Julian Fellowes - Past Imperfect

‘I said I thought that this would last, but even as I spoke the words I felt like some little, preppy, Sandra Dee figure asking to be allowed to stay out late.’ Candida sighed. ‘I’m afraid I wasn’t much use.’

‘Did Damian really say “pleased to meet you”?’

‘Apparently. It just shows how nervous he must have been.’

‘Poor chap. Was that it?’

She shook her head. ‘By no means. Uncle Pel hadn’t finished. He was absolutely fizzing and he sort of waved his finger at me, right under my nose, like a teacher in a situation comedy, as if I were the guilty one, which I now think he must have believed, since he knew I’d connived in getting Damian up there. “You tell Serena to get rid of this little social-climbing, money-grubbing shit,” he said. “You tell her to dump him, if she doesn’t want to leave it to me to manage. That kind of chap comes into this house by the servants’ entrance, or not at all.”’

I couldn’t help interrupting. ‘That sounds rather vulgar for the Lord Claremont I remember.’

Candida nodded. ‘You’re right. It wasn’t him at all. I think he was just so angry that his mental, editing machine had switched itself off. In fairness to Roo, it was too much for her, too, and she slapped him down. She said, “Really, Pel, don’t be so idiotic. You sound like a period drama on television. You’ll be telling him to get off your land next.” When she said that I smiled. I couldn’t help myself, but Roo saw it as a breach in the wall and she turned to me in the most coaxing way. “We have nothing against this young man, Candida,” she said, and she spoke very calmly, but in a way her calmness was more deadly to Serena’s hopes than Pel’s fury, as I could tell it was not a mood that might blow away in the morning. “Honestly we don’t. He is making an effort to be nice and he is perfectly welcome as a guest. But you must see it’s out of the question. The whole thing is simply ludicrous and that’s all there is to it.” She paused, I assume to let me nod. Which I didn’t, so she ploughed on. “Just find a way to tell Serena that we don’t think it a good idea. It’ll come much better from you. If we tackle her it’ll blow up into a hideous production. She’s a sensible girl. I’m sure she’ll see the wisdom of what we’re saying when she’s had time to think.’ I asked her if they wanted me to tell Serena that night, but she shook her head. “No. Don’t spoil the party,” she said. “Tell her tomorrow or the next day, before you leave. When you have a quiet moment.” Then she waited for a response and I suppose, by being silent, in a way I’d agreed.’

‘So did you?’

Again Candida shook her head. ‘I didn’t have to. That’s the point. After we’d all stopped hissing at each other we could hear the sounds of the first batch of people arriving for dinner, and Pel and Roo went down to greet them. I was still sitting in front of the glass, feeling a bit bludgeoned to tell the truth, and I heard a voice. “That’s me told.” I looked over and Damian was standing there.’

‘In your room?’

‘Yes.’ She nodded, scrunching up her eyes for a second at the memory. ‘He was next door, which maybe I’d forgotten, if I even knew. There was a pair of interconnecting doors, those doors that were so useful to the Edwardians, with a space between them, a couple of feet wide, which formed a completely effective sound barrier, and neither Pel nor Roo had shouted, so I wasn’t worried. The door was shut and since there was an armchair in front of it I must have assumed that it was locked, that they both were, but they weren’t. I suppose he’d been standing in the space between the two doors and now he’d opened the one into my room and come through it. The whole thing was so terrible I can hardly frame the words to describe it. I remember it now, forty years later, as one of the most horrible moments of my entire life, which, believe me, is saying something. We just stared at each other, then eventually I muttered about their not understanding his feelings, and hoping that he wouldn’t hate them and all that sort of thing. But Damian shook his head with a brisk little chuckle, and said, “Hate them? Why should I hate them? They’ve found me out.” And I didn’t understand him at first, because I’d been so convinced by Serena that he really did love her. So I couldn’t believe that he was telling me it wasn’t true, that all the time he’d been out to catch her for her money and whatnot. I didn’t want to believe him, but that’s what he said. He told Serena later on that night, so I didn’t have to. She and I talked about it, but only once. And I don’t think they saw each other again – except for that one ghastly evening in Portugal, of course. They might have run into each other at some gathering over the years, I suppose, but I never heard her mention it, if they did. He wasn’t at any more of the parties that year. He seemed to give us all up after the incident and I can’t say I’m surprised.’

‘Nor me. When did he tell her?’

‘Right at the end. I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted to spoil the evening, but he couldn’t have borne for her to hear it from anyone else and I think he’d already decided to leave first thing the next day. I seem to remember that he got her into the Tapestry Drawing Room just before it all folded, but I may have made that up.’

‘And he told her it had all been his plan to advance himself and that he didn’t love her?’

‘I suppose so. I mean yes. Although, even now, I don’t think it was ever the whole truth. He might have seen her as a ladder in some way, but I’m sure he was genuinely fond of her.’

‘I doubt it was true at all. If he said he loved her I’m sure he did.’

She looked at me, surprised. ‘I thought you disliked him.’

‘I hated him. I hate him now, really, if marginally less than before. That doesn’t mean I think him a liar, which I don’t, except under extreme provocation.’

She grimaced. ‘As we know.’

But I didn’t want to drift away to that other, cursed evening. I wanted to stay with the night of the ball. ‘He was lying to you to save face. I wonder that you couldn’t see that. She was never going to have much money anyway. If he was after that, he’d have gone for Joanna Langley.’

She blushed. ‘You don’t think he wanted a grand wife with a title?’

‘He wouldn’t have cared about it. Not then. Maybe at the beginning, but not by that stage. He turned down Dagmar of Moravia. He could have had a princess for a wife if he’d wanted.’

She thought about this. ‘Well, I must have agreed with you at the time, or the whole Portuguese adventure would never have happened. I suppose the years have made me more cynical than I was.’

‘Poor Serena. So she’d made her decision to defy her parents and marry her true love, and then, in one short evening, it was finished and there was nothing left for her to do but to go out on to the terrace for some fresh air and to come up with a new life scheme.’

‘Did she? You know more about it than I do.’

‘Yes, she did. And then she came in again and found me waiting in the anteroom, and we danced together just before I left.’ I thought of Serena’s blank eyes and her muttered ‘these things are such milestones.’ She might have said millstones. It would have been just as true.

‘I see. Well, perhaps you’re right about Damian. I hope so. But he’s had his revenge in a way. He ended up a figure of far greater significance than any of the rest of us. I wonder if Pel and Roo ever think about that.’

‘You did have a soft spot for him, then?’

‘Damian? Oh, absolutely. I adored him. As I told you, we did have a bit of a thing, but it was earlier in the year than all this. Once Damian and Serena got together, I don’t remember him being involved with anyone else in our crowd.’