Iain Banks - Whit

'Good,' I smiled. 'So; Sister Bernadette. How have you been, anyway?'

'What?' she said, glancing wildly at the road as a truck went past heading west, and then staring back at me. 'Ah, sorry?'

'I was just asking you how you were.'

'Ah, fine. And yourself?'

'Well,' I said, crossing my arms. 'I was fine, too, really, until yesterday. Everything seemed to be going well, apart from the problem of finding Cousin Morag… ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself…' I said, smiling.

Bernadette's smile became even broader and even shallower than it had been. 'Ah,' she said. 'But you don't want to be bothering yourself telling-'

'… I got down to Edinburgh without any problems,' I said. 'The inner-tube worked very well, as I was telling Brother Indra earlier. The worst bit of the river journey was probably going down the weir, you know; the bit where the river becomes tidal…' I said, settling back even more comfortably.

I took my time. Bernadette stood looking at me with a smile so broad and stretched you could see right through it to the terror underneath, while her wide, round eyes moved desperately around like a pair of caged animals seeking escape. The sound of a larger vehicle approaching on the road brought an even tauter look to her face, and produced a sort of tic in her head as she tried to look at me and watch the road at the same time, while her gaze flicked back and forth with impressive speed, like somebody desperately trying to signal No with their eyes.

After a while, however, I think a degree of resignation crept in; a glazed expression settled over Sister Bernadette's face and I was left with the impression that her brain had stopped talking to her facial muscles, perhaps complaining of over-work. I had got to the flight north with Grandma Yolanda when the bus arrived. Bernadette was so far gone she didn't notice.

The bus drew away and Uncle Mo was standing there, looking small and dapper, a camel-hair coat draped over his shoulders and a leather bag in his hand.

It was only when I waved over to him that Bernadette seemed to come to. 'Oh look,' I said. 'There's Uncle Mo. Golly. What a surprise.'

'What?' she said, turning as I rose. I started off across the weedy tarmac towards Uncle Mo. Bernadette ran after me.

'Sisters! Niece!' Uncle Mo said, dropping his bag and holding out his arms as we approached. 'You shouldn't have come just to meet me!'

'We didn't, honest!' squawked Bernadette as I hugged and was hugged by Uncle Mo. He smelled strongly of cologne.

'Isis,' he said, beaming. He kissed my cheek. Since I had seen him last he had grown a little pencil moustache. And a little chubbier. 'So good to see you.'

'Hello, Uncle. This is most unexpected.'

'Ach, a whim, dear girl. To arrive early for the Festival. Ah;… Sister,' Mo said, shaking Bernadette's hand. 'Mary, isn't it?'

'Ah, no; Bernadette.'

Uncle Mo snapped his fingers. 'Bernadette, of course.' He tapped one temple then held out one hand and looked up at the sky.' What did I call you?' he asked.

'Mary,' she said.

There you are. Meaning to say Bernadette, it comes out Mary. There you are. So. Now. Are you both well? How is everybody?'

'Fine,' Bernadette said as I picked up Uncle Mo's bag. Bernie looked annoyed, as though she should have thought of doing that.

'Niece,' Uncle Mo laughed, holding out both hands to the bag in my hands. 'Please; I am not yet so old as to be totally incapable.'

'Let me carry it, Uncle,' I said. 'It would be an honour.'

'Well. Well, if you… yes, well, there you are. Why indeed not?' He cleared his throat. 'So. Isis. I hear you've been on your travels.'

'Yes, Uncle. I saw the Fossils in Edinburgh and Brother Zeb in London.'

'Zeb!' Uncle Mo said, nodding. 'Yes. Of course. I remember. Why, I haven't seen Zeb since he was this high.' He held out a hand at waist level. 'And so, how is Zeb?'

'Oh, he's just shooting up these days, Uncle,' I said.

'Excellent. Excellent. So; we are all well.'

'Yes, everybody's well, Uncle,' I told him as we walked towards the little gate. 'Though to be honest with you I'm having a few problems myself just at the moment, but I'm keeping well. How are you?'

'Most hale and hearty, thank you, Isis. But what are these problems you talk of?'

We were at the gate. 'Well, Uncle,' I said, holding the gate open for him. He stood to one side to motion that Bernadette should go first. She nodded and walked through. I let Uncle Mo follow, then with an expression of innocent surprise on my face said, 'Sister Bernadette?'

She looked at me. I looked back out at the road then back to her. 'What about the delivery van?'

She frowned. 'The- ?' She went crimson. 'Oh… I'll…' She looked back down the drive. 'It can… ah…"

'I know,' I said. 'I'll accompany Uncle Mo to the house; then, if you want, I'll come back and help you with the delivery.'

'Ah…' She shook her head in frustration. 'Oh, never mind it!' she said, and turned away. When she looked back she was smiling desperately again. Uncle Mo and I looked at each other and exchanged that momentary lifting of the eyebrows that is the face's equivalent of a shrug. Somebody not quite knowing all the details of what was going on might have thought we were acknowledging that of the three of us there were only two half-decent liars and one total incompetent, and perhaps in a way that's just what we were doing.

'Let's both go, then,' I said.

'There you are. I shall have a beauty on both arms,' Uncle Mo said, with some satisfaction.

'This is a surprise, Uncle Mo,' I said emphatically as we walked.

'Yes,' he said. 'Yes; but there you are; the moment has always been my spur!'

'I bet that delivery comes later, anyway,' Bernadette blurted. 'I'll go back and get it later.'

'Good idea, Sister.'

'Quite so. There you are.'

And so with our various lies, we walked down the drive to the farm. I told Uncle Mo the quick version of my travels and explained about the zhlonjiz . I made an exception for him, despite the fact he was a man, by including the coy line about Grandfather becoming a little over-affectionate the previous night. He gave a small frown, then looked surprised, then finally seemed to dismiss it with a slightly puzzled smile, as though we obviously had misunderstood each other. Bernadette looked startled; she tripped on the drive's pitted surface, saving herself with the umbrella, which bent.

'I think your umbrella will have seen better days,' Uncle Mo said. She looked disconsolately at it and nodded.

Uncle Mo took a half-bottle-sized hip flask from a coat pocket and took a long drink as we approached the Community buildings. 'Medicine,' he explained to us.

He took his bag from my hand as we entered the farm courtyard; Bernadette seemed to want to head for the mansion house at first, but changed her mind. I saw her and Uncle Mo to the door of the kitchen, then wished him well.

'You're not coming in?' he asked, on the threshold. I could smell cooking and hear a babble of talk turning to a chorus of loud and friendly Hellos.

I lowered my head and smiled sadly. 'I've… been asked not to,' I admitted.

Uncle Mo put his hand on my elbow and squeezed. 'You poor child,' he said, looking and sounding most serious.

'Not to worry, Uncle,' I said. I brightened. 'Anyway; I'm sure there'll be a place free for you. Have a good meal; I'll see you later.'

'I'll see what I can do, Isis,' he said, projecting quietly.

'Thank you,' I whispered. I stepped back then turned and walked away. I kept my head down for a few smaller, slower than normal steps, then brought it proudly up as my stride lengthened and I pulled my shoulders back. How much of this little performance Uncle Mo was able to appreciate I really don't know, but I was reasonably pleased with it myself