Haruki Murakami - Dance Dance Dance

«Vanished?»

«Like literally. Maybe a month ago. I'd been telling every­one she was exactly what we needed for this new part, and she was set. All the girl had to do was to show up, and it was hers. I even called her up the day before to remind her. But she never showed. That was the last time we ever

talked.»

He raised a finger to call over the waiter and ordered two

more scotches.

«One question, though it's none of my business,» Gotanda said. «Did you ever sleep with her?»

«Uh-huh.»

«So then, well, if I were to say, supposing I slept with her too, would that bother you?»

«Not especially,» I said.

«Good,» said Gotanda, relieved. «I'm a terrible liar. So I'll come right out with it. We slept together a few times. She was a good kid. A little mixed-up maybe, but really a good person. She should've become an actress. Could've done some good things. Too bad.»

«And you really don't know where to contact her? Or what her real name is?»

«Afraid not. I don't know of any way to find her. Nobody knows. 'Kiki' is all there is to go on.»

«Weren't there any pay slips in the film company account­ing department?» I asked. «They've got to put your real name and address on those things. For the tax office and all.»

«Don't you think I checked? Not a clue. She didn't bother to pick up her pay. No money accepted, so no record, nothing.»

«She didn't pick up her pay?»

«Don't ask me why,» said Gotanda, well into his third drink. «The girl's a mystery. Maybe she wanted to keep her name and address a secret. Who knows? But whatever, now we have three things in common. Science lab in junior high. Divorce. And Kiki.»

Presently our steaks and salads arrived. Beautiful steaks. Magazine-perfect medium rare. Gotanda dug in with gusto. His table manners were less than finishing-school polished, but he did have a casual ease that made him an ideal dining companion. Everything he ate looked appetizing. He was charming. He had a grace you don't encounter every day. A woman would be snowed.

«So tell me, where did you meet Kiki?» I asked, cutting into my steak.

«Let's see, where was it?» he thought out loud. «Oh yeah, I called for a girl and she showed up. You know what I mean, there are these numbers you call. Right?»

«Uh-huh.»

«After my divorce, for a while there I would call up and these girls would come and spend the night. No fuss, no muss. I wasn't up for an amateur and if I was sleeping with someone in the industry it'd be splashed all over the maga­zines. So that's the companionship I had. They weren't cheap, but they kept quiet about it. Absolutely confidential. A guy at the agency gave me an introduction to this club, and all the girls were nice and easy. Professional, but with­out the attitude. They enjoy themselves too.»

He brought a forkful of steak to his mouth and slowly savored the juiciness.

«Mmm, not bad,» he said.

«Not bad at all,» I seconded. «This is a great place.»

«Great, but you get tired of it six times a month.»

«You come here six times a month?»

«Well, I'm used to the place. I can walk right in and no one bats an eye. The employees don't whisper. They're used to famous people, so they don't stare. No one coming to ask for your autograph when you've got your mouth full. It's hard to relax and eat in other places. Really.»

«Rough life,» I kidded. «Plus you can't slack off on that expense account.»

«You said it! So where were we?»

«Up to the part about call girls.»

«Oh right,» said Gotanda, wiping his mouth with his napkin. «So, one time I call for the usual girl. But she's not available. Instead, they send these two other girls. I get to choose, because I'm such a special customer. Well, one of the girls was Kiki. It was tough to decide, so I slept with both of them.»

«Hmm,» I said.

«That bother you?»

«If I were still in high school, maybe. But not now, no.»

«I never did anything like that in high school, that's for sure,» chuckled Gotanda. «But anyway, I slept with both of them. It was a funny combination. I mean, one girl was absolutely gorgeous. I'm talking stunning. Some expensive work on that body, let me tell you. Every square millimeter of her dripping with money. In my business you run into plenty of beautiful women, and this girl was no slouch. She had a nice personality, intelligent too. And then there was Kiki. Not a real beauty. Pretty enough, but no pizzazz, not like the typical club girl. She was more, well,...»

«Ordinary?» I offered.

«Yeah, ordinary. Regular clothes, hardly any makeup, not a super conversationalist either. She didn't seem to care a lot about what people thought of her. No one you'd give a sec­ond look. And the strange thing about her was, somehow she was more attractive, she interested me more. After the three of us got it on, we were sitting on the floor, drinking and listening to music and talking. I hadn't enjoyed myself like that in ages. Not since college. I felt so relaxed with them that the three of us got together a few more times after that.»

«When was this?»

«This was about six months after I got divorced, so that makes maybe a year and a half ago,» he said. «We had this threesome five or six times. I never slept with Kiki alone. I wonder why. I really should have.»

«Yeah, why not?»

He set his knife and fork down on his plate, then pressed at his temple again. Seemed to be a mannerism of his. And a charming one too.

«Maybe I was scared,» Gotanda said.

«What do you mean?»

«Scared to be alone with her,» he said, picking up his cut­lery. «There was something challenging about her, almost threatening. At least that was the feeling I got. No, not exactly threatening.»

«Sort of suggestive? Or leading?»

«Yeah, maybe. I can't really say. But whatever it was, I got only a hint of it. I never got the full frontal effect. So anyway, I never felt like sleeping with just her. Despite the fact that she attracted me more. Does this make any sense to you?»

«I guess.»

«Somehow, if I'd slept with Kiki, just the two of us, I wouldn't have been able to relax. I'd have wanted to go a lot deeper with her. Don't ask me why. But that wasn't what I was after. I only wanted to sleep with girls as a kind of release. Even though I really did like Kiki.»

We ate in silence for a moment or two.

«When Kiki didn't show for the audition, I rang up her club,» Gotanda went on, as if he'd just remembered. «I specifically asked for her, but she wasn't there. They told me they didn't know where she was. True, she could've told them to say that if I called. Who knows? But in any case, she evaporated, just like that.»

The waiter cleared the table and asked if we wanted coffee.

«No, but I'd like another drink,» said Gotanda. «How about you?»

«I'm in your hands.»

And so we were brought our fourth round.

«What do you think I did today?» Gotanda asked out of nowhere.

I told him I had no idea.

«I assisted a dentist, all afternoon. Background study for a role. Right now I'm doing this series where I play a dentist. Ryoko Nakano's an optometrist, and we have clinics in the same neighborhood. We've known each other since child­hood, but something's always conspiring to keep us apart. Pretty harmless stuff. But, well, TV dramas are all the same. You ever seen it?»

«No, can't say I have,» I said. «I don't watch TV. Except the news. And I only watch it twice a week.»

«Smart,» said Gotanda. «It's a stupid program anyway. If I wasn't in it, I wouldn't watch it myself. But it's a popular show. The ratings are pretty high. You know how the public loves this kind of stuff. And you wouldn't believe the mail I get every week. Dentists writing in, complaining about how such-and-such a procedure wasn't rendered right or the treatment for such-and-such a toothache should have been something else. And then there are these jokers who say they never saw such a poor excuse for a show. Well, if you don't like it, don't watch.»