Alison Strobel - The Heart of Memory

“I’m sorry, Van.” He sat beside her, rested his hand on her knee. “I know you were getting excited about that. But it just wouldn’t-”

“I know, I know.” She waved a hand, batting away the discussion without making eye contact. “I’ll call Dr. Helms today.”

Shaun left for work and Savannah stared at the trees until her coffee was cold. She made that her excuse to finally get up, then grudgingly pulled out the address book where the doctor’s number was recorded. It had been so long since she’d used it, she couldn’t remember if it was filed under the D’s or the H’s.

The receptionist said it was her lucky day – a cancellation had just been made, and she could come in at eleven. She killed time with a snack and mindless television, then left for the appointment. A small measure of her worry abated, knowing she’d likely leave with at least some kind of diagnosis, even if it required waiting for tests to confirm it. She was almost to the point where she didn’t care what was wrong, she just wanted to know for sure.

“That does seem like a long time for the flu, but in actuality the flu can last for quite a while,” Dr. Helms told her as he marked her chart. “But since you no longer have a fever, I doubt you still have it, if that’s what it was. Let’s take a listen.” He held the chest piece of his stethoscope between her shoulder blades and asked her to breathe deeply. He moved it to the back and she breathed again. He asked her to breathe deeply three more times as he moved the chest piece lower, finally settling it around her ribs. “Well, I am hearing something in there.”

“ ‘Something'? Like what?”

He marked on his chart. “They’re called rales. Noises in the lungs.” His eyes narrowed. “Do you have any chest pain?”

“No, I don’t think so – I mean, I’ve been achy all over, including in my chest, but not heart-attack pain or anything like that. Nothing serious, really.”

He was silent for a moment, then nodded. “I’m going to write you a script for a chest x-ray; I want you to go up to the third floor where the imaging center is and have them do this right now. Once we get the results of that and some blood tests we’ll figure out what our next step is. We can do a hemoglobin test here for the anemia, but I’ll have to send the blood samples to the lab for the rest.”

“How long will that take?”

“I’ll put a rush on it; we should get it back tomorrow.”

She asked him about the other diagnoses she’d read in the medical book at home. He agreed her symptoms were consistent with hypothyroidism, but because she lacked so many other symptoms and the onset had been so quick, he doubted that was it. He also mentioned mononucleosis, but had been reluctant to guess beyond that, especially given the sounds in her chest.

Savannah left the office three vials of blood lighter and significantly more worried. The hemoglobin test had come back normal, so anemia was off the list. But the list of possibilities was daunting. Savannah’s longing for an answer now clashed with her fear of just how serious that answer might be.

The imaging center squeezed her in an hour later, and she drove home afterwards feeling rattled and frustrated. The doctor was supposed to have written her a script for an antibiotic and tell her to rest for a few more days, not send her into a panic with talk of blood tests and X-rays.

When Dr. Helms called the next day, Savannah’s fears grew. Hypothyroidism and mono had been ruled out by the blood tests. “And the X-rays confirmed what I was thinking – there’s fluid in your lungs and your heart has me concerned as well.”

Her gut seized. “So what does that mean?”

“Well, I don’t know yet. I’m going to fax a script over to the echocardiogram lab at the hospital. I want you to call them and make an appointment to get an echo done.”

She went clammy with nerves. “Oh. Okay. Give me the number and I’ll call right now.” She took down the number he gave her, then hung up and stared at it. She really had expected the blood tests to give them an answer. But now that the answer would be more serious than she’d expected, she was afraid to know what was really going on.

She glanced at the clock. Quarter after four. They probably weren’t there after four. She’d call first thing in the morning.

SHAUN WAS ANTSY THAT EVENING, trying to keep his mind off the possible results of tomorrow’s echo but not wanting his concern to show. When Savannah had given him the rundown of her blood tests and Dr. Helms’ insistence on getting the echo, he’d waved it off to diffuse her obvious anxiety. “Seriously, how bad could it be?” he said. “You’re normally healthy as a horse. It’s a precaution, I’m sure. It’ll be fine and he’ll go to the next test on the flow chart.” But he knew the possibilities were limited, and something less serious would have been found by now.

His mind was a mess. He wanted to hide in his office or go for a run, but he knew Savannah needed him and his false confidence nearby. He feigned interest in the paper to keep from having to engage too much, turning the pages at appropriate intervals and pretending to read while she lay on the couch and stared out the window. Maybe she’d fall asleep and he could sneak out…

“So, how are things at A &A?”

Or not. He gave her a sympathetic smile. “I know it’s killing you to not be there.”

She rolled to her back, adjusting the throw pillow behind her head. “Torturing me, actually.”

Shaun gave her foot a squeeze. “It’s fine, just like it was yesterday, and the day before that. We’re not going to fall apart without you, you know.”

She sighed. “I know. I just get so tired of sitting here thinking. I almost wish A &A was falling apart, so I had something else to focus on besides what might be wrong with me.”

“Heh, bite your tongue.” Though the thought of being free from the weight of the financial responsibility is bliss.

She nudged him with her foot. “Come on. We must have something to discuss. Any big decision you want to hash out? Any new curriculum ideas? Anything at all?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Oh-what about the feedback from the tour? Marisa told me on Monday the info cards had come in, but she hadn’t had time to go through them yet.”

He nodded. “Yes, they did come back, and Marisa just gave me the report yesterday. All very positive; no surprise there. Only one case of books was left, so you set a personal sales record.”

She gave a half-hearted pump of her fist. “Yay.”

Shaun thought for a moment, debating whether or not to mention the one issue he actually could bring up to her. “I am a little concerned with one thing.” Her face lit up with interest. “Remember Nick Albright, the accountant we hired back in April?”

“Of course.”

Shaun set aside his newspaper so Savannah wouldn’t see his hands shaking. He’d never been able to keep his cool while lying. “I’ve got a really bad feeling he’s been stealing.”

She raised her brows. “Office supplies?”

“Money.”

Savannah sat up. “Oh Shaun, seriously? He doesn’t seem the type! What happened to make you think that?”

“I was checking the bank statement, going over some things, and the numbers weren’t reconciling with the monthly reports he’s been giving me. I started going back over previous statements and reports, and I noticed a trend.” He shrugged, giving her a brief look before averting his eyes again. “I thought maybe I was the one making the mistake, but I did them all at least twice, and got the same discrepancies. I think he’s taking money from the ministry.”

Savannah shook her head as her hand massaged her chest. “Oh Shaun, what are we going to do? He seemed like such a nice young man.”