Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

After finishing their business, Marisa gave Savannah an almost shy look. “I wanted to talk to you about something-but I feel badly bringing it up.”

She groaned inside. “Why? What is it?”

“Well…” Marisa plucked invisible lint from her skirt. “I’m feeling really conflicted about something. Normally I’d come straight to you to hash it out, but my frustrations feel so petty compared to what you’re going through.”

Savannah let out a genuine laugh. “Marisa, I can’t tell you how nice it would be to think about someone else’s problems for a while. Not that I’m glad you’ve got them, of course. But seriously, your issues are no less important to you just because I’ve got my own thing going on. Spill it.”

Marisa chuckled. “Okay, good.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly before starting. “Well, here’s the deal. The time I was in New York with Jeremy was amazing. I never thought I’d love that city, but I’m really starting to. And things with Jeremy… they’re so wonderful when we’re actually in the same time zone. This long-distance thing is really starting to get hard.” She stilled her fidgety hands in her lap and finally made eye contact with Savannah. “He wants to marry me.”

Savannah smiled. “That’s wonderful! Right?”

Marisa smiled, looking slightly less nervous. “Yes, it’s wonderful. But definitely not doable while we’re still so far apart. Neither of us can just up and transfer our jobs. I could find work out there, but I don’t want to just leave you and A &A. I mean, this is so much more than just a job to me – you’re my friend, this is my ministry…” She sighed. “I’m feeling really stuck.”

Savannah nodded slowly as the words sunk in. Marisa had been her closest friend for years now-it was hard to imagine life without her. Not even Shaun knew some of the things about her that Marisa did. But if Marisa moved, it would mean one less person she had to try to fool into thinking she was the same person she’d always been – and Marisa would be the hardest of them all to keep in the dark.

“Listen, Marisa – if you love this man, and he loves you, then you need to do whatever needs to be done to make sure you don’t lose this opportunity. And if that means leaving A &A and moving on to New York, I’m okay with that.”

Marisa blinked. “You – you are?”

“Yes, I am. This might be… confirmation, you might say, that things are going to be changing for me, in terms of ministry. And I’m okay with that.”

“Oh.” Marisa shook her head, eyes wide with surprise. “I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you for being so understanding. I really can’t imagine leaving, but maybe this is God’s way of confirming that Jeremy and I really are meant to be together.”

“Ah, yes, there you go.”

“Still…” Marisa frowned. “It’s hard to imagine. You and I are so close, and this ministry means so much to me…” She looked to Savannah. “Would you mind praying for me?”

Savannah was taken aback. “What, now?”

Marisa gave her a puzzled smile. “If you don’t mind. Just for some peace and clarity.”

“Oh… sure.” Savannah closed her eyes as Marisa did, scrambling for the words to say.

It was then she realized she hadn’t prayed once since the surgery.

She fumbled through what she hoped was a coherent prayer that wouldn’t make Marisa think she’d lost her mind. But if Marisa was concerned, she didn’t say anything, and they drove back to A &A without much conversation. Savannah thought back over the weeks, sure she was forgetting something, but no, she really hadn’t prayed. She’d tried, but only a handful of times, and always unsuccessfully. She wasn’t sure what concerned her more-the fact that she hadn’t prayed, or the fact that she hadn’t noticed.

Once back at the office Marisa went to work on the letters, leaving Savannah to sit and chat with Brenda at the front desk and with whatever other staff members came up to talk to her. Thankfully the excitement of her return seemed to have worn off, though nearly everyone came to her for just a moment to give a hug and offer once more to help however they could. The one exception was Adam’s mother, Ginny. Savannah and Ginny had developed a comfortable bond since their children had begun to date, and while they didn’t often spend much time together, they always got along like friends and not just friendly co-workers. Ginny came over and gave Savannah a hug, then said, “Could we talk for a minute, maybe outside?”

They went out into the sunshine and walked down a couple storefronts to a bench that sat outside a used bookstore. “I wasn’t sure if I should bring this up or not,” Ginny finally said. “But I just keep getting this troubled feeling and didn’t feel right not saying something.”

Savannah swallowed hard. “Alright,” she said, feeling suddenly on the defensive. Her mind raced to think of where this conversation might be going.

Ginny took a deep breath. “Well, some of us are a little worried. We feel like maybe we’re not getting the whole story on how A &A is doing, financially speaking. Brenda talked to Nick after he was let go, and he said Shaun made him sign a confidentiality notice, so he couldn’t say much, but he hinted at A &A’s financial situation as playing a part in why he was terminated. But whenever someone asks Shaun about our outlook he makes it sound like we’re firmly in the black and have nothing to worry about. Now, maybe Shaun just doesn’t want to worry us before there actually is a problem, but if there’s the potential for the ministry to go under I need to start looking for a new position sooner rather than later. You know how it is with Carl on disability.”

It took a minute for Ginny’s words to sink in. Once they did, Savannah’s blood began to boil. “Wait a minute. Nick was fired?”

“Last month, yes.”

“Because of our finances?”

“That’s what Shaun told him, apparently. Shaun didn’t actually tell anyone about any of it, which I thought was a little weird.” She shrugged. “But it wasn’t really my business, so I didn’t say anything.”

Savannah didn’t know what to say. “He probably just didn’t want to worry me with the details,” she finally said. “A month ago… that would have been right before the surgery.”

“That makes sense. And I doubt Shaun would lie to us – what reason would he have? So I’m sure everything is fine. But the appearance of double talk is troubling some people. If things really are okay, I think it would ease a lot of minds to hear you say it. If it comes from you, they’ll believe it.”

Savannah cringed. That was just the kind of pressure she did not need right now.

She placated Ginny with a promise to talk to Shaun, then followed her back into the building and made a beeline for Shaun’s office. She shut the door and glared at him. “You fired Nick.”

Shaun’s jaw clenched and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head. She didn’t give him a chance to respond before launching her own assault. “I told you how I felt, and you not only completely disregarded my wishes but then lied to him about why he was being let go! The staff knows something isn’t right; Nick hinted to Brenda that it had to do with A &A’s financial health, so now they’re all panicked that we’re going to shut our doors and they’ll be left out in the cold. What is wrong with you?”

“Look, I had no solid evidence that he was stealing. I couldn’t confront him with that and risk being slapped with a wrongful termination suit. But I really felt like that’s what God was telling me to do. I think we dodged a bullet here.”

Savannah scoffed in disbelief. “If God was telling you that, then why didn’t he tell me?” She shook her head, eyes riveted on Shaun who seemed to wilt somewhat under her scrutiny. “You’re lying, either to your staff or to your wife. Neither one is good.”