Malcolm Bradbury - The History Man

'Is it like that?' asks Miss Callendar, 'Isn't he just being rather pathetic and desperate?'

'I hope you're not excusing him,' says Howard. 'After all, he's just gone to see my professor and challenge my professional integrity.'

'Yes,' says Miss Callendar, 'but who'll believe him?'

'Oh, many would like to,' says Howard. 'Of course they daren't. He wants to destroy me; in fact he's already destroyed himself. He'll get no more sociology teaching, so he won't get a degree. And I think our regulations permit us to get rid of him.'

'You make me feel sorry for him,' says Miss Callendar. 'I thought you might feel sorry for me,' says Howard. 'Here's a student of yours putting my career at risk. I have the rights of the victim.'

'I'm sorry for both,' says Miss Callendar. 'I've been looking at his file while you're talking. His father died. He had a period of depression and psychiatric counselling. He's kept up his work well. His tutors in English and History give him quite favourable reports.'

'He said he'd been getting As and Bs in English,' says Howard, 'I find it hard to believe.'

'Well, Bs and As,' says Miss Callendar. 'He's said to have a good critical intelligence. There's a person here, and a background. Oughtn't we to go into it?'

'I don't think I want to go into it,' says Howard. 'But you do take your responsibility to your students seriously?' asks Miss Callendar. 'What are you proposing?' asks Howard. 'Can't we talk about it?' asks Miss Callendar. 'I don't know,' says Howard. 'When?'

'I could come to your room this afternoon, or one afternoon this week,' says Miss Callendar. 'I've a department meeting today,' says I-toward, 'and a very full diary.'

'Isn't there any other time? asks Miss Callendar. 'I did ask you to have dinner with me,' says Howard, 'we could discuss it then.'

'Oh,' says Miss Callendar, 'I hope this isn't a scheme.'

'Oh, Miss Callendar,' says Howard, 'can we make it Thursday night?'

'All right,' says Miss Callendar. 'Try and be hungry,' says Howard. 'Oh, can I just check a literary reference with you?'

'My class is rioting outside,' says Miss Callendar. 'It won't take a second,' says Howard, 'I'm looking at the Penguin Poets William Blake, page 98, "Proverbs of Heaven and Hell". Here's a quotation from the Proverbs of Hell: "Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires".'

'Yes,' says Miss Callendar, 'what's your question?'

'How you came to reverse it when we talked this morning?'

'Ah,' says Miss Callendar, 'I did it via the instrument of literary criticism.'

'This is your good critical intelligence,' says Howard. 'That's it,' says Miss Callendar, 'you see, I was offering a paraphrase of its implicit as opposed to its surface meaning. You see, read the lines carefully, and you'll find the fulcrum is a pun around the words "infant" and "nurse". The infant and the desires are the same. So it doesn't mean kill babies if you really have to. It means it's better to kill desires than nourish ones you can never satisfy.'

'I see,' says Howard, 'so that's what you people do over there in English. I've often wondered.'

'I'm only saying it's not the seducer's charter you took it for,' says Miss Callendar, 'and as for an interest in the substructure, I don't think that's confined to English.'

'It's hardly the same substructure,' says Howard. 'We're concerned with exposing the true reality, not with compounding ambiguity.'

'It must be nice to think there is a true reality,' says Miss Callendar, 'I've always found reality a matter of great debate.'

'Well, we obviously disagree,' says Howard, 'you keep your Blake, and I'll keep mine. You may find mine has something to offer.'

'I doubt it,' says Miss Callendar, 'but to quote again from the same source, "Opposition is true Friendship". Goodbye, Dr Kirk.'

Howard hears the telephone click at the other end; he puts down the receiver. He gets out his diary, and makes a note in it; Miss Callendar, Thursday, dinner. As soon as he has finished doing this, the telephone rings again. 'It's Minnehaha Ho,' says the voice, 'Professor Marvin for you, Howard.' The equipment clicks; there are mumblings; another voice says 'Howard?'

'Hello, Professor Marvin,' says Howard. 'Ah,' says Marvin, 'are you, er, alone?'

'I am,' says Howard. 'Good,' says Marvin, 'I've got here a matter of exceptional delicacy.'

'Oh, yes?' says Howard. 'A student of yours has just been to see me,' says Marvin, 'I've just had a very tearful session with him.'

'I take it the tears were his?' asks Howard. 'Oh, yes,' says Marvin. 'His name is Carmody.'

'Ah,' says Howard, 'I was just going to ring you about him. To lodge a formal complaint.'

'Oh, dear, dear,' says Marvin. 'He was complaining about you, you see. He thinks you've marked him rather harshly.'

'Did he tell you he'd attempted to blackmail me?' asks Howard. 'No,' says Marvin, 'he didn't say that. He did say that you and he didn't get on, and that he'd like to be taught by someone else.'

'He doesn't seem to have told you very much at all,' says Howard. 'He's failing, of course, and he wanted his marks raised. His way of trying to obtain this was not by doing passing work, the way of most of our students. No, he was going to expose the political bias of my teaching, unless I cooperated. He visited you because I didn't.'

'Oh,' says Marvin. 'Urn, um.'

'I hope you kicked him out,' says Howard. 'No, I didn't kick him out,' says Marvin, 'I gave him a glass of sherry.'

'I see,' says Howard. 'He told you he wasn't satisfied with my marking, so you sat him down and gave him sherry.'

'Yes,' says Marvin. 'As head of department, I think I have a duty to do him the fairness of listening.'

'To unfair nonsense,' says Howard. 'He came with a sense of injustice,' says Marvin, 'I felt it my duty to explain to him how we work here. The concept of academic disinterestedness.'

'I hope that impressed him,' says Howard. 'If so, it would be the first concept he'd ever grasped.'

'Can you kindly tell me how this situation has got this far?' asks Marvin, 'He tells me you refuse to teach him.'

'I do,' says Howard, 'I don't teach blackmailers.'

'Oh, look, Howard,' says Marvin, 'can't we resolve this as between gentlemen?'

'How do you think we should do that?' asks Howard. 'He accepts his grades,' says Marvin, 'you take him back, and do all you can to bring his work up to passing level.'

'You may be a gentleman,' says Howard, 'but he isn't, and in another sense nor am I. I come with a sense of injustice too. He made a corrupt accusation, and I won't teach him.'

'Then I'll have to move him to someone else,' says Marvin. 'Oh, no,' says Howard, 'I can't accept that either.'

'I don't understand,' says Marvin, 'someone has to teach him.'

'No,' says Howard, 'I want him banned from the department. I want him disciplined.'

'Howard,' says Marvin, 'I hoped we could cope with this informally. You're forcing an issue.'

'Yes,' says Howard, 'it is an issue.'

'There are two sides to every case,' says Marvin, 'I shall have to listen to his.'

'But there aren't two sides to every case,' says Howard, 'you'll just sink into your liberal mess, if you accept that.'

'I have to accept it,' says Marvin, 'I shall need both your complaints in writing, please. And then I shall have to read those disputed essays.'

'That won't help,' says Howard. 'I think it might,' says Marvin. 'No,' says Howard, 'why should your judgment be better than mine? In any case, the marks aren't just for what he's written. We try to take everything into account here, don't we? Isn't it our ideal to judge the man in as many ways as possible?'

'I agree we try in marking to take some account of seminar performance,' says Marvin, 'I shall take that into consideration. But I have to read those essays. Unless, of course, you think there's still an informal solution?'