Fannie Flagg - Standing in the Rainbow

The milkman, the iceman, and the bread man have already been there by 9:20 and Beatrice, the Little Blind Songbird, who sings on the show every day, has come over from next door. She and Mother Smith, who accompanies her on the small organ, go on into the living room to run through Beatrice's song. Dorothy and Princess Mary Margaret arrive for the broadcast around 9:25.

Princess Mary Margaret greets anyone else who is in the living room to see the show with a wagging tail and often jumps up and sits in some one's lap during the show. Or if she is not in the mood she gets into her basket under Dorothy's desk (many have remarked how the dog is much better trained than Bobby). Then Dorothy says hello to her guests and welcomes her live audience, usually people waiting to catch the bus or ladies from women's clubs. Dorothy sits down and runs over the format and her commercials for a last-minute check and looks out the window so she can give her radio audience the very latest weather update. At 9:30 on the dot the red light on the organ blinks, the on-air signal, and Mother Smith hits the first strains of the theme song, the show begins… and everyone in town and thereabouts is usually tuned in.

Today, fifteen miles outside of town Mrs. Elner Shimfissle, a large-boned farm woman with a plain but pleasant face, dipped her hand into a blue and-white speckled pan filled with Purina feed and threw it to the chickens in her yard. The chickens, mostly Rhode Island Reds, ran every which way with their heads down close to the ground, trying their best to beat all the other chickens to each grain. She wore a new green-checked apron over her somewhat faded floral-print dress and comfortable old lady white tie-up shoes.

She shielded her eyes from the sun and looked far out into the fields and saw her husband plowing behind the reins of their two black mules and called out, "Whoo hoo, Will!" The small man in the large straw hat stopped and waved back and then continued plowing. After she emptied the pan she walked over to the water pump and rinsed it out and hung it on a nail on the side of the house by the big tin washtub. She looked up at the sun again, wiped her hands on her apron, and guessed that it was getting to be about that time and went on back in the house. She had been up since four A.M. and had already done the milking, gathered the eggs, gotten her husband's breakfast, scrubbed the kitchen floor, done some washing, hung it up on the line, put a pair of overalls to soaking, killed a fryer, and put up sixteen jars of fig preserves. She figured she could afford to sit down and relax awhile and went over and poured herself a cup of coffee and got her pencil and pad ready to take down the receipts.

She turned on the radio it was always set on WDOT, the only station that comes in clear this far out and heard The. Neighbor Dorothy Show, the same program that she had been listening to for the past sixteen years.

It was the only show other than Gospel Time, L.S.A, the farm report, and the Grand Ole Opry that Mrs. Shimfissle listened to on a regular basis. And this morning Neighbor Dorothy started the show as she always did with a cheery, "Good morning, everybody, it's a pretty day over here in Elmwood Springs and I hope it's just as pretty where you are. We've got so many wonderful things to tell you about on the show this morning… so many special guests… that I can hardly contain myself. And sitting right here in the living room with me is somebody I know you are going to want to hear from. Mr. Milo Shipp, who has traveled all the way from New York City to tell us about his brand-new book, Hilltop in the Rain, and we can't wait to hear about that. And also we want to welcome our in-studio visitors.

"We have six ladies from the Claire De Lune Garden Club with us and they are headed all the way up to St. Louis for the big flower show later this morning' Mother Smith played a few strains of "Meet Me in St. Louis" and I know you all are going to have a big time up there. We have a good show for you today. Along with our regulars, Nurse Ruby Robinson and Beatrice, the Little Blind Songbird, who will be singing… what? "I'm in Love with the Man in the Moon'… and also on our musical menu this morning the Goodnight sisters have promised to drop by later to sing a song in honor of our out-of-town guest, entitled "My Sweetheart Went Down with the Ship." They say it's a sad song but it was the only one they could find with ship in the title.

"But before we get to our interview I want to say a big hello to one of my brand-new sponsors, Verna Clapp's original strained baby food, and we'll be talking a lot more about that a little later in the program.

First, just in case you're wondering what you are hearing, it's not your radio. Poor Tot's fox terrier got out again and that noise is coming from a box of twelve of the cutest puppies you have ever seen don you think so, Mr. Shipp? He says he does. "Mother Smith played a bar or two of "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window" and Dorothy laughed. "Well, they are absolutely free and all Tot wants is to find good homes for them. She says there are five boys and seven girls but not to hold her to it. We know who the mother is but she says she has no idea about the father. As far as I can tell from the look of them, I think the honors will go to that Airedale up the street, so come on by and get yourself one.

"Also, before I forget I wanted to mention how pleased we are with all the responses we are getting from all of you for the dessert cookbook. Mrs. Frances Cleverdon of Arden, Oklahoma, writes:

"Dear Neighbor Dorothy,

"I think your idea for a dessert cookbook is a good one and will gladly contribute my favorite in the line of a Nesselrode pudding."

"Thank you, Frances. And I see we have a few items on our swap-and shop segment this morning. Mrs. Irene Neffof Elkton writes to ask if there is anyone with a pair of size nine men's maroon felt house shoes with a black embroidered Indian on them and is willing to swap four tea towels for both or just the left one. Also Mrs. Claudia Graham of Blue Springs is looking for a Lady Esther face-powder box. She just wants the box not the powder, and will swap an Evening in Paris perfume bottle. But before we get to our interview and our songs, we have a winner in our What's the Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to You Contest and here it is."

Mother Smith played a fanfare.

"Dear Neighbor Dorothy,

"One day I scrubbed and scrubbed my kitchen sink but it would not come clean. It was then my daughter came in and asked why I was sprinkling Parmesan cheese in the sink. My husband took me for glasses the next day.

Signed, Mrs. Mina Fleet of Mount Sterling, Kentucky.

"So, congratulations! You have just won a five-pound sack of Golden Flake Flour, the flour that makes biscuits that make all your family say 'yummy." And I know just how you feel, Mina; I am headed for spectacles myself Now, what else did I have to pass along this morning? Oh, here it is. James Whooten has finished with the Whatleys' house and is available. He says you get the paint, I need the work, so call. What else did I have? What? Oh, Mother Smith said I forgot to give out the question of the week. I'm sorry, girls, Monday is such a busy dayI guess I'm a little rattled, so many exciting things happening. Now, where's the question? I know I had it."

The phone in the hall suddenly started ringing.

"Here it is, I found it. The question is, "What is your favorite cooking utensil and why?" Didn't we have that one before, Mother Smith? She says no, so I guess we didn't. And whoever is calling me on the phone is going to have to ring me back in thirty minutes because I'm on the air. Call back after ten." The phone stopped ringing.

"Pardon me a second, girls." Dorothy put her hand over the microphone.

"Bobby! Put that back in the kitchen where you found it right now!"