Robert Pirsig - Lila. An Inquiry Into Morals

He never talked straight, but she could tell he was picking on her in his mind all the time for things she said. Trying to treat her so nice. He always wanted to know what she thought but he’d never tell her what he thought. Always playing around the edges. That’s what she couldn’t stand. She never should have told him that stuff about nerds like him. That’s what did it. Nerds like him couldn’t stand to hear that.

She knew how to handle people like him. They’re not hard to live with. All you have to do is let them talk. You’ve got to build someone like him up all the time or they get rid of you. She’d probably be going on the boat to Florida tomorrow if she’d kept her mouth shut. She could have taken care of him whenever he wanted it. Jamie didn’t mind. Jamie didn’t care who she slept with. Everybody could have been happy.

Jamie didn’t like the Captain either. Jamie always knew what people were thinking. If somebody thought he was going to make trouble for Jamie, Jamie had him all figured out.

A black witch on a broom looked at her through a display window. It was almost Halloween time.

She didn’t know this part of the city. If she’d ever been here before, she’d forgotten it. Or maybe it had changed so much she didn’t recognize it. Everything was always changing here. Except the big buildings.

When she first came here she used to think there was somebody up in those big buildings who knows what’s going on here. They would never come down and talk to her. After a while she found out nobody knows what’s going on.

Why wouldn’t Jamie even give her his address? He acted so different. Something was wrong. She didn’t like that friend of his. Maybe it was just the Captain being there.

She had never been on this street before. There was something about it she didn’t like. It didn’t look dangerous, just grungy. Jamie always told her, Look around, and if you don’t see any women walking by themselves, watch out! But there was an old lady with a dog farther up the street… So, if the Captain was all done with her, that was nothing new… She was used to that. She’d find something… She always landed on her feet.

A little shop had some bottles in the windows and dirt and junk. She always thought they were going to fix things up some day around here but nobody ever fixes anything. It just gets worse and worse.

An old church had a padlock on the doors and a sign saying it was closed. The sign was all faded so it must have been closed for a long time. In a wooden box under the window all the plants were dead. It didn’t look like her grandfather’s church. Her grandfather’s church was bigger and it wasn’t in a dirty city like this.

She’d get a room for a while, a few days maybe, and then look around. That sounded good. She didn’t want to go back on the street. It wasn’t worth it. Jamie said not to do it, and he knows. He said it was too dangerous. It isn’t like it used to be.

She didn’t like this street.

She could always get a job waitressing. She knew how to do that. Then after a while something better would turn up. If she tried to think that way it would make her feel better. But first she had to find some place to stay.

She walked for block after block. She kept an eye out for room signs, but didn’t see any.

She passed a big hole in the street with orange and white stands around it to keep people away. There was steam coming out of the hole. A man with a cement sack was staring at her. He wasn’t going to do anything. Just staring.

She started to read the writing on all the other signs. Leave Fire Lane for Emergency Vehicles… Snow Route… No Standing During Emergency… Vehicles Towed, Moving $9.95 An Hour… Painting. Get Free Estimates. 10% off…

Maybe the signs would tell her what was going on… Drugs Rally… They meant no drugs rally … Irving’s Pantry Deli… Greyer Butcher Block… Clothes Closet King… Audio breakthroughs… We Sell Kosher and Non-Kosher Foods… Natural Health Food store. 20% Off All Vitamins…

Behind an iron fence was a tree with red-orange berries. She remembered a tree like that in her back yard. She used to pick the berries but they were never any good for anything. What’s it doing here? The big steel fence kept people from picking the berries. If she tried to go over there they’d throw her out. Some pigeons were there under the trees… The pigeons could be there but she couldn’t.

Somebody got inside the iron fence and did spray paint all over the wall. She could never figure out what all that writing said. It looked like just names or something. But they write it so funny you can’t see what they’re trying to write. They never say Fuck You or anything. They just write these strange things like there’s something they know that nobody else knows… Driver… Electric Company… Keep Driveway Clear… One Way… They never tell you what you want they only tell you what they want…

Some words in Hebrew on a wall. Napoli Pizza . Franklin Cleaners. Since 1973… Police Line. Do Not Cross Blue Lines. Police Department… A lot of barbed wire on the buildings. There didn’t used to be all that barbed wire on the buildings. There didn’t used to be all that barbed wire.

There is a guy lying on the sidewalk. Some people are walking by him without looking at him…

Personal Touch. Fine Laundering And Dry Cleaning. Hotels, Hospitals and Clubs… Athens Plumbing and Heating… Hilarious Non-Stop Laughter. I Couldn’t Stop Laughing — McGillicudy, New York Times. Winner Tony Award.

Lots of plastic bags were lying around… One Way… They never tell you what you want they only tell you what they want…

These shoes hurt. This street was getting worse. Sidewalks were coming apart here. They’re all broken and slanting so that if she didn’t watch out she’d turn an ankle. She could fall on all that broken glass. The glass was from an empty window where it looked like somebody had tried to break in.

It was beginning to get cold.

She should be doing something different than this. What was she doing here? Something was wrong that she should be living like this. She should be somewhere better.

She crossed a street and when she looked down it, it looked like there was water down there. That must be the river, she thought.

She decided to get a cab. She still had to get to the boat and get her suitcase off before it got dark. It was too far to walk. Already her legs felt worn out. She hadn’t walked this far in a long time. A cab would cost a lot but there wasn’t anything else to do. If only she hadn’t bought these dumb shirts.

But when she came to a corner she saw a restaurant sign down across the street at the other end of the block. That looked really good. She could rest and get something to eat and call a cab from there.

When she looked through the restaurant window she saw that the menu was expensive. The tables inside had cloths on them and cloth napkins.

Oh, what the hell, she thought. It was time to celebrate something. Being through with the Captain, maybe.

Inside it wasn’t crowded. A little old lady waitress was laying out napkins on the other side of the room. She saw Lila and gave her a little smile and came over slowly and showed her to a table by the window.

At the table Lila sat down. It felt really good to sit down.

The waitress asked her if she would care for anything to drink before eating.

I’ll have a scotch and soda, Lila said. No, make that a Johnnie Walker Black and soda, she smiled. The waitress didn’t seem to have much expression. She went off to the bar.

The street out the window looked like some of the streets in Rochester. It was old, without many people on it. In some dirt by the gutter under an old fire escape a cat walked slowly, looking for something. It pawed the dirt first to one side and then to the other. It couldn’t seem to find what it was looking for.