Daniel Rose - Larry's Kidney, Being the True Story of How I Found Myself in China

I know all this yet am a ridiculous mass of symptoms: itchy, coughy, confused, upset.

“You’re feeling like an idiot,” he says, reading my thoughts. “But look, when I first came to the institute, I was astonished to learn there were more than two hundred teachers who volunteered to read the e-mail of their fellow faculty. They considered it a privilege to spy on one another for their beloved mother country. Even today I estimate that a third of my staff is state security.”

I’m a monkey idiot, busy tracking my itches. That word “spy,” I abhor its sound…

“So let me ask you, did it really never occur to you when your waitress said she would be your guide for free…?”

No, I think, and just as clearly, yes. Of course. In a way I knew it all along but didn’t want to admit it. Jade befriended me just a few morn ings after I turned away Yuh-vonne. The powers that be must have refined their research, and on a second try selected someone they knew would be more my style. That’s why her supervisor let her idle with me that first morning at breakfast, bowing out of the way. It all makes sense. How passionate she was about Tibet and Taiwan when she was tipsy. Her father in the government-of course! Studying foreign relations-indeed she was! She never asked me one question about my career-no doubt because she knew all about it. My mind races to catch up with itself. Ow my God. So she was a member of the cult of Mao rather than the cult of Larry? She was someone else’s spy before I recruited her to be mine? Worst of all, does this mean Jade didn’t care for me or Larry? That she was only-

“Now, that doesn’t mean she’s a bad person,” Alfred says, reaching for the sugar bowl. “In fact, those teachers who volunteered to spy? They were lovely individuals, some of them. Some were the loveliest of all! It was a form of patriotism on their part, Daniel. Think of your friend Jade as a kind of idealist, if that helps…”

My mind is blown. And that’s a phrase I haven’t even thought of in decades. It feels like a portion of my head has been exposed to the elements. The back of my skull pulsates.

“Oh, you dreamers.” Alfred laughs lightly at the expression I’m wearing. “That’s why we love you: Your vanity makes you such pushovers! But don’t worry, she must have genuinely cared for you, for her not to blow the whistle and do all sorts of serious damage, such as having the hospital padlocked and Dr. X stripped of his license. She must have grown very fond of you both and judged that what you were up to wasn’t going to hurt the state in any way. In fact, at the risk of blowing your mind a second time-”

“Uh?” I say.

“C’mon, it’s obviously blown from the look on your face, Daniel,” he says. “I hope you never try to make a living as a poker player.”

“Uh…”

“Anyway, hold on to your hat, because she may have even helped your quest for a kidney, greased the wheels behind the scenes, getting the paperwork approved by the higher-ups. She was watching over you, like a fairy-godmother.”

Or a fairy goddaughter…

Damn dim bulb is all I can think. I was in the dark all that time.

“But how’d you know…? I mean-”

“Oh, let’s just say a few of us took an interest in your project,” he says, smiling at me in that complicated way of his.

“An official interest?”

“I’m not prepared to say,” he says, affecting a look of modesty as he bites off the top of a sugar packet and picks the paper from his tongue. “In any event, it’s partly speculation on our part, with very little hard-and-fast proof. Maybe she’s just an innocent little waitress and we’re hyperventilating for nothing. If you think back on the cast of characters you’ve involved yourself with, however, I think you’ll agree that it has all the earmarks of being the classic scenario, on both sides.”

Cherry? I think. Ow my God, Cherry was on our team? Good hands indeed. And why was Queen Latifah so Johnny-on-the-spot? Did she have a dog in this fight, too?

I find myself clinging to the one thing I need to know for certain. “But the kidney’s good, right?”

Alfred laughs again, a tinkling like broken teacups. “You tell me. So long as Larry keeps taking his antirejection drugs, I’m told that everything should keep going well.”

“It’s not bugged or anything?”

“What, so the Chinese can keep tabs on his latest inventions?”

He laughs at me, not unkindly.

“And you’re sure it was a murderer, right, the donor?” I ask. “It wasn’t one of those religious guys the state’s outlawed?”

Here Alfred makes motions that say our little snack is coming to an end. “Let’s not even go there, shall we? Because in truth we’ve no way of knowing for sure. I doubt very much whether even Dr. X has a way of knowing for sure. I mean, China in its wisdom killed ten thousand prisoners the last year they reported, with very little lag time between verdict and execution, and the number is now officially a state secret, zealously guarded.”

He glances at my face.

“But listen, we don’t know anything for sure! We don’t even know about Jade for sure. The point is, you did what you had to do. Don’t second-guess yourself. Did you kill an innocent man? Possibly. Did you jump the queue, along with everyone else? Of course you did. Is it ruthless business? Without a doubt.”

I clear my throat. “I killed an innocent man?”

“Look, I can’t give you a free hall pass, Daniel: There are a lot of unknowns here. But you did what you came here to do: You saved your cousin’s life.”

“He’s not even my first cousin,” I say.

“So you’re not precisely your cousin’s keeper,” he says without missing a beat. “You’re something else, maybe less alliterative.”

I take a breath. It feels like the first one I’ve taken since entering the cafeteria. Alfred puts his hand on top of mine and pats it supportively.

“You know what, though? Can I give you one word of warning, from my limited experience seeing cases not unlike yours? Don’t expect to be applauded when you get home. A lot of people will be put out that you managed to pull this off. Certain family members may be angry that you lifted a finger to help when they didn’t. Certain segments of the medical community, don’t expect them to be overjoyed, either, at taking matters into your own hands. Others will say you played fast and loose, that you’re an American vampire, all those profundities that miss the point entirely. You know the expression ‘No good deed goes unpunished’? There’s an even more apt expression from this part of the world: ‘The captive buffalo resents the free buffalo.’ So don’t expect a ticker-tape parade.”

“I know,” I admit. “Even Larry kind of resents me.”

“We have a joke in Baltimore: ‘Why are you mad at me? What’d I do to help?’”

I try to smile, but it isn’t coming.

“As for those others who disagree with your methodology, they’re simply not playing on the same field as you,” he says. “They want a rational, step-by-step approach; you whisked yourself here and said, ‘Universe, use me.’ They want to play chess, and you’re already playing Go.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know about any of this,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m a little misoriented right now.”

“Here’s the bottom line,” he says, giving my hand a final pat and getting ready to stand. “All these carpings about whether we have the right to take an organ, even from a murderer, they’re just sentimental luxuries we can’t afford. I don’t necessarily want to get into this, because frankly it’s none of anyone’s business, but I lost a niece to a murderer back in the States, a long time ago, and I would have reached inside his rib cage and pulled out his heart with my bare hands if that would have brought her back to us.”