Jodie Picoult - My Sister's Keeper

When I turn around to go back to my car, I see the girl. She still has that knobby, calf-like look of preteens; she jumps over every sidewalk crack. "Hi," I say, when she is close enough to hear me. "Are you Anna?"

Her chin snaps up. "Maybe."

"I'm Julia Romano. Judge DeSalvo asked me to be your guardian ad litem. Did he explain to you what that is?"

Anna narrows her eyes. "There was a girl in Brockton who got kidnapped by someone who said they'd been asked by her mom to pick her up and drive her to the place where her mom worked."

I rummage in my purse and pull out my drivers license, and a stack of papers. "Here," I say. "Be my guest." She glances at me, and then at the god-awful picture on my license; she reads through the copy of the emancipation petition I picked up at the family court before I came here. If I am a psychotic killer, then I have done my homework well. But there is a part of me already giving Anna credit for being wary: this is not a child who rushes headlong into situations. If she's thinking long and hard about going off with me, presumably she must have thought long and hard about untangling herself from the net of her family.

She hands back everything I've given her. "Where is everyone?" she asks.

"I don't know. I thought you could tell me." Anna's gaze slides to the front door, nervous. "I hope nothing happened to Kate."

I tilt my head, considering this girl, who has already managed to surprise me. "Do you have time to talk?" I ask.

The zebras are the first stop in the Roger Williams Zoo. Of all the animals in the Africa section, these have always been my favorite. I can give or take elephants; I never can find the cheetah—but the zebras captivate me. They'd be one of the few things that would fit if we were lucky enough to live in a world that's black or white.

We pass blue duikers, bongos, and something called a naked mole rat that doesn't come out of its cave. I often take kids to the zoo when I'm assigned to their cases. Unlike when we sit down face-to-face in the courthouse, or even at Dunkin' Donuts, at the zoo they are more likely to open up to me. They'll watch the gibbons swinging around like Olympic gymnasts and just start talking about what happens at home, without even realizing what they are doing.

Anna, though, is older than all of the kids I've worked with, and less than thrilled to be here. In retrospect, I realize this was a bad choice. I should have taken her to a mall, to a movie.

We walk through the winding trails of the zoo, Anna talking only when forced to respond. She answers me politely when I ask her questions about her sisters health. She says that her mother is, indeed, the opposing attorney. She thanks me when I buy her an ice cream.

"Tell me what you like to do," I say. "For fun."

"Play hockey," Anna says. "I used to be a goaltender."

"Used to be?"

"The older you get, the less the coach forgives you if you miss a game." She shrugs. "I don't like letting a whole team down."

Interesting way to put it , I think. "Do your friends still play hockey?"

"Friends?" She shakes her head. "You can't really have anyone over to your house when your sister needs to be resting. You don't get invited back for sleepovers when your mom comes to pick you up at two in the morning to go to the hospital. It's probably been a while since you've been in middle school, but most people think freakhood is contagious."

"So who do you talk to?"

She looks at me. "Kate," she says. Then she asks if I have a cell phone.

I take one out of my pocketbook and watch her dial the hospital's number by heart. "I'm looking for a patient," Anna says to the operator. "Kate Fitzgerald?" She glances up at me. "Thanks anyway." Punching the buttons, she hands the phone back to me. "Kate isn't registered."

"That's good, right?"

"It could just mean that the paperwork hasn't caught up to the operator yet. Sometimes it takes a few hours."

I lean against a railing near the elephants. "You seem pretty worried about your sister right now," I point out. "Are you sure you're ready to face what's going to happen if you stop being a donor?"

"I know what's going to happen." Anna's voice is low. "I never said I liked it." She raises her face to mine, challenging me to find fault with her.

For a minute I look at her. What would I do, if I found out that Izzy needed a kidney, or part of my liver, or marrow? The answer isn't even questionable—I would ask how quickly we could go to the hospital and have it done.

But then, it would have been my choice, my decision.

"Have your parents ever asked you if you want to be a donor for your sister?"

Anna shrugs. "Kind of. The way parents ask questions that they already have answered in their heads. You weren't the reason that the whole second grade stayed in for recess, were you? Or, You want some broccoli, right?"

"Did you ever tell your parents that you weren't comfortable with the choice they'd made for you?"

Anna pushes away from the elephants and begins to trudge up the hill. "I might have complained a couple of times. But they're Kate's parents, too."

Small tumblers in this puzzle begin to hitch for me. Traditionally, parents make decisions for a child, because presumably they are looking out for his or her best interests. But if they are blinded, instead, by the best interests of another one of their children, the system breaks down. And somewhere, underneath all the rubble, are casualties like Anna.

The question is, did she instigate this lawsuit because she truly feels that she can make better choices about her own medical care than her parents can, or because she wants her parents to hear her for once when she cries?

We wind up in front of the polar bears, Trixie and Norton. For the first time since we've gotten here, Anna's face lights up. She watches Kobe, Trixie's cub—the newest addition to the zoo. He swats at his mother as she lies on the rocks, trying to get her to play. "The last time there was a polar bear baby," Anna says, "they gave it to another zoo."

She is right; memories of the articles in the ProJo swim into my mind. It was a big public relations move for Rhode Island.

"Do you think he wonders what he did to get himself sent away?"

We are trained, as guardians ad litem, to see the signs of depression. We know how to read body language, and flat affect, and mood swings. Anna's hands are clenched around the metal railing. Her eyes go dull as old gold.

Either this girl loses her sister , I think, or she's going to lose herself .

"Julia," she asks, "would it be okay if we went home?"

The closer we get to her house, Anna distances herself from me. A pretty nifty trick, given that the physical space between us remains unaltered. She shrinks against the window of my car, staring at the streets that bleed by. "What happens next?"

"I'm going to talk to everyone else. Your mom and dad, your brother and sister. Your lawyer."

Now a dilapidated Jeep is parked in the driveway, and the front door of the house is open. I turn off the ignition, but Anna makes no move to release her seat belt. "Will you walk me in?"

"Why?"

"Because my mother's going to kill me."

This Anna—genuinely skittish—bears little resemblance to the one I've spent the past hour with. I wonder how a girl might be both brave enough to instigate a lawsuit, and afraid to face her own mother. "How come?"

"I sort of left today without telling her where I was going."

"You do that a lot?"

Anna shakes her head. "Usually I do whatever I'm told."

Well, I am going to have to speak to Sara Fitzgerald sooner or later. I get out of the car, and wait for Anna to do the same. We walk up the front path, past the groomed flower beds, and through the front door.