Iris Murdoch - Bruno’s Dream

”They’ve just brought you some flowers. They-“

”Who are they?”

”Miles’s wife and sister-in-law.”

”Miles’s wife and sister-“

”Sister-in-law. These two ladies are sisters.”

”Sisters.” The word as Bruno uttered it sounded heavy, uncanny, meaningless.

Diana had reached the door.

”What do they want?” said Bruno. He was still sitting bolt upright and motionless and it was difficult to see where he was looking. “We came from Miles to say that he’s very sorry he upset you,” said Lisa, speaking slowly in a low clear voice.

The big indented head moved slightly. “What?”

”Miles says he’s sorry.”

Bruno was undoubtedly staring at Lisa. His face seemed to unravel a little, the mouth and eyes becoming more evident.

”Who are you?”

”I’m-“

”I think that’ll do, that’s quite enough of a visit,” said Danby. “You’ve had a lovely visit from two nice girls. Doesn’t happen every day, does it, Bruno? Bringing you flowers and all. But we mustn’t overture you, must we? Say good-bye now. Off we go.”

Since the entry of the two women into the bedroom Danby had felt an intense physical awkwardness almost amounting to sickness. Something about the juxtaposition was suddenly dreadful. Perhaps it was just the onrush of new pity, almost of shame, this glimpse of poor Bruno through unaccustomed eyes, a glimpse of the grey shabby jumbled room, the stained wallpaper and the soiled sheets, the monster-headed moribund old man imprisoned in the smelly twilit box. Danby was so used to Bruno. He saw a person there not pinned by time. But now he wanted to get the women outside and to get outside himself. He fumbled with the doorhandle and put out a shielding ushering hand towards Diana.

”Danby, for Christ’s sake shut up!” They paused in the doorway. “Don’t talk to me as if I were a puling infant! Do you want them to think I’m senile? I’m still a rational being so have the decency to address me as one. You sit down here, you . Please.”

Bruno was still looking at Lisa. Rather laboriously he pulled one arm out of the bedclothes and moved it across the counterpane to point at a chair beside the bed. Lisa sat down.

Danby felt himself being nudged from behind by Diana. He jumped and twitched away at the contact. Diana was murmuring something to him and sliding away through the door. Trying to take hold of his hand she caught hold of a finger and pulled it. Danby half followed her through the door, shuffled with hesitation, made a reassuring gesture as she moved towards the top of the stairs, and then came back into the room and shut the door again. The smell of the narcissus was mingling with the doggy old-man odour of the room. Lisa had taken Bruno’s hand.

Danby leaned against the door still feeling the curious pan icky giddiness. What was he afraid of? He saw Lisa’s profile now, her face close up to Bruno’s. Was he frightened of the old man on her behalf? It wasn’t quite that.

”You don’t mind me, do you, my dear?”

”No, of course not. I’m so glad to see you.”

”And you brought me flowers.”

”We both did. And they’re from Miles too.”

”Miles-you-of course-Miles was cruel, so cruel to the old man.”

”He’s very sorry. He got upset and muddled. He’s sorry now. He hopes you’ll let him come again.”

”Danby said it was a mistake to see Miles, all a mistake. A little bit of peace one needs at the end. Miles shouting at me, horrible. You see, I tried to tell him things and he wouldn’t listen, said he didn’t want to know.” Bruno had lowered his voice to a confidential murmur. The intensity of the girl’s attention to him seemed to have stilled the room. The two heads together, so strange.

”You mustn’t be too cross with Miles. It was just a muddle really.”

”He said the past doesn’t exist anymore, but it does exist, doesn’t it?”

”It certainly does things to us.”

”Exactly. Now you understand.”

”You’ll have to get to know Miles again. Talk to him about more ordinary things. It’ll take a bit of time.”

”There isn’t much time left, my dear. And no ordinary things. Only last things. Danby.”

”Yes, Bruno.”

”Pour us some champagne.”

Danby took a champagne bottle from the dusty little queue on the floor. There were two glasses on the table. He began to ease out the cork. It flew gaily up into the topmost corner of the room, alarming the Tegenaria atrica who was drowsing there, and the creamy champagne cascaded into the glass. The brusqueness of the gesture gave relief. He handed the glass to Lisa, who handed it to Bruno. Danby filled the other glass and gave it to Lisa, reaching it across the bed.

”You two-share the glass-drink with me.” Bruno sipped the champagne. Lisa, who was still holding Bruno’s other hand, gave the glass to Danby with a smile. He drank. It was all very odd.

”Would you turn the lamp on, Danby.”

The window and the hurrying sky were gone. The shaded light shone upon Bruno’s huge nose pendant over the grey stubble which grew so painfully out of the many crevices which had defeated Nigel’s razor, and upon Lisa’s rather long hands, one of which she now raised to release the heavy tangle of her dark hair from the scarf which was hanging loose about her neck.

”You see, my dear, when you’re my age there’s not much left except you want to be loved.”

”You are loved.” Lisa looked at Danby across the bed. Her face was obscure, outside the circle of light.

”At my age you live in your mind, in a sort of dream.”

”I think we all do that.”

”At the end there’s nothing left to do. It’s all just thought.”

”Thinking is doing something.”

”One turns into a monster at the very end. I just frighten people now, I upset them, I appall them, I know. I can’t change anything in the world anymore.”

”Yes, you can. You can think kind thoughts, you can send a nice message to Miles. Do send a message to Miles.”

”A message-Well, you can tell him-I didn’t mean-what I said at the end.”

”I’m so glad.”

”Do you think it matters if people curse you? I did a terrible thing-my wife was dying and I didn’t go to her-she cursed me I think-I wanted to tell Miles that-you see there was this girl-and even the spiders-“

”Oh stop it, Bruno,” said Danby. “I mean you’re getting overexcited. I think that’s enough for one visit now. And don’t be cross with me.”

Bruno relaxed, crumpled back a little among the pillows, the light now showing his eyes, dark liquid terribly vital slits in the chaos of his face where the lipless mouth opened amid the grey stubble. “All right.”

”He doesn’t usually have his champagne so early in the day.”

”You will come back, my dear, you’ll come back and see the old man and let him tell you things?”

”Yes, of course,” she said. “And Miles will come too. And I’ll tell him what you said.”

”What did I say? Well, it doesn’t matter. Drink again, both.”

Danby took a gulp of champagne and gave the glass to Lisa. She drank looking up at him, returned the glass, and leaned back towards Bruno, stroking his knotted hand and thin stick-like spotted arm.

”Ah, you have such lovely hands-and those half moons, just like-“

Lisa leaned forward and kissed him close to his still-moving mouth and then rose quickly. She made a movement as if giving a benediction and retreated towards the door.

”I’ll just show her out-be back-“ Danby mumbled. He fell out of the door after Lisa. He stared at her in the grey darker light of the empty landing, then with a rather timid and deliberate movement took hold of the sleeve of her brown mackintosh and pulled her across the landing and into Nigel’s room, which was empty. He stared down at her.