Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

“You can’t let them drive you away like that, Jess. They should be ashamed of themselves, gossiping like that. How un-Christianly of them.”

“Tell me about it-but I’m not about to subject myself to that kind of torture just so they can learn a lesson. Besides, I can’t stay. My tuition isn’t paid up.”

“Oh, right.” Angie took a box from the stack and began to tape it together. “So wait a minute. Tell me again what your mom thinks she has?”

“The cellular memory thing, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

Jessie let out a scoff. “Yeah, get this: she thinks she’s, like, becoming her donor or something like that.”

“What?”

“Supposedly there’s this thing that happens to some people when they get a transplant. They start taking on the characteristics of their donor. So she thinks all this weird stuff that’s been happening to her, all these changes in her personality and everything, are because of her heart donor.” She wiggled her fingers and rolled her eyes. “Like she’s in some episode of Star Trek or something.”

“You don’t think it’s possible?”

“Possible? I don’t know – maybe. Anything is possible, right? But I went onto this transplant forum that she joined so I could look around and see what other people said about this sort of thing.” She left out the fact that she’d originally joined to snoop on her mother, which had backfired since Savannah turned out to be more of a lurker than a poster. What few things she’d written hadn’t provided Jessie with the insights she’d hoped for. “And no one else mentions it. I mean, this is an international forum, you’d think there’d be some big discussions if it were common – or even credible. But there’s nothing there. So personally, I think she’s using it as an excuse. She’s drained their savings, she’s run away from her family, she’s destroyed the ministry – I think she’s just looking for something she can blame it on.”

“But doing all those things wouldn’t be like your mom, right? Something has to be driving her to do this stuff.”

Jessie’s hands went to her hips. “Seriously? You’re defending her?”

“I’m just saying there has to be some reason, because the Savannah Trover I know wouldn’t have done all those things.”

“Yeah, see, that’s the thing.” Jessie dropped a stack of books into a box. “Everyone thinks they know what Savannah Trover is like. They think she’s some spiritual powerhouse, all goodness and light. I’ve told you a million times how rotten our relationship is, how critical she is, how selfish-and she still managed to pull the wool over your eyes. I feel like I’m the only person on the planet who sees her for what she is. Even after all the crap she’s pulled and the ways she’s screwed up our family, Dad’s still defending her and insisting it’s not all her fault. Whatever.” She swiped at the tears that had formed in her eyes and pulled another handful of books from the shelves. “As far as why she’s doing this stuff- I don’t know. But I’m not surprised.”

Angie gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Jess. I don’t know what to say.”

Jessie rubbed her eyes with the end of her sleeve. “That’s alright. Just… don’t cross over to the dark side and start trying to convince me she’s not at fault here. I don’t have anyone I can lean on any-more-not my dad, not Adam…” The mention of Adam crumbled her already fragile emotional state. “I still can’t believe he broke up with me. I thought he loved me.”

Angie’s arm went around her shoulder as she began to cry. “I’m so sorry, Jess. I really am.”

“And oh my gosh-how glad am I that we never slept together!”

Angie chuckled. “No kidding.”

Jessie accepted the tissue Angie pulled from the box on her desk and mopped her tears. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I’m glad you came down – though I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“That’s why I came, duh.”

Jessie sniffed and chuckled through her tears. “True. Well, just a couple more days and I’ll be out of here. And who knows, maybe I’ll join you up in Denver someday soon.”

“You’re gonna transfer?”

“I don’t know.” Jessie shrugged. “But I’m not living at home for long. That’s for sure.”

SAVANNAH’S CELL RANG AS SHE was taking another bite of the strawberry cheesecake she’d made for that night’s dessert. Seeing Shaun’s name made her groan aloud. Definitely not someone she wanted to talk to right now. She tried to hit a button to send it to voicemail, but her finger slipped and hit the talk button instead.

“Oh crap,” she muttered, picking it up. “Hello?”

“Savannah, we need to talk.”

“Look, Shaun, I’m just getting ready for bed, how about-”

“Adam broke up with Jessie because we’re closing A &A.”

“What? That little fink! That’s ridiculous!”

“Well, I agree, but he did it anyway. Jessie is in a really bad place, and I think you need to talk to her.”

“Me?” She laughed “Shaun, I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to hear from.”

“She needs to know you’re on her side.”

“If she needs to know that, then why hasn’t she called? I find it hard to believe she actually wants to talk to me. She never does.”

“That’s because she’s learned she’s not as important to you as other things are.”

“That’s also ridiculous.”

“Is it? Ever since you started A &A she’s been a second priority at best. She knows it and she’s tired of it. She… she actually asked me to leave you.”

“Leave me-like, divorce me? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“The way she sees it, you’ve left us already-emotionally before, and physically now.”

Savannah couldn’t believe it was really that bad. Yes, she and Jessie had trouble connecting, but certainly she knew Savannah loved her. “Well, I hope you set her straight.”

“I tried, yes. But honestly, Savannah, I don’t know what to think anymore. You’re avoiding us, you haven’t said a thing about coming home any time soon, even though Thanksgiving is in a week-”

“Wait a minute. Are you actually siding with her?”

“I’m just saying I don’t see how we can keep up our marriage through this trial when you’re running away and you aren’t even you anymore.”

The air disappeared from her lungs. She slumped against the wall, thoughts spinning, until she grabbed onto one that gave her a rebuttal. “Well, since we’re just laying it all out there-explain what you were doing with the reimbursement forms from the last tour.”

His response came a beat too late. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You listed receipts on my form that weren’t from our trip.”

“No, I didn’t. Maybe that’s a cellular memory, too. Was Charlie an accountant?”

“That’s bunk, Shaun, and you know it. Marisa witnessed it, too.”

“Obviously she was mistaken – and why was she snooping around in my office? That alone would make me question whatever it was she told you. Obviously she was bitter about something and trying to make trouble for me.”

“Shaun Michael Trover, you are a bald-faced liar.”

“Enough of this. I need to go find Jessie and try to help her deal with the fact that her almost-fiance dumped her-something her mother should be doing.” The line went dead before Savannah could cry foul.

She was too shocked for tears. Her daughter wanted her out of her life. Her husband was lying, obviously, about something. Both of them were blaming her for the collapse of their worlds.

But could she really blame them?

She sat, frozen on the bed, until a wind kicked up outside and sent something flying into the window. The sharp sound scared her; she jumped and clutched a hand to her chest, where her heart galloped in fear. The adrenaline wouldn’t back down, though. She had too much to be afraid of.