Scott Spencer - A Ship Made of Paper

“Where?”

“In town.I tried to talk to them, but they saw me coming and they took off.Any doubts I had about them being the two…”

“It’s so strange.They just won’t go away, will they.Why don’t they go back to the city, or wherever it is they came from?They want to live in the country, near the river, and enjoy our various cultural and natural re-sources.Is that it?”

Kate laughs, but her voice is soft, far from her usual tone ofsly provocation.When Derek first started coming around, Kate adopted a more feminine and compliant voice in a kind ofcompensatory spirit, the way very tall people will stoop a little around others so as not to tower over them.She didn’t want to intimidate Derek—whom she calls“poor Derek”when she mentions him to people like Lorraine—and she slipped into a somewhat frail persona with him, seeking his advice, deferring to him on matters of worldly practicality, and keeping in check such verbal habits as sarcasm, ar-cane cultural references, and wordplay.Derek, for his part, has also con-structed a kind ofalternative selffor his meetings with Kate.Rather than sitting at her table as a man who has lived his whole life within the confines ofone small community, a man who has married his high school sweetheart, he has changed himself into a kind ofexiled big-city cop who has ended up in Leyden because ofsome secret catastrophe back in the big city.That both Kate and Derek are in disguise makes their time together unreal yet relax-ing;it’s like being at a masquerade ball, but one in which the disguises are not so elaborate, and you always know with whom you’re dancing.

Kate and Derek continue to talk about her new alarm system.Kate says that one ofthe reasons she agreed to move out ofthe city was that she liked the idea ofliving in a place where she wouldn’t have to worry about crime.Derek tells her that crime inWindsor County has gone up nearly ten percent in the past four years, though it’s been mainly in the larger towns in the south ofthe county.Then they talk awhile about the O.J.case, though here Kate has to be careful because Derek knows next to nothing about it, he keeps falling back on the simplest statements, like,“Man, that guy had everything, and now look at him.”They are do-ing their best to avoid the inevitable conversational juncture when they will begin talking about Daniel, whose behavior, motives, and present-day life have ended up at the center oftheir every conversation.

This time, it’s Derek who brings it up.“Any word from our wandering boy?”he asks.The way he talks about Daniel is different from how he discusses crime and safety.His voice when he mentions Daniel is toler-ant, bemused, and morally superior.

“As a matter offact, I talked to him today.”

“Really?”Derek says, his voice rising a little.

”He wanted to pick Ruby up at day care.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Well, it was just as well for me.I knew I was having the alarm system put in, but they wouldn’t give me an exact time.”

“So? Is she going to spend the night there?”

“Yes,”she says.“I could use a night off.”

“Well, I guess it’s good for her to have a male role model or something.”

And now the subject is properly launched, it wafts above them like a big lazy balloon.

“This place where he’s living,”Kate says.“I finally got the courage to go over and take a look at it.”

“He’s over on SalterTurnpike.”

“A little suburban-style house, with a carport and fake shutters.”She stops herself, realizes that sort ofarchitecture wouldn’t disturb Derek, that in fact his own house could be described like that.“And inside, really dreary.I asked him,‘Who decorated this place? Lee Harvey Oswald?’”

“Three years ago, I was called out on a domestic abuse on SalterTurnpike and the guy turned out to be my tenth-grade English teacher, Mr.

Machias.Man, I loved busting that guy, and he’s like trying to strike a bargain with me while I’m leading him out to the car, he’s saying,‘Mr.

Pabst, we’re both men ofthe world.’Men ofthe world.His poor old wife’s in there with a broken nose and a chipped front tooth and he’s try-ing to bond with me.”

“So what are you saying, Derek?That it’s a bad neighborhood?”

“Here’s what I think.There are no bad neighborhoods, there’s just bad people.”

Oh, thank you for your hard-won wisdom of the streets .“Daniel looked really uncomfortable, having me in his house,”she says.“He was swaying back and forth, talking a mile a minute, and he had his hand sort oftucked be-hind him, massaging his kidney like he does when he’s very, very nervous.”

“He was nervous? He should be ashamed .He should be on his knees begging you to forgive him.”

Kate shrugs, but Derek is saying exactly what she wants to hear.She finds that she has a practically limitless need to hear her side ofthings af-firmed when it comes to the breakup ofher household.Once, she would have guessed that she would want to preserve her pride, that she would put up a brave front and mount the traditional romantic defense ofnon-chalance, or philosophical acceptance.But that hasn’t been the case.Kate wants there to be no mistake in anyone’s mind about whose idea it was to separate.She is the wronged party, any spin on that is immoral.And whenever she thinks she has had her fill ofpity, she finds that she has a craving for just one more helping.

“He looks terrible,”Kate says.“He must have lost at least twenty pounds, and he’s got these crepe paper dark patches under his eyes.His health is shot.”

“He shouldn’t even be talking to you about his health,”Derek says.

“He’s lost that right.”

“It’s not like cops and robbers, Derek, this is real life.Whatever he’s done, he’s still important to me.And ifhe’s developed some kind of heart condition…”

“He had a heart attack?”

“I don’t know what he had.But I do know he’s wasting away.And for what?”

“HamptonWelles,”Derek says softly.

”But that wasn’t Daniel’s fault!”

Derek nods.It is, in fact, what he, too, believes, but he doesn’t like to hear Kate say it.

“And I do think,”Kate continues,“that in terms ofhim and Iris, it’s been devastating to them.I think it’s hard for them to even see each other.”

Derek is entirely sure that Daniel and Iris are seeing a lot more of each other than Kate cares to realize—he has seen them coming out of theWindsor Bistro, seen her car in front ofDaniel’s house—but he thinks better ofmaking the point.Sometimes you can lose by winning.

“You’re a very brave lady, Kate,”he says.“I mean it.You’re really taking it well.”

“Can I offer you another cup ofcoffee?”

“No, I better not.I’m having trouble sleeping anyhow.And this stuff is a whole lot stronger than anything I get at home.”

“Meow,”says Kate, making Derek laugh with such a burst ofmanic nervous energy that his face goes crimson.Kate looks at him with a mild gaze, but soon she is laughing, too, and they continue to laugh, as ifher joke were a kiss and they wanted to prolong it.

And then the laughter subsides and they are left with each other and the silence, which Derek, finally, cannot endure.

“You ask yourself,”he says, shaking his head.

”What?”

“What you’d do in her particular individual situation.”

“Iris? WithDaniel, youmean?”

“Whatever anyone says about it being an accident, Daniel lit the fuse.

What would you do with someone who did something like that to yourhusband?”

“Well, first I’d like to actually have a husband.”She realizes as soon as the words are out that it’s not a good or even acceptable joke.She knows Derek is attracted to her, that he has been coming around with the hope ofone day taking her to bed, and she doesn’t want to encourage him, any more than she would want to absolutely discourage him.And, sure enough, the wisecrack has made him uncomfortable.He shifts in his seat, recrosses his legs.