Fannie Flagg - Standing in the Rainbow

"That's right, she says it's so easy to keep clean, just give it a swipe with a wet cloth. Everyone says this is the furniture of the future and I believe them! Once Norma gets her new red-and-white linoleum down, her kitchen is going to be the showplace of the Midwest!"

Macky and Norma had only been married for a little under four months but Norma was thoroughly enjoying her new role as wife and homemaker.

She was so pleased with the way their little house was coming along, particularly her new kitchen, which she kept as spotless and polished as Macky kept their new Nash Rambler. Their first Christmas as a married couple was coming up in a few weeks and Norma made a momentous decision. After talking it over with Macky, she called her mother with the exciting news.

"Hello," Ida said.

"Mother, guess what? This year I want everybody to come to our house for Christmas dinner!"

"Who's everybody?"

"You, Daddy… the Warrens, Aunt Gerta, Uncle Lodor, Aunt Elner, and Uncle Will. The whole family, won't that be fun?"

Ida weighed her words carefully. "That's very sweet of you, dear, but I don't think you have thought this through."

"Yes, I have."

"Norma, how are you going to serve dinner for that many people? You don't have a buffet table."

"Easy, it doesn't have to be all that formal. I'll just put everything out on the counter in the kitchen and everybody can get their plates and come in and serve themselves sort of casual like. Macky said he could set up card tables in the living room and we can throw sheets over them."

There were not enough words in the English language to describe just how much Ida Jenkins did not want to eat a meal off a card table covered with a sheet but she sensed how much it meant to Norma. She held on to the telephone table for support and said, "Fine dear, if that's what you want to do, I'm sure it will be lovely."

After everybody Norma had invited to Christmas dinner said they would come, it suddenly occurred to her that she had never cooked for more than two people. Cooking for ten might not be as easy as it sounded and she wanted it to be perfect. She called Neighbor Dorothy, who then helped her plan her menu, right down to the last morsel. To make sure there would be no mistakes, she wrote out a list of exactly what time she was to put things in the oven, exactly what time they were to come out, when to start the potatoes, how long to cook the roast beef, how many minutes to cook the gravy, and when to heat up the four cans of English peas and when to warm the rolls.

Norma spent almost the entire next week in the kitchen, rehearsing everything she was to do. One day she spent making sure all her timers worked, with everything in the right place, ready to go. She had decided to empty the peas into a covered dish on Christmas Eve and throw the cans away. It was cheating, she knew, but she also knew what her mother would say if she by any chance saw the cans. She had heard it a hundred times. "Norma, only hoboes and derelicts eat out of a can." Macky came in and watched her setting timers, walking back and forth from the oven to the counter to the refrigerator with her list, pretending to carry things and talking to herself. She looked so intense he felt sorry for her and asked, "Can I do anything to help?"

She looked at him. "Yes. Keep everybody out of the kitchen, especially Mother. I'm going to be nervous enough as it is without having her in here staring at me and getting in my way. Just keep them entertained until I come out and say, "Dinner's ready, come and get it."

"Dinner's ready, come and get it?"

"I might not say those exact words, I may say "Time to eat' or something like that but when I do, have everybody get up, get their plate off the table, and come on in but not before that."

"O.K."

"Just pray I don't burn anything or drop something."

"What if you do? It's not the end of the world, it's just a dinner."

"Just a dinner?" She looked at him in utter disbelief "Just a dinner? Is that what you think after I have gone to all this trouble so we can have our first Christmas in our own home?"

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean, so what if you do mess it up, nobody cares."

"Nobody cares?"

Macky realized he was digging a hole for himself and tried to get out.

"But you won't mess it up. Everything will turn out just great."

"Well, that's easy for you to say. You try cooking for ten people."

Saturday, a full week before the dinner was to take place, Norma cleaned the house from top to bottom. When Macky came home that afternoon she met him at the door with a scrub brush. "Macky, do not sit on the sofa or the chairs, or walk on the rug, and try not to use the bathroom."

Still a newlywed, Macky was learning the hard way that when Norma was nervous about something, it was best not to try and reason with her.

December twenty-first was an especially busy day. Dorothy baked fifteen dozen gingerbread men to have at the house for the holidays, Bobby was pulling down all the Christmas decorations from the closets, and Betty Raye and Mother Smith were making gumdrop trees out of toothpicks for the dining room table. At about five-thirty Doc walked in the door carrying a huge peppermint candy cane, his cheeks a little flushed from the cold and the two paper cups of pretty potent eggnog he had just drunk. Before coming home he had joined Ed and the gang down at the barbershop for a little pre-Christmas cheer, as he did every year, and he was in every sense in high spirits. In a few days Anna Lee would be home for Christmas and tonight they were going downtown to pick out their tree.

He went in the kitchen and handed Dorothy the candy cane, saying, "Ho, ho, ho." She laughed and said, "Ho, ho, ho, yourself" After dinner Dorothy made Bobby put on his leather cap with the flaps and the whole family, including Betty Raye and Jimmy, walked down to the vacant lot behind the church. The Civitan Club had run a string of white lights around the area and was holding its annual Christmas tree sale. The cold air was filled with the scent of pine, and the old familiar smells of Christmas put Doc in even higher spirits. Gene Autry was singing "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on the small radio Merle had on in the shed as Doc walked around looking for just the right tree. He stopped and picked up several and shook them and continued walking up and down the aisles. "What do you think, Dorothy, should we get a big one or a little one?"

Bobby said, "Let's get a big one."

"What do you think, Mother Smith?" asked Dorothy.

"Oh, I think since Anna Lee is coming home it would be nice to have a big one this year."

They all continued to walk through the lot looking at all the different kinds of trees. Some were flocked in odd colors this year. At one point Doc heard Mother Smith talking to Dorothy over in the next row.

"Why would anyone in their right mind want a pink Christmas tree?"

"Oh, I suppose it's modern. Maybe some people want a change," said Dorothy.

"Well, there's modern and there's ugly, if you ask me."

The search went on, as Doc backed up and scrutinized each tree that might be a likely candidate. Nothing had caught his eye so far, until he spied a large blue spruce still wrapped in rope lying on the ground.

He pulled it up and was examining it when Fred Haygood, one of the Civitans, asked Doc if he would like him to cut it loose for him. Doc said he would and after it was cut Fred shook it out and banged it up and down so Doc could get a better look at it. The tree was about eight feet tall and full and had a good shape. Doc said, "This is a nice one, don't you think?"

Fred offered his expert, considered opinion. "Yep, this would make you a pretty tree."