Colleen McCullough - 1. First Man in Rome

Encouraged by the result of the trial of Caepio, Saturninus began to act with an arbitrary arrogance that rocked the Senate to its foundations. Hard on the heels of Caepio's trial, Saturninus himself prosecuted Gnaeus Mallius Maximus for "loss of his army" in the Plebeian Assembly, with a similar result: Mallius Maximus, already deprived of his sons by the battle of Arausio, was now deprived of his Roman citizenship and all his property, and sent into exile a more broken man by far than the gold-greedy Caepio. Then late in February came the new treason law, the lex Appuleia de maiestate, which took treason trials off the cumbersome Centuries and put them into a special court staffed entirely by knights. The Senate was to have no part in this court at all. In spite of which, the senators said little derogatory about the bill during their obligatory debate, nor attempted to oppose its passage into law. Monumental though these changes were, and of an unimaginable importance to the future government of Rome, they could not capture the interest of Senate or People the way the pontifical election held at the same time did. The death of Lucius Caecilius Metellus Dalmaticus Pontifex Maximus had left not one, but two vacancies in the College of Pontifices; and yet, since these two vacancies were held by one and the same man, there were those who argued only one election was necessary. But, as Scaurus Princeps Senatus pointed out, voice wobbling dangerously, mouth quivering, that would only be possible if the man who was elected ordinary pontifex was also a candidate for the big job. Finally it was agreed that the Pontifex Maximus would be elected first. "Then we shall see what we shall see," said Scaurus, taking deep breaths, and only once hooting with laughter. Both Scaurus Princeps Senatus and Metellus Numidicus had put their names up as candidates for Pontifex Maximus, as had Catulus Caesar. And Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus. "If I am elected, or Quintus Lutatius is elected, then we must hold a second poll for the ordinary pontifex, as we are both already in the college," said Scaurus, voice control heroic. Among this field were a Servilius Vatia, an Aelius Tubero, and Metellus Numidicus. And Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus. The new law stipulated that seventeen of the thirty-five tribes be chosen by casting the lots, and that they alone vote. So the lots were cast, and the seventeen tribes which would vote determined. All this was done in a spirit of high good humor and great tolerance; no violence in the Forum Romanum that day! For many more than Scaurus Princeps Senatus were enjoying a wonderful chuckle. Nothing appealed to the Roman sense of humor more than a squabble involving the most august names on the censors' rolls, especially when the aggrieved party had managed so neatly to turn the tables on those who had caused the grievance. Naturally Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus was the hero of the hour. So no one was very surprised when Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus was elected Pontifex Maximus, and thereby made a second election unnecessary. Amid cheers and flying ropes of flowers, Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus scored the perfect revenge on those who had given his dead father's priesthood to young Marcus Livius Drusus. Scaurus rolled about in paroxysms of laughter the moment the verdict came in much to the disgust of Metellus Numidicus, who couldn't see the funny side at all. "Really, Marcus Aemilius, you are the limit! It's an outrage!" he bleated. "That bad-tempered and dirty-livered pipinna as Pontifex Maximus? After my dear brother, Dalmaticus? And versus you? Or me?" He pounded his fist against one of the Volscian ship's beaks which had given the rostra its name. "Oh, if there is any time when I detest Romans, it's when their perverted sense of the ridiculous overcomes their normal sense of fitness! I can forgive the passage of a Saturninus law easier than I can forgive this! At least in a Saturninus law, people's deep-rooted opinions are involved. But this this farce? Sheer irresponsibility! I feel like joining Quintus Servilius in his exile, I'm so ashamed." But the greater the fury Metellus Numidicus worked himself into, the harder Scaurus laughed. Finally, clutching his sides and looking at Metellus Numidicus through a curtain of tears, he managed to gasp, "Oh, stop behaving like an old Vestal confronted by a pair of hairy balls and a stiff prick! It is hilarious! And we deserve everything he's dished out to us!" Off he went again into a fresh convulsion; emitting a noise like a squeezed kitten, Metellus Numidicus stalked off.

