Tatsuhiko Takimoto - Welcome to the NHK!

A lolicon stood there.

“Ugh.” I weakly slid onto the bathroom floor.

How could things have come to this?

What had been done could never be undone. I had … I had collected Lolita images from all over the world. And I hadn’t been satisfied with images alone. I had even gotten involved with video data, in formats like MPEG and RealMovie. My 30GB hard drive was full of the indecent bodies of little girls who, in truth, I pitied.

I can’t go on. I just can’t go on. A lolicon hikikomori is pretty much the worst thing ever. I’m less than human. I’m a monster. I can’t keep living. I can never walk in the light of day again.

True, I certainly was a hikikomori. I was fairly certain that I wasn’t a lolicon, though. My tastes were pretty conventional, and I had, in fact, even liked older women. Even so, now…

“Ahhh … hunh hunh!” Unbearable sobs poured forth, and my tears gushed onto the floor. They were tears of atonement. Yes, I acknowledged my mistakes, and I wanted to reform myself now. I wanted to change. But it was already too late.

As soon as I had started whispering things to myself like, “Nozomi is beautiful,” I knew I was going to hell. As soon as I had begun to mutter thoughts like, “Kiyomi is amazing. Even for a first-year middle school student, she’s amazing,” to myself, I was ready to fall into hell. As soon as I had begun to opine, “Wow, Russians are hardcore, and Americans do terrible things, also”, grinning to myself, I knew that there was a one hundred percent chance that I was going to hell.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I apologize, I didn’t really want to do it. I didn’t mean any harm. It was just a joke at the start. But now…

“Argh!” It hurt. I was in pain. My chest hurt. My heart was breaking with guilt. I didn’t want to be a lolicon or anything of the sort. But now, nonetheless, I was a first-rate lolicon hikikomori, the most worthless piece of human garbage who ever lived.

Still, listen: You’re wrong. You’re making a mistake! I don’t want to lock up a girl in my room or anything like that! I don’t want to kidnap anyone! You’re wrong. I’m not the one who committed that crime! Please, believe me! Trust me! Don’t look at me like that! Don’t look at me!

But… red schoolbags. And recorders. And innocent girls playing in the park. Gah!

“You want to play with big brother?”

“I’ll give you candy.”

“Just lift up your skirt.”

“Let's play doctor.”

“Here's your shot!”

I’m done for, done for, done for! I should die, die, die, right away. What’s that noise? Shut up…

“Satou! You’re here, aren’t you? Please, open up!” From somewhere far away, someone was calling out, “Satou! Are you alive? Are you dead? If you’re alive, please open the door!”

Someone was pounding on my apartment door. I didn’t have the capacity to show myself in public anymore, though. Leave me alone….

"What, are you really not there? I just wanted to lend you this marvelous illegal video."

Standing up, I wiped away my tears and opened the door.

Hearing my story, Yamazaki crumpled his face into a frown of pure disgust. “You locked yourself up for a whole week and just collected porn? You’re a failure as a human being.”

“First off, this is all your fault.”

“You say that, but I guess it’s your nature, after all. Right, Satou?”

“D-d-don’t you feel guilty, dragging me into this, and then saying that?”

“I told you those were just character references, right? Look, Satou, you’re not normal at all if you’ve collected thirty gigs of porn. I don’t even want to come close to you. Don’t come near me—you’re freaking me out!”

“G-gr-grrrr!” As a result of intense rage, I literally saw red. Both of my fists trembled.

“W-well, to change the mood, let’s start talking seriously about our plan for making the game. I’ll lend you this tape, okay?”

Snatching the tape from his hands, I smashed it against my leg and broke it in two. “Wh-wh-what are you… ?” Yamazaki stuttered.

At that moment, I saw my only escape from the lolicon world.

I glared at Yamazaki. “Yamazaki.”

“What? Please, pay me back for the video.”

“Lolicon material is inhuman; it’s monstrous.”

He was silent.

“Let’s escape, let’s escape together! If we don’t get away right now, we’ll be lolicons until we die! Hurry!” Forcefully grabbing Yamazaki’s hand, I pulled him out of the room.

Stopping by Yamazaki’s room for his digital camera, we headed outside, walking quickly through the town.

It was an early May afternoon. Although it was warm in town, there were few people outside.

“Where are we going?”

Without answering, I kept trudging forward.

On the way, I ducked into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera, which I gave to Yamazaki. I then continued to hurry toward my destination, Yamazaki in tow.

It was three o’clock in the afternoon. The best time possible.

“A digital camera and a disposable camera? What in the world do you want me to use this for?” Yamazaki asked, out of breath.

When I reached my destination, I answered, “Take a picture of me.”

“Why?”

“Well, do you know where we are?”

“Hm. This looks like the front gate of an elementary school.”

“Right, the Ikuta Elementary School, a public elementary school with about five hundred students. And I’m going to hide in the shrubs in front of the gate. Yamazaki, you hide, too. Hurry up!”

“Huh?”

“The end-of-the-day bell will ring soon. When that happens, the students will come pouring out of this gate.”

“That's true. So?”

“I’m going to take pictures.”

“O-of what?”

“Of elementary school students.”

He didn't say anything.

“I’m going to take some great pictures of beautiful little girls, using your state-of-the-art digital camera.”

Silence.

“You understand, Yamazaki? I’m going to sneak some pictures soon. I’ll hide and take pictures of little girls in the spring. I might even ‘accidentally’ take some panty shots. It’ll be fine. If we stay still and hide in these bushes, no one will find us. I’m going to photograph these elementary school students. I’ll take as many pictures as I can—only of the cutest girls, of course.”

The bell rang. In a few minutes, the students would come through this gate.

“Yamazaki, you take pictures of me with that disposable camera. Take as many pictures as you can of ugly me, the filthy lolicon guy, while he’s taking pictures of elementary school kids! You understand?{ }This is the only way we can escape from lolicon! You see that, right? You understand? It’s an ugly picture. However, at the same time, this is your appearance, too. You need to burn this disgusting, pathetic, dirty appearance onto that film. We’ll develop it together and objectively look at our own ugliness, dirtiness, and unsightliness. And then, we’ll be able to escape from lolicon and return to normal.”

The voices of the little girls echoed out from the entrance to the stairs. I readied the digital camera. Only a little more…

“Ready, Yamazaki?! I’m going to take the pictures. In just a moment, the first girls will arrive. I’ll secretly take their pictures! Then, you take my picture! You get it? If you understand, answer me, Yamazaki.

“Oh, the first one is beautiful! In a white dress, black tights, and dark brown boots, she’s amazing! Moe, moe! Are you listening, Yamazaki?! I’m clicking the shutter! Now, you click the shutter, too. Don’t use the flash, though—if you do, they’ll find us and call the police right away.