Roddy Doyle - Paddy Clarke, Ha Ha Ha

It was my ma. She wasn’t holding her shoulder or anything.

– A drink of water.

It was daylight out still, too early for fighting. I wanted to say Sorry, for being there. My ma filled my mug at the sink. It was Sunday.

My da spoke.

– How’s the match going?

– They’re winning, I said.

The Big Match was on and Liverpool were beating Arsenal. I was up for Liverpool.

– Great, he said.

I’d been coming in to tell him, as well as getting the drink of water.

I took the mug from my ma.

– Thank you very much.

And I went back in and watched Liverpool winning. I cheered when the final whistle got blown but no one came in to look.

He didn’t slam the door even a bit. I saw him in the glass, waiting; then he was gone.

I knew something: tomorrow or the day after my ma was going to call me over to her and, just the two of us, she was going to say, -You’re the man of the house now, Patrick.

That was the way it always happened.

– Paddy Clarke -

Paddy Clarke -

Has no da.

Ha ha ha!

I didn’t listen to them. They were only kids.

He came home the day before Christmas Eve, for a visit. I saw him through the glass door again. He was wearing his black coat. I remembered the smell of it when I saw it, when it was wet. I opened the door. Ma stayed in the kitchen; she was busy.

He saw me.

– Patrick, he said.

He moved the parcels he had with him under one arm and put his hand out.

– How are you? he said.

He put his hand out for me to shake it.

– How are you?

His hand felt cold and big, dry and hard.

– Very well, thank you.

[1]Isn’t it lovely?

[2]Yes.

[3]Stick.

[4]Stand up.

[5]Left – right – left right – left -

[6]Sit down.

[7]Yes.

[8]Hello / God be with you.

[9]Toilet.

[10]Now.

[11]Stand up.

[12]Silence.

[13]Yes.

[14]Have I permission to go to the toilet?

[15]No.

[16]Every morning.

[17]Irish books.

[18]One.

[19]Sambo in Africa.

[20]Good for you.

[21]Eejit.

[22]Good.

[23]Bags.

[24]Now.

[25]Left right.