Fannie Flagg - Standing in the Rainbow

"And now to the big news of the day… " Dorothy picked up the letter with the good news and beamed with pride. "You know, usually we don't like to blow our own horn but we are all so excited we can hardly contain ourselves, so we just had to tell you about it". Mother Smith played a fanfare on the organ. "Yesterday it was announced that Doc has won the Rexall Pharmacist of the Year Award for proficiency in dispensing drugs for the second year in a row. And he's to receive it in person at this year's Southeastern Pharmaceutical Convention in Memphis and I plan to be right there to see him get it. So if you are listening at the drugstore, Doc, we are mighty proud of you."

Down at the Rexall, Thelma and Bertha Ann, the two gals in the pink-and-white uniforms who worked behind the soda fountain, had the radio sitting on the shelf behind them. Thelma was washing a glass banana-split dish and Bertha Ann was making the egg salad for the lunch crowd when they heard the news. They both stopped what they were doing and whistled and clapped and yelled to the back, "Yeah! Whoopee! Great going, Doc. Congratulations! Our hero!" Doc, who had just finished filling a prescription, handed a customer a bottle of paregoric for her baby who was teething. When she asked Doc what had happened, he said, embarrassed, "Oh nothing, those two are just acting crazy. You know how they are… just silly." He continued, "Now you don't need much, just a few drops in a glass of water, and that should do the trick."

After she left Doc walked over to the soda fountain shaking his finger in mock anger. "You girls, what am I going to do with you two?"

They laughed. Bertha Ann said, "That's what you get for not telling us."

He sat down on a stool. "I guess I'm just going to have to put a muzzle on that wife of mine."

But he was secretly pleased. "Fix me a lemon ice-cream soda, will you, Bertha, and fix something for yourselves. Now that the cat's out of the bag we might as well celebrate."

Meanwhile, back on the show Dorothy made another announcement.

"The other winner today of our What Is the Biggest Surprise You Ever Had Contest was sent to us by Mrs. Sally Sockwell of Hot Springs, Arkansas. She writes, "Last year I lost the diamond out of my ring and I was so despondent because my husband, now deceased, had bought it for me when we were first married and now both were gone forever. So you can imagine my joy and surprise three weeks later when, frying an egg, I noticed something shiny in the white part and lo and behold it was my lost diamond. One of my hens must have pecked it out when I was collecting eggs. The Lord works in mysterious ways." Yes, he does, Mrs. Sockwell, and thank heavens you weren't making an omelette or you might never have seen it.

"And speaking of missing objects, Leona Whatley called in and said that someone must have sold her sweater and purse at the school rummage sale. She says she put them down on a table for just a second and when she turned around they were missing. So whoever bought a blue woman's beaded sweater and a black purse with a small box of Kleenex that had not been opened inside please call Leona, as she would like to buy them back. We have a lot more coming up on the show this morning.

Beatrice is going to be singing one of your favorites, Tm Forever Blowing Bubbles." And yes, unfortunately, it's that time of year again. Next Saturday down at the Elmwood Theater they are having the annual Bazooka Bubble Gum Bubble Blowing Contest… well that's a mouthful so mothers, get ready. I know Bobby is about to drive us insane over at our house pop pop, pop, chew, chew, chew, night and day. Also don't forget every Wednesday night is dish night at the Elmwood Theater, so go on down… and let's see… do we have anything else I'm forgetting, Mother?"

Mother Smith played a few strains of the funeral march and pointed to ajar on the desk. "Oh, that's right, thank you, Mother Smith. Last week we told you about a new instant coffee but we will have to take it off our list of recommendations, and I am just as sorry as I can be about it but it's just not up to snuff, as they say, is it, Mother Smith? She says no and made a face but as I say to all my sponsors, keep trying because we are behind you one hundred percent.

"And remember our motto: If at first you don't succeed, try again".

Unfortunately for Bobby, his mother's motto was one he was to hear from her firsthand the very next week, when he dragged in the door having lost the Bazooka Bubble Gum Bubble Blowing Contest for the second year in a row. It didn't help him feel much better. He had practiced long and hard until his jaws were sore but he came in sixth. Rats, he thought. Everybody in the family is always winning something but me.

Doc was home for lunch and Dorothy stood by the kitchen table waiting for an opinion about the new hat she had just bought for their upcoming trip to Memphis. He studied the object perched on her head for a long moment and then said, "Oh, I don't know, Dorothy. As far as hats go, I've seen worse."

"Well, thanks a lot," she said.

Mother Smith jumped in and offered, "I like it," and gave her son a dirty look.

Dorothy blinked hopefully. "Really?"

"Oh, yes, it's very stylish. Don't ask him. He doesn't know anything about hats."

Doc readily agreed. "That's right. Don't ask me. I can't tell one from the other."

"Honestly," said Dorothy, "I don't know why I go to so much trouble if you don't know the difference. I could just stick a pot on my head for all you care."

When she left the room Mother Smith said, "Now you've done it."

Doc shrugged. "Well, they all do look alike, only this one looks like a pancake with some fruit and a dead bird on top." Beatrice Woods, who was sitting at the table, laughed. Doc leaned over and spoke under his breath. "Count yourself lucky you can't see it. You wouldn't know whether to shoot it or eat it."

After Doc had gone back to the drugstore they all sat around the table talking about the upcoming trip. Dorothy sighed. "I just wish I could lose ten pounds before I go."

Mother Smith said, "I just wish I was eighteen again and knew what I know now."

Dorothy said, "What would you do differently?"

"Oh," she said, "I'd marry the same man and have a child, of course, but I would have waited awhile before I did it… maybe been a bachelor girl like Ann Sheridan or a career woman and had my own secretary, smoked cigars, and used bad language."

Dorothy and Beatrice laughed and Dorothy said, "Beatrice, if you could have any wish come true, what would it be?"

Beatrice, whose favorite radio show was the Armchair Traveler, thought for a moment. "I would wish I could get in a car and drive all over the world and never stop."

Dorothy reached over and touched her hand. "Would you, honey?"

"Oh yes," she said. "Wouldn't that be fun?"

"It sure would," said Mother Smith and quickly changed the subject.

She could see that Dorothy was about to get emotional. What was doubly heartbreaking about Beatrice was that even though being blind had limited her life, she did not have an ounce of self-pity and they had to be sure she never heard any in their voices. And it was especially hard when the thing she wished for could never come true.

A week later, the old adage about the boy who cried wolf once too often came true for Bobby when he woke up and claimed he couldn't go to school that day because he had broken out all over in big red spots.

Dorothy knew this was the day of a big math test that he had probably not studied for. Last year at this time he had claimed his leg was broken. The year before it was appendicitis. So she sent Anna Lee to his room for the third time with a simple message. "Mother says if you're not up and dressed and out the door in five minutes you'll wish you had spots."