed like that, she was crouched down in the bushes with me.

“Wh-wh-when did you get here?”

“Just a few seconds ago.”

I thought about asking how much of my frenzied prattle she had heard, but I gave up. Either way, this was a huge crisis.

A shady man, digital camera hung around his neck, hiding in the shadows near the gate of an elementary school. Anyone would take him for a pervert—and rightfully so. I was already out of options. Gah! I’m sorry, Mother and Father. I wasn’t content with dropping out of college. I needed to be thrown in jail for sex crimes, also. I’m a complete failure as a son. How can I atone for this crime?

I was already out of time. Misaki, who kept looking into my face, would start screaming soon. “There’s a pervert here! Someone, come quick!”

No, no. No doubt, it wouldn’t end with that. After all, she was dressed in her religious clothes. And religions have strict commandments like, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Naturally, lusting after a child would be beyond the pale—which is exactly why God’s rage rains down on lolicon men.

That’s right. Misaki likely would threaten me with something like, “The Lord knows all your sins!” [18] John 3:20. She would say, “For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and knoweth all things!” [19] John 3:36. and set me shivering with fear. Saying, “For the wages of sin is death,” [20] Romans 6:23. she likely would try to throw me into the hellfire of God’s rage!

This was the absolute end. Looking up at the sky, I prepared for the moment that God’s punishment would descend upon me. In that moment, my life would come to a close. My future would be sealed. It was just a second away.

Time passed while I waited, though, and Misaki didn’t denounce me. Looking back down at Misaki, she was still gazing at me. Our bodies hidden in the bushes, we stared at each other silently.

Finally, Misaki explained, “I just saw Yamazaki, face covered with both hands, run off in the direction of your apartment. I wondered what was going on; and when I peeked in here, I saw you, Satou, so …”

“You know Yamazaki?”

“The man in room 202, right? He looked pretty happy to get ‘Awaken!’ from us. That’s unusual.”

“He did? What a strange guy.”

“Am I bothering you? You did look pretty busy, after all, Satou.”

“N-no! Not at all. I mean, not really. By the way, Misaki, what were you doing in this area?” I tried to change the subject. I was beginning to feel as though I might actually get away with the whole thing.

“I’m on my way home from our religious recruiting. Auntie Kazuko and I were just passing by here. I had Auntie go on home ahead of me when I found out you were here.”

“Yeah? By the way, I really like your religious outfit. The parasol really gives off a spiritual aura.”

When I said that, Misaki cast her eyes downward. “This is a disguise.” Her face turned pink as she spoke.

“Huh?”

“I really hate doing this religious solicitation stuff, so I go out of my way to carry a parasol. That way, no one will remember my face.” Her reason was strangely reassuring. After everything, she remained mysterious. I still couldn’t tell who she really was.

This was my chance to escape. Run away now!

“Well then, I’ve got to be going.” I stood up.

Misaki also stood, closing her parasol.

Just like that, I started walking away awkwardly. I made it to the sidewalk from behind the bushes, and then I briskly headed up the path toward my apartment.