Colleen McCullough - 4. Caesar's Women

The Clodius Club was gathered in the big and beautiful house Fulvia's money had bought for Clodius right next door to the expensive insula of luxury apartments that represented his most lucrative investment. Everyone of genuine importance was there: the two Clodias, Fulvia, Pompeia Sulla, Sempronia Tuditani, Palla, Decimus Brutus (Sempronia Tuditani's son), Curio, young Poplicola (Palla's son), Clodius, and an aggrieved Mark Antony. "I wish I were Cicero," he was saying gloomily, "then I'd have no need to get married." "That sounds like a non sequitur to me, Antonius," said Curio, smiling. "Cicero's married, and to a shrew at that." "Yes, but he's so well known to be able to get people off at trial that they're even willing to 'lend' him five million," Antony persisted. "If I could get people off at trial, I'd have my five million without needing to marry." "Oho!" said Clodius, sitting up straighten "Who's the lucky little bride, Antonius?" "Uncle Lucius he's paterfamilias now because Uncle Hybrida won't have anything to do with us refuses to pay my debts. My stepfather's estate is embarrassed, and there's nothing left of what my father had. So I have to marry some awful girl who smells of the shop." "Who?" asked Clodius. "Her name's Fadia." "Fadia? I've never heard of a Fadia," said Clodilla, a very contented divorce these days. "Tell us more, Antonius, do!" The massive shoulders lifted in a shrug. "That's it, really. No one has ever heard of her." "Getting information out of you, Antonius, is like squeezing blood out of a stone," said Celer's wife, Clodia. "Who is Fadia?" "Her father's some filthy rich merchant from Placentia." "You mean she's a Gaul? gasped Clodius. Another man might have bridled defensively; Mark Antony merely grinned. "Uncle Lucius swears not. Impeccably Roman, he says. I suppose that means she is. The Caesars are experts on bloodlines." "Well, go on!" from Curio. "There's not much more to tell you. Old man Titus Fadius has a son and a daughter. He wants the son in the Senate, and decided the best way he can do that is to find a noble husband for the daughter. The son's ghastly, apparently, no one would have him. So I'm it." Antony flashed a smile at Curio, displaying surprisingly small but regular teeth. "You were nearly it, but your father said he'd prostitute his daughter before he'd consent." Curio collapsed, shrieking. "He should hope! Scribonia is so ugly only Appius Claudius the Blind would have been interested." "Oh, do shut up, Curio!" said Pompeia. "We all know about Scribonia, but we don't know about Fadia. Is she pretty, Marcus?" "Her dowry's very pretty." "How much?" asked Decimus Brutus. "Three hundred talents are the going price for the grandson of Antonius Orator!" Curio whistled. "If Fadius asked my tata again, I'd be glad to sleep wearing a blindfold! That's half as much again as Cicero's five million! You'll even have a bit left over after you've paid all your debts." "I'm not quite Cousin Gaius, Curio!" said Antony, chortling. "I don't owe more than half a million." He sobered. "Anyway, none of them are about to let me get my hands on ready cash. Uncle Lucius and Titus Fadius are drawing up the marriage agreements so that Fadia keeps control of her fortune." "Oh, Marcus, that's dreadful!" cried Clodia. "Yes, that's what I said straight after I refused to marry her on those terms," Antony said complacently. "You refused?" asked Palla, raddled cheeks working like a squirrel nibbling nuts. "Yes." And what happened then?'' "They backed down." "All the way?" "Not all the way, but far enough. Titus Fadius agreed to pay my debts and give me a cash settlement of a million besides. So I'm getting married in ten days' time, though none of you has been asked to the wedding. Uncle Lucius wants me to look pure." "No gall, no Gaul!" howled Curio. Everyone fell about laughing. The meeting proceeded merrily enough for some time, though nothing important was said. The only attendants in the room were poised behind the couch on which lay Pompeia together with Palla, and they both belonged to Pompeia. The younger was her own maid, Doris, and the elder was Aurelia's valued watchdog, Polyxena. Not one member of the Clodius Club was unaware that everything Polyxena heard would be reported faithfully to Aurelia once Pompeia returned to the Domus Publica, an annoyance of major proportions. In fact, there were many meetings held without Pompeia, either because the mischief being plotted was not for dissemination to the mother of the