Robert Pirsig - Lila. An Inquiry Into Morals

She wondered where the Karma was now. And George and Debbie. He was probably still shacked up with her! She hoped they’d both drown. She didn’t even ask for her money back. She knew they wouldn’t give it to her.

She should have asked for it, though. She really needed it. She was getting that old feeling again. It meant trouble. She always got into trouble when she got mad. If she hadn’t got mad at George and Debbie she’d be on the Karma right now. She could have got George back. That was dumb to get mad at him. That just made things worse.

And now she was mad at this new Captain. She was mad at everybody these days. What was the purpose of that? There wasn’t anything really wrong with him. He was just a dumbbell, that was all. All those dumb questions about Richard. She wondered why Richard had anything to do with him. Probably just someone he met and she thought they were good friends.

Maybe Richard would be in New York when they got there.

Anyway she was stuck with this Captain now. At least until New York, or wherever they were going to stay tonight. She could stand him that long.

She might need him when they got to New York.

She watched him for a while over the top of the stairway. He looked like a school teacher, she thought, the kind that never liked her. Like someone who was always getting mad at her for doing something she shouldn’t. He looked like he’d been frowning about her for a long time.

She had to get out of these bad feelings. She knew what would happen to her if she didn’t. She ought to try going up one more time. She didn’t have to look at him. She could just sit there.

She watched the Captain for a while longer then braced herself, put on a smile, climbed the stairs to the deck and sat down again.

There, that wasn’t so hard.

She brought her sweater with her and now she stood up to put it on. It’s gotten cool, she said.

We’re lucky it isn’t any colder, the Captain said. At this time of year we can’t count on anything any more.

It’s the wind, he added. Watch out for the boom. The winds are fluky in river valleys like this.

Where are we? she asked.

We’re south of Poughkeepsie, he said. It’s getting a little more industrial now. You can see some mountains up ahead.

I was watching you, she said.

When?

Just now.

Oh.

You frown a lot. You were talking to yourself a lot. That’s the way Morris was.

Who’s Morris?

A friend of mine. He would just sit for hours and not say a word and I’d think he was really mad at me and he wasn’t mad at all. Some men are like that. He was just thinking about something else.

Yes, that’s the way I am too.

After a while she saw there was all sorts of stuff floating in the water. She saw some branches and what looked like grass and there was foam all around it.

What’s all that in the water? she asked.

It’s from the hurricane, he said. We seem to hit thick patches of it and then it thins out for a while.

It looks awful, Lila said.

They were talking about it back in Castleton, he added. They said everything’s been coming down the river. Trees, garbage cans, old picnic benches. A lot of it’s half-submerged… One of the reasons I’m using the sails is so we don’t hit anything with the propeller.

He pointed up ahead. When we get to the mountain up there the wind will probably start doing funny things. We’ll have to stop sailing and run the engine. Where he pointed, the river seemed to run right into some mountains. At a turn called World’s End, he added.

A few minutes went by and then she saw that far ahead, by a branch or something sticking up out of the water, it looked like some animal was floating with its feet up.

They got closer and she saw it was a dog. It was all swelled up and it was on its side with two of its feet up in the air.

She didn’t say anything.

The Captain didn’t say anything either.

Later, after they got by it, she could smell it and she knew he could smell it too.

These rivers are like sewers, the Captain said. They take all the debris and poisons from the land and carry them out to sea.

What poisons?

Salts and chemicals. If you irrigate land without drainage it loads up with poisons and becomes dead. Nothing grows. The rivers keep the land clean and fresh. All of this debris is on the same journey we are.

Where? What do you mean?

To the ocean.

Oh… Well, we’re just going to New York, she said.

The Captain didn’t say anything.

How soon will we be there? Lila asked.

Tomorrow, unless something goes wrong, the Captain answered. Are you in a hurry?

No, Lila said. She really didn’t have to get there at all. She really didn’t know anybody to stay with except Jamie and some of the others but that was so long ago they were probably all gone by now.

She asked, Is your buyer going to be there?

What buyer?

For your boat.

Not me. I’m going to Florida. Florida? Lila wondered. She said, I thought you said you were going to sell your boat in New York.

Not me.

You said so last night.

Not me, the Captain said. It was Rigel. I’m going to Florida. You must have heard me wrong.

Ohhhh, Lila said, I thought Richard was going to Florida.

No… I want to get south of Cape Hatteras before the end of the month, the Captain said, but everything seems to slow me down. The fall storms are in now and these could pin the boat down for days.

Florida, Lila thought. In Florida the light was always golden orange and everything looked different. Even the light on the sand was different in Florida. She remembered the beach at Fort Lauderdale and the palm trees and the warm sand under her towel and the hot sun on her back. That was so good.

You’re going to go all by yourself? she asked.

Sure.

With no food?

I’ll get food.

In Florida there were all kinds of good food. Good seafood — pompano, shrimp and snapper. She sure could go for some of that now. Oh, she shouldn’t think about it!

You need a cook, she said. You don’t cook. You need someone to cook.

I get along, he said.

Once she went shrimp fishing at night under a bridge with lights and afterward they all cooked the shrimp and took it to the beach and drank cold beer and there was more than anyone could eat. Oh, they were good. She could remember how soft and warm the wind was and they were all so stuffed and they laid down under the palm trees and they drank rum-and-Coke and they talked and they all made love all night long until the sun came up over the ocean. She wondered where they were now, those guys. She’d probably never see them again.

And the boats, she thought, the boats were everywhere.

How long will it take you? she asked.

A long time, he said. A month maybe.

That’s a long time… How long have you been sailing like this?

Since August eleventh.

Are you retired?

I’m a writer, he said.

What do you write about?

Traveling, mostly, I guess, he said. I go places and see things and think about what I see and then I write about that. There are lots of writers who do that.

You mean you would write about what we’re seeing right now?