Colm Tóibín - The Blackwater Lightship

'So I thought about it and after a week or so \a151 and I had got used to going in there, it brightened up my whole week – I rang Melissa Power, who's Lily's secretary. I used to know her father and she's very private. Lily had sent her out here a few times with messages when she was too grand to come herself. And I told her not to tell Lily I rang – I was in the phone box in Blackwater – and I asked her who the best taxi driver in Wexford was. I knew there were a few because I had seen ads for taxis in the People. And she gave me the name Brendan Dempsey and I rang him, and he said that it would be expensive all right, but in actual fact it was less than that old fool Ted Kinsella had charged me, and he sounded very nice, very refined, and I go in with him now \a151 oh, he has a beautiful car, I don't know what it is, and I tell him I feel like the Queen of Sheba sitting in it, and some days he knows I don't want to talk, and he always asks me if he can turn the radio on. And he's interesting, he follows the news and he doesn't put his nose into my business, so I have a lovely day on a Wednesday.'

She sat at the table and looked at them both, as though defying them to contradict her.

'You're a great woman, Granny,' Declan said.

'Did you go to Wexford yesterday?' Helen asked.

'I did, Helen,' she said. 'So, with what you brought, we're well stocked up now with plenty of groceries.'

They sat in silence for a while until they heard a car approaching.

'Whisht now,' their grandmother said; 'that's not Lily's car.' She went to the window and parted the lace curtains, and then she walked out into the hallway, closing the kitchen door. Helen and Declan could hear a man's cheerful voice asking her if she was Declan's granny.

'Oh Jesus!' Declan said.

'Who is it?' Helen asked.

'It's Larry. I didn't think he'd come today.'

Helen remembered that Declan had told Paul to give directions to a Larry as well, and tell him to come as soon as possible, but clearly he was now embarrassed by his friend's arrival. She wondered if he was content now with simply her and her mother and her grandmother, or if he felt awkward at the arrival of another uninvited guest.

Her grandmother came into the kitchen accompanied by Larry, who began to talk as soon as he arrived.

'Will you look at you?' he said to Declan. 'You look as though you haven't left that chair since you arrived. I'd say all the women are spoiling you.'

Helen watched as Declan instantly brightened up.

'God, it's very hard to find this place,' Larry continued without getting his breath. 'I went all over the country. No one knew any Breens, and then I realised that your granny mightn't be called Breen.'

'My granny is standing behind you,' Declan said.

'Will you look at the cats?' Larry said, pointing to the top of the dresser. 'What are they called?'

'The black fat one is Garret and the other one is Charlie,' Mrs Devereux said.

'Are you serious?' Larry asked.

'Yeah, Larry,' Declan said dryly, 'she's serious.'

'The skinny one looks just like Charlie,' Larry said. 'The names are gas. And is this your sister?' He spoke without pause, smiling all the time.

Larry was too friendly, Helen thought, too open in his manner, but nonetheless he was, she felt, a relief after Paul, who was too formal and distant.

'Don't mind him,' Declan said. 'He only talks non-stop when he's nervous.'

'What?' Larry asked. 'Who's nervous?'

'Hey, Larry,' Declan said, 'shut up.' He smiled at Larry.

'Would you like a cup of tea, Larry?' Mrs Devereux asked.

'No, no, I'm all right, thank you,' he said. 'God, it's gas the names of the cats.'

'Stop, Larry,' Declan said.

'God, it's a great place this,' Larry said.

'Did you bring your measuring tape?' Declan asked. 'I'm sure Granny wants some renovations done.'

'I did, as a matter of fact,' Larry said. 'I have it in the car. Do you know I had real trouble finding this place?'

'If you don't shut up, we're going to drown one of the cats.'

'Declan!' his grandmother said.

'Granny, I have to say something drastic to shut him up.'

'OK, OK, I'll shut up,' Larry said. 'God, it was a long drive down.'

'Both cats,' Declan said emphatically. 'We'll drown both Garret and Charlie.'

'What's this about a measuring tape?' his grandmother asked.

'Larry', Declan said, 'is an architect.'

Helen noticed that Declan ate nothing at lunch, and when she and Larry and her grandmother had finished eating, he lay back in the chair beside the Aga and closed his eyes. Outside, the sky had cleared, but there was still a wind and no certainty that the sky would not cloud up again soon.

'I'd love to go down to the strand,' Declan said. 'Not for long, just for a minute before it starts raining again.' He kept his eyes closed.

'Sure we'll go down with you,' Larry said.

Declan shaded his eyes with his hands all the time as they tried to make their way down the cliff, saying that the light was too much for him. Helen saw how frail he was as they helped him from step to step. When, finally, she and Larry were standing on the strand, having run down the last stretch, Declan stood alone, unable to manage. Larry offered to go back up and help him but then Declan suddenly ran down the bank of loose sand. He seemed pale and exhausted.

'I should have brought my togs,' Larry said and looked at the sea. There was a wind blowing a thin film of sand along the strand.

'I want to stay here on my own for a while,' Declan said. 'I just want to sit here where there's shelter. If the two of you go up, I'll follow you later.'

'Why don't we go for a walk first?' Larry asked.

'No, I'll just sit here,' Declan said.

'We can't leave you here,' Helen said.

'Hellie, I'll be fine. I just want to look at the sea and think, and then I'll come back up.'

Helen told him about the gap to Mike Redmond's house, which was easy to climb; she and Larry walked towards it.

'Is he all right there?' Helen asked Larry.

'I got a big shock when I saw him in the room,' Larry said. 'He looks awful, doesn't he?'

'How long have you known him?'

'Since college.'

'Do you think we should leave him there?'

'If that's what he wants,' Larry said.

'Sometimes you forget he's sick, or you don't realise how sick he is,' Helen said.

'The problem is that he forgets as well,' Larry said, 'or he puts it to the back of his mind and then he remembers. It's very hard.'

They walked up the gap until they came to the ruin of Mike Redmond's house. Larry walked around it, touching the walls and the chimney breast.

'Your granny is lucky that her house is further back from the cliff,' he said.

'There used to be a big garden in front of this house,' Helen said.

'The foundations are very thin and the walls are not very strong,' Larry said.

'Have you brought your measuring tape?' she asked.

He looked at her earnestly. 'Why?'

She laughed until it struck him that she was mocking him.

'You're 'worse than Declan,' he said.

They walked back along the clifftop in silence, Larry staring out to sea and stopping to look down at the coast. 'I didn't know there were places like this still left in Wexford,' he said.

As they walked up the lane, they saw Lily driving towards them. She stopped at the gate of her mother's house.

'Is Declan inside?' she asked.

'Mammy, this is Larry, he's a friend of Declan's,' Helen said.

'Hello,' she said coldly. 'Is Declan inside?' she asked again.

'No, he's on the strand,' Helen said.

'Who's he with?' her mother asked.

'No one. He's on his own.'

'How did that happen?'

'He asked us to leave him there. He said he wanted to think.'