Said Gaius Marius in a rare letter to Publius Rutilius Rufus, which its recipient got in September:

I know I ought to write more often, old friend, but the trouble is, I'm not a comfortable correspondent. Now your letters are like a piece of cork thrown to a drowning man, full of yourself as you are no frills, no fringes, no formality. There! I managed a little bit of style, but at what price you wouldn't believe. No doubt you've been going to the Senate to endure our Piggle-wiggle oink-oinking against the cost to the State of keeping up a Head Count army through a second year of inertia on the far side of the Alps? And how am I going to get myself elected to a fourth term as consul, for the third time in a row? That of course is what I have to do. Otherwise I lose everything I stand to gain. Because next year, Publius Rutilius, is going to be the year of the Germans. I know it in my bones. Yes, I admit I have no real basis yet for this feeling, but when Lucius Cornelius and Quintus Sertorius return, I am sure that is what they're going to say. I haven't heard from either of them since they came last year to bring me King Copillus. And though I'm glad my two tribunes of the plebs managed to convict Quintus Servilius Caepio, I'm still rather sorry I didn't have the chance to do the job myself, with Copillus testifying. Never mind. Quintus Servilius got his just reward. A pity however that Rome will never lay eyes on the Gold of Tolosa. It would have paid for many a Head Count army. Life goes on here much as always. The Via Domitia is now in mint condition all the way from Nemausus to Ocelum, which will make it a great deal easier for legions on the march in the future. It had been let go to ruin. Parts of it had not been touched since our new Pontifex Maximus's tata was through here nearly twenty years ago. Floods and frosts and the runoff from sudden cloudbursts had taken an awful toll. Of course it's not like building a new road. Once the stones are fitted into place in the roadbed, the base is there forever. But you can't expect men to march and wagons to roll and hooves to trot safely across the ups and downs of outsized cobbles, now can you? The top surface of sand and gravel and quarry dust has to be kept as smooth as an egg, and watered until it packs down like concrete. Take it from me, the Via Domitia at the moment is a credit to my men. We also built a new causeway across the Rhodanus marshes all the way from Nemausus to Arelate, by the way. And we've just about finished digging a new ship canal from the sea to Arelate, to bypass the swamps and mud flats and sandbars of the natural waterway. All the big Greek fish in Massilia are groveling with their noses pressed against my arse in thanks slimy gang of hypocrites they are! Gratitude hasn't caused any price cuts in whatever they sell my army, I note! In case you should come to hear of it and the story gets distorted as stories about me and mine always seem to I will tell you what happened with Gaius Lusius. You remember, my sister-in-law's sister's boy? Came to me as a tribune of the soldiers. Only it turned out that wasn't what he wanted to be of the soldiers. My provost marshal came to me two weeks ago with what he thought was going to be a very bad piece of personal news. Gaius Lusius had been found dead down in the rankers' barracks, split from gizzard to breadbasket by the neatest bit of sword work any commander could ask for from a ranker. The guilty soldier had given himself up nice young chap too finest type, his centurion told me. Turns out Lusius was a pansy and took a fancy to this soldier. And he kept on pestering, wouldn't let up. Then it became a joke in the century, with everyone mincing around flapping their hands and fluttering their eyelashes. The poor young ranker couldn't win. Result murder. Anyway, I had to court-martial the soldier, and I must say it gave me great pleasure to acquit him with praise, a promotion, and a purse full of money. There. Did it again, got in a bit of literary style. The business turned out well for me too. I was able to prove that Lusius wasn't a blood relation, first off. And in close second place, it was a chance for me to show the rankers that their general sees justice done as justice should be done, no favoritism for members of the family. I suppose there must be jobs a pansy can do, but the legions are no place for him, that's definite, eh, Publius Rutilius? Can you imagine what we'd have done to Lusius at Numantia? He wouldn't have got off with a nice clean death; he'd have been singing soprano. Though you grow up eventually. I'll never forget what a shock I got listening to some of the things that were said about Scipio Aemilianus at his funeral! Well, he never put the hard word on me, so I still don't know. Odd fellow, but I think these stories get around when men don't sire children. And that's about it. Oh, except I made a few changes in the pilum this year, and I expect my new version will become standard issue. If you've got any spare cash, go out and buy some shares in one of the new factories bound to spring up to make them. Or found a factory yourself as long as you own the building, the censors can't accuse you of unsenatorial practices, can they, now? Anyway, what I did was change the design of the junction between the iron shaft and the wooden shaft. The pilum is such an efficient piece of work compared to the old hasta-type spear, but there's no doubt they're a lot more expensive to make little properly barbed head instead of big leafy head, long iron shaft, and then a wooden shaft shaped to suit the throwing action instead of the old hasta broom handle. I've noticed over the years that the Enemy love to get their fingers on a pilum, so they deliberately provoke our green troops into throwing when there's no chance of hitting anything other than an Enemy shield. Then they either keep the pilum for another day, or they throw it back at us. What I did was work out a way of joining the iron shaft to the wooden shaft with a weak pin. The minute the pilum hits anything, the shafts break apart where they join, so the Enemy can't throw them back at us, or make off with them. What's more, if we retain the field at the end of a battle, the armorers can go round and pick up all the broken bits, and fix them together again. Saves us money because it saves us losing them, and saves us lives because they can't be thrown back at us by the Enemy. And that's definitely all the news. Write soon.