Nan Rossiter - The Gin and Chowder Club

For Asa,

On the occasion of your

Nineteenth Birthday!

Enjoy!

Much Love,

Dad

He turned the page, and an ivory-colored envelope fell out onto the sand. He picked it up and brushed it off. A sudden wind rushed down the beach and threatened to steal it from his hands, but he held it tightly and stared at the familiar elegant handwriting. His heart raced as he slipped out the thin paper. Tucked inside was a faded bus ticket dated June 21, 1961, and behind the ticket an old photograph. Asa stared in disbelief. I wondered what had become of this. Tears filled his eyes as remembered the night long ago. She was so beautiful… and look at me-I was so young.

He tucked the picture and the ticket back between the pages and carefully unfolded the delicate stationery. He glanced at the Howe Library letterhead in wonder and slowly read the words that had been so carefully chosen…

My Dearest Asa,

If you are reading this, then something has happened to me because it is with you that I long to be…

Oh, Asa, if you only knew how much I miss you. You are in my heart every day, and I pray that you are managing. I will never forget the look in your eyes the last time I saw you. I am so very sorry that you found out that way. I hope that you can forgive me.

As I write these words now, I am sitting in the Howe Library, praying that you will come through the door. I have wanted for so long to say these words to you and to see your face. I wonder if you will smile… Asa, I don’t know what will become of us. I don’t know all the answers, but I do know that the beloved child I carry is yours. I didn’t know it at first-I wouldn’t let myself believe it-but now, the scent of my body reminds me of you, and somehow, deep in my heart, I realize I have always known.

I wish that I could stay until you do come through that door.

Asa, please forgive me and know that I will always love you.

Forever,

Noelle

Asa stared at the words, trying to grasp the impact they would have on his life. With trembling hands, he read the letter again, savoring each word and allowing the bittersweet memory of the summer long ago to gently fill his mind. He looked at the signature-the promise to love forever-and realized that the passage of time had eased his sadness. As the sun set behind him, Asa looked back at the lighthouse set high on the rugged embankment. He watched its red and white light flash across the darkening sky, and he thought about the steady measurement of time. Every moment he had lived, every breath he had drawn, every night as he slept, the light had turned, without ceasing…

Asa turned and saw two figures making their way toward him. The taller of the two, he knew, was Maddie. He watched the smaller figure stoop to pick something up and run to the water to rinse it. Asa smiled, remembering the pockets full of smooth stones and sea glass he had collected as a boy. As they drew near, Asa knelt down and the boy ran toward him, clutching the treasure in his fist.

“Look at this stone,” the boy exclaimed. “It’s the shape of a heart.”

“You’re right,” Asa said, holding it in his palm and watching the expression of delight on the boy’s tan face. He does look like his mother, he thought.

The boy peered up at Asa with solemn eyes the color of the sweet summer sky and said, “You can have it.”

Asa blinked back tears. “Thanks… I’ll keep it for good luck.” He paused. “I have something to show you too.” Maddie stood by and watched them. “Do you see those old bricks?” Asa asked.

The boy nodded.

“That’s the foundation of an old lighthouse.”

The boy studied the worn circle and slipped his hand into Asa’s, drawing him out for a closer look. As a wave rushed in, Asa felt the boy’s small hand grip his more tightly. Asa looked back at Maddie and she smiled. He studied her hazel eyes and the sprinkle of freckles on the bridge of her nose, and he thought of the summer day, long ago, when she had stopped him in the rain and asked him if his name was Asa. Maddie had become his friend when he needed one most, and they had remained good friends throughout college. Asa smiled at her now and thought of the surprised look on her face when he had asked her to come to the Cape with him, realizing he had been just as surprised when she said yes.

Asa held out his free hand and Maddie took it. After a while, the threesome turned and walked slowly toward the wooden steps that climbed the sheer face of the fragile coastline. Out of habit, Asa silently counted the treads as he went up, but Noah, who was bounding ahead, counted out loud.

At the top, Asa looked up at the vastness of the night sky and spotted a familiar constellation.

“Noah, do you know what the Milky Way is?”

The boy nodded. “It’s thousands of faint stars.”

“That’s right,” Asa said, smiling. “Do you know which constellation is Cygnus, the Swan?”

Noah shook his head this time, and Asa pointed up at the stars.

“The best time to see it is right after your birthday. Do you see where the Milky Way begins to separate?” Noah nodded and Asa continued. “Just below and to the left is a large perfect cross with a bright star on the far side. That is Cygnus, the Swan, and the bright star is called Deneb, the Swan’s tail.” Asa looked over at Maddie and saw that she was studying the sky too. “There is a place inside the Swan-just to the left of the middle star where there are no faint stars-and that is called the Coal Sack. Funny name, isn’t it?” Noah nodded and slipped his hand into Asa’s. Just as he did, a bright star shot out of the darkness and raced across the Milky Way.

“Look,” Noah whispered, “a shooting star!”

Asa watched the star and then looked in wonder at the child by his side. “Pretty neat, Noah. I think God must have sent that for you.”

Noah nodded solemnly and said, “For you too.”

Asa smiled and gently squeezed his son’s hand.

Writing a novel takes a tremendous leap of faith-financially, temporally, and emotionally. Who knows what the outcome will be? When I’m writing, I often pray for guidance and I even ask God to send signs of reassurance.

One summer morning, after I’d just finished writing the passage in the book about the female cardinal, I was sitting on my front porch asking for assurance that all would be well. At the very moment of my prayer, a female cardinal flew by my head, through the open door into our mudroom, and fluttered around until she landed on the top frame of the bottom window in the bathroom. I followed her and without thinking unlatched the window, hoping she would fly out. But as soon as I did, I remembered that the spring in the window wasn’t hooked properly. I watched in horror as the upper window slid down, taking the little cardinal with it! I stared in disbelief. What had I done? There she was trapped, upside down, between the two windows! Without thinking (again) about possible injury, I pushed the window up, and up she came with it! Shaken but seemingly unharmed, she found her way back outside. In astonishment and wonder, I sank into my chair. It was one sign of many that I will never forget.

I am thankful to my family and friends, who, through the years, have shaped my life and filled it to overflowing with rich memories. To Bruce, my husband and best friend, who has supported me every step of the way; and to our boys, Cole and Noah, who continually keep track of how many pages I’ve written and encourage me to do better. They are my inspiration! To my mom and dad, who never doubted for a second that I would publish a novel.