Pontifex Maximus, or because someone was proposing yet again that Pompeia be ejected. One good reason, however, had permitted Pompeia continued admission: there were times when it was useful to know that a rigid old pillar of society with a great deal of influence in that society was being fed information. Today Publius Clodius reached the end of his tether. "Pompeia," he said, voice hard, "that old spy behind you is an abomination! There's nothing going on here all of Rome can't know, but I object to spies, and that means I have to object to you! Go home, and take your wretched spy with you!" The luminous and amazingly green eyes filled with tears; Pompeia's lip trembled. "Oh, please, Publius Clodius! Please!" Clodius turned his back. "Go home," he said. An awkward silence fell while Pompeia bundled herself off her couch, into her shoes and out of the room, Polyxena following with her customary wooden expression, and Doris sniffling. "That was unkind, Publius," said Clodia after they had gone. "Kindness is not a virtue I esteem!" Clodius snapped. "She's Sulla's granddaughter!" "I don't care if she's Jupiter's granddaughter! I am sick to death of putting up with Polyxena!" "Cousin Gaius," said Antony, "is not a fool. You'll gain no access to his wife without someone like Polyxena present, Clodius." "I know that, Antonius!" "He's had so much experience himself," Antony explained with a grin. "I doubt there's a trick he doesn't know when it comes to cuckolding husbands." He sighed happily. "He's the north wind, but he does adorn our stuffy family! More conquests than Apollo." "I don't want to cuckold Caesar, I just want to be free of Polyxena!" snarled Clodius. Suddenly Clodia began to giggle. "Well, now that the Eyes and Ears of Rome have departed, I can tell you what happened at Atticus's dinner party the other evening." "That must have been exciting for you, Clodia dear," young Poplicola said. "Very prim and proper!" "Oh, absolutely, especially with Terentia there." "So what makes it worth mentioning?" Clodius asked grumpily, still incensed over Polyxena. Clodia's voice dropped, became fraught with significance. "I was seated opposite Cicero!" she announced. "How could you bear such ecstasy?" asked Sempronia Tuditani. "How could he bear such ecstasy, you mean!" All heads turned her way. "Clodia, he didn't!" cried Fulvia. "He certainly did," Clodia said smugly. "He fell for me as hard as an insula coming down in an earthquake." In front of Terentia?'' "Well, she was round the corner facing the lectus imus, so she had her back to us. Yes, thanks to my friend Atticus, Cicero slipped his leash." What happened?'' asked Curio, helpless with laughter. "I flirted with him from one end of the dinner to the other, that's what happened. I flirted outrageously, and he adored it! Not to mention me. Told me he didn't know there was a woman in Rome so well read. That was after I quoted the new poet, Catullus." She turned to Curio. "Have you read him? Glorious!" Curio wiped his eyes. "Haven't heard of him." "Brand new published by Atticus, of course. Comes from Italian Gaul across the Padus. Atticus says he's about to descend on Rome I can't wait to meet him!" "Back to Cicero," said Clodius, seeing Forum possibilities. "What's he like in the throes of love? I didn't think he had it in him, frankly." "Oh, very silly and kittenish," said Clodia, sounding bored. She rolled over on her back and kicked her legs. "Everything about him changes. The pater patriae becomes a Plautus ponce. That was why it was so much fun. I just kept prodding him to make a bigger and bigger fool of himself." "You're a wicked woman!" said Decimus Brutus. "That's what Terentia thought too." "Oho! So she did notice?" "After a while the whole room noticed." Clodia wrinkled up her nose and looked adorable. "The harder he fell for me, the louder and sillier he became. Atticus was almost paralyzed with laughter." She shivered theatrically. "Terentia was almost paralyzed with rage. Poor old Cicero! Why do we think he's old, by the way? To repeat, poor old Cicero! I don't imagine they were more than a foot from Atticus's door before Terentia was gnawing on his neck." "She wouldn't have been gnawing on anything else," purred Sempronia Tuditani. The howl of mirth which went up made the servants in Fulvia's kitchen at the far end of the garden smile such a happy house! Suddenly Clodia's merriment changed tenor; she sat up very straight and looked gleefully at her brother. Publius Clodius, are you game for some delicious mischief?" Is Caesar a Roman